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Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,453
Registered: ‎03-20-2010

Re: Advice please for young adult daughter finding online love in another country

Tin foil hats must be on backorder.

Don't be so afraid of dying that you forget how to live.
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Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,709
Registered: ‎10-07-2013

Re: Advice please for young adult daughter finding online love in another country

@Petepetey Too late.  Where have you been for the past 7 years?  Where is her father in this mess?  You say she is an adult.  She can really do whatever she wants to do.  Why she has no interest in "local men" is something only she can answer.  Maybe it's the "mystery" of a man in a far off place.  Maybe it's naivte.    Maybe it's a lot of both.  If you can't "stop the nonesense", no one here can.  She may need professional help, but that should have come when this first started.

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Posts: 5,610
Registered: ‎08-19-2014

Re: Advice please for young adult daughter finding online love in another country

[ Edited ]

   Some people here are saying she's an adult, leave her alone. Really? I wonder how many of those people are parents. I don't care if she's an adult. You're her mother. You have every right to intervene & speak up.Maybe she'll listen & maybe she won't. 
   When my adult son is about to do something I strongly object to I speak up. Sometimes he takes my advice & sometimes he doesn't.Sometimes he says I told you so & sometimes he says he should have taken my advice. But atleast I had my say & laid out my case.Sometimes smart kids want to do stupid things.

   You have to follow your heart & do what you feel is right. Do what you can live with.In this day & age you have to be very careful.

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Registered: ‎03-29-2019

Re: Advice please for young adult daughter finding online love in another country

Bottom line:

 

 

MOM CANNOT CONTROL WHAT THE DAUGHTER DOES. 

 

THE DAUGHTER IS AN ADULT, AND IS FREE TO MAKE HER OWN DECISIONS, WHETHER MOM LIKES THOSE DECISIONS, OR NOT.

The Sky looks different when you have someone you love up there.
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Registered: ‎08-19-2014

Re: Advice please for young adult daughter finding online love in another country

[ Edited ]

 


@Anonymous032819 wrote:

Bottom line:

 

 

MOM CANNOT CONTROL WHAT THE DAUGHTER DOES. 

 

THE DAUGHTER IS AN ADULT, AND IS FREE TO MAKE HER OWN DECISIONS, WHETHER MOM LIKES THOSE DECISIONS, OR NOT.


Daughter ultimately will make her own decision.But mom absolutely has the right to weigh in whether her daughter wants to hear it or not!! 

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Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,520
Registered: ‎03-29-2019

Re: Advice please for young adult daughter finding online love in another country


@Nicksmom wrote:

 


@Anonymous032819 wrote:

Bottom line:

 

 

MOM CANNOT CONTROL WHAT THE DAUGHTER DOES. 

 

THE DAUGHTER IS AN ADULT, AND IS FREE TO MAKE HER OWN DECISIONS, WHETHER MOM LIKES THOSE DECISIONS, OR NOT.


Daughter ultimately will make her own decision.But mom absolutely has the right to weigh in whether her daughter wants to hear it or not!! 


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yes, "weigh in", as in give her her advice, but that's it.

 

 

 

My mom would give me her advice, but leave it at that.

 

She did not try to control me, or control the decisions that I made.

 

 

 

In other words, once I was an adult, my mother treated me as an adult.

 

 

 

 

The o/p is trying to control her adult daughter, and that never works out well.

 

 

 

How about treating the adult daughter as just that, an adult, and not try to manipulate her in to making a decision that the Mom wants?

 

 

Let the ADULT daughter make HER OWN decision, free from "they sky is falling" scenarios, from ID TV.

 

 

 

Mom should state her opinion ONCE, and then drop it, don't keep harping on it, because I can guarantee you, that will only drive a wedge in between the two of them.

 

 

Maybe next time Daughter won't even tell Mom about her plans, because she will know that Mom will harp and only offer dooms-day scenarios.

 

 

That's something to think about too.

The Sky looks different when you have someone you love up there.
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Registered: ‎11-25-2011

Re: Advice please for young adult daughter finding online love in another country


@JohnnyEager wrote:

Gee, I hope the OP has the financial resources to : fly over there with her, get a hotel room, fly him over here,  hire an attorney (or 2), hire a private investigator.......


@JohnnyEager 

Now the young lady might need professional help.

Heavens!

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Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,351
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Advice please for young adult daughter finding online love in another country

@Petepetey , I feel for you in this situation.  I don't have children.  There is no way I would let someone in my family in this situation go without doing as much homework as possible.  I would try to educate myself on worst case scenarios and how I might react if they occurred.  I think I would even go so far as to speak to law enforcement persons expert in this area.

 

At the end of the day, it will be your daughter's decision but I would do everything I could to discourage this trip including inviting the guy to visit your town or meeting him half way.

 

What you know that we don't is how socially experienced your daughter is, how mature she is for her age and whether she can recognize danger and take steps to extricate herself if she feels uneasy.  These are important critical pieces of information that will inform your decision.p and how you react.

 

I am sending you best wishes.  This is a tough one and I pray it all works out well.  LM

 

 

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Posts: 269
Registered: ‎09-10-2019

Re: Advice please for young adult daughter finding online love in another country

You can only tell your daughter how you feel. If she wants to take your advice she will. She is an adult and should already know about safety. You can only protect your child so much. You can't  control how and who your children fall in love with. 

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Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Advice please for young adult daughter finding online love in another country


@cats01 wrote:

@Petepetey Too late.  Where have you been for the past 7 years?  Where is her father in this mess?  You say she is an adult.  She can really do whatever she wants to do.  Why she has no interest in "local men" is something only she can answer.  Maybe it's the "mystery" of a man in a far off place.  Maybe it's naivte.    Maybe it's a lot of both.  If you can't "stop the nonesense", no one here can.  She may need professional help, but that should have come when this first started.


@cats01, from the opening post: "She has known him via the gaming world for over 7 years and recently she has taken a liking to him in a boyfriend sense and he too I guess."

 

I see nothing that indicates a lack of parenting, and I think it's rather offensive on your part to scold her.


~Who in the world am I? Ah, that's the great puzzle~ Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland