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Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,987
Registered: ‎09-05-2014

Re: Advice please for young adult daughter finding online love in another country

Gee, I hope the OP has the financial resources to : fly over there with her, get a hotel room, fly him over here,  hire an attorney (or 2), hire a private investigator.......

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Super Contributor
Posts: 287
Registered: ‎10-31-2019

Re: Advice please for young adult daughter finding online love in another country

Did anyone see the movie Taken?  Not exactly same, but once you are in a foreign country many things can go wrong very quickly.  Many young girls/women have disappeared.

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Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,019
Registered: ‎05-23-2010

Re: Advice please for young adult daughter finding online love in another country


@Petepetey wrote:

Red flags all around this-I am heartsick that my daughter, of legal adult age,

has fallen for a guy from another country. She talks of flying over there to meet him.

 

Of course I know how horrible this sounds and could be. I have strongly told her my objections.

 

She has known him via the gaming world for over 7 years and recently she has taken a liking to him in a boyfriend sense and he too I guess.

 

She does not have an interest in local men, she says. 

 

So why would she risk flying around the world to meet a stranger and not risk meeting a local guy for a cup of coffee? 

 

Very nervous scared mom here looking for words of wisdom to stop this nonsense. 


Sex trafficking in Sweden report. Print it out for your daughter. https://www.refworld.org/docid/5b3e0a6ca.html

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Honored Contributor
Posts: 10,585
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Advice please for young adult daughter finding online love in another country

You can not REALLY KNOW  someone by online ,i don't care if it has been 10 years.

When you lose some one you L~O~V~E, that Memory of them, becomes a TREASURE.
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Posts: 22,219
Registered: ‎05-10-2010

Re: Advice please for young adult daughter finding online love in another country

You should be frightened for her and should not go with her; you have no way of knowing what you are walking into.  Gaming world.  Seriously.  She doesn't "know" any of those personas.  I think she probably has some issues you haven't share with us.  If it were my daughter and I could not talk sense into her, I'd tell her to invite this man over here for a visit.  I'd pay for his plane ticket, if she still lives at home, he could even stay with you.  That would let her meet him on her home turf and it you size him up.  She's into the "romance" of this scheme.  She's living a fantasy.  He's worked on her, groomed, fed into whatever issues she has.  He's done his work.  You can't talk her out of it now so work on having him come to visit her.   

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Posts: 13,369
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Advice please for young adult daughter finding online love in another country

[ Edited ]

@Hedge wrote:
@CrazyDaisy wrote:

Seven years is a long time to know someone.  Those with evil intent would not invest that much time into it.

. . .


WRONG!

  It's a big mistake to project your own reasoning into the actions of someone who can have a psychotic obsessive twist on how they view their relationship with someone.

 

I mentor a young person, early 20s, who's under protection from someone who feels they "own" her.

 

This monster's original plan was to cut her from her mother's womb. So this one way view of "their relationship" has been going on for over two decades.

 

OP hasn't even confirmed this guy is actually operating from outside the country.

Saying it don't make it so.


@Hedge 

 

I agree with you. On the last season of 90 day fiance where a woman in her 60's on SSI 'talked' to a 29 year old man in India for 7 years.

 

She finally sold everything and moved to India to marry him.

 

After living with him in an apartment for several weeks, there was a knock on the door and they opened it to find his WIFE'S family standing there and they drug him out of the apt. while roughing him up.

 

In India a man can be jailed for cheating on his wife. She was terrified and alone.

 

Suddenly she was alone in a strange country, where women aren't even allowed to walk anywhere unless accompanied by a male family member.

 

She had to contact her daughter in the states to help her get back to the US, she had no money left, no apartment to go home to and no car, so she was sleeping on her daughter's couch.

 

A very hard lesson to learn.

 

ETA: I just remembered their names, it was Jenny and Said (Sah-eed), if anyone remembers them from the show. 

 

 

You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.
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Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,730
Registered: ‎03-03-2011

Re: Advice please for young adult daughter finding online love in another country

Sit her down and binge watch that show Catfish with her!!! People who THINK they know a person (some for years and years!) online are shocked at who they were REALLY talking to all that time (including the host who was catfished himself and started the show). Hey maybe contact that show! Good luck.

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Posts: 18,516
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Advice please for young adult daughter finding online love in another country


@sidsmom wrote:

This is going to sound harsh & some might misinterpret my words

but....

the daughter is of legal age & the parents need to MYOB.

 

Unless the mother/father has some sort of legal guardianship

over her, they need to remove themselves from her life decisions.

 

Nothing....and I repeat nothing...can push a young person away faster

than an over-bearing helicopter parent. Especially parents who

try and control an adult. 

I mean...we have discussions here on a continual basis where the

poster (parent) has a kid who never talks to them...and when explained,

99.9% of the time it's because they were too controlling and the

kid didn't want any part of it. 

There's nothing evil over there than can't be replicated over here.

If it's her time, her money, her heart...just let her live her life.

I truly believe people are scared to be...happy. 
Let her be happy. 🌼


You can't butt out of people you love's lives when you think they are making a mistake or might be in danger.  That makes no sense at all.

 

My mother is nearly 100 and in a nursing facility and I worry constantly about her.  And I butt in when I need to and I watch out for who she is with and what she is getting into in the nursing home.

 

I would do anything to make sure she is safe and is not doing something risky or being around those who might harm her.  She gets mad at me sometimes and I tell her that I guess being mad will be good for her and she'll shake her fist at me and laugh.

 

We may be mad or out of sorts but doesn't bother me!  I love her and that's that and she's going to have to put up with it.  I had to put up with it from her growing up--but that's how we know we love one another!  

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Posts: 8,901
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Advice please for young adult daughter finding online love in another country

@Petepetey 

 

Just my 2cents -- my friend of 40+ years (widowed) met her "Mr. Wonderful" online.  After months & months of "talking ie conning" her they met.  He lived in same state.

 

First 6 months was "bliss" slowly he started controlling her & she started changing☹️.  She walked away from friends, family and a very good job ...she supports him.

 

Sadly, all of us (inc. her mom) see how he treats her & control's who she can see.  Her mother is not "allowed to call or visit"!

WHY?????  His answer is "her mother & family  are trouble"...because she tells him the truth that he is "controlling" and more...ugh!!!

 

She has paid off all his debts (married 4 times & alimony/support delinquent), bought him cars, new home in another state & more....

 

She is in a situation where she feels she can't leave him because "he loves & wants her near"....yeah right he's afraid he'll lose his meal ticket 😡

 

I pray your daughter comes to her senses...especially he's in another country!  I saw someone here said watch "90 Day Fiancé" I'm sure some is "scripted" but more is real life for these woman😳☹️

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Posts: 40,969
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Advice please for young adult daughter finding online love in another country


@Roxxy wrote:
Why doesn't he fly here to see her, instead of her flying to him ??

Exactly.  If he's sincerely, really intetested, he'll come to visit her.  In most societies, the male does the pursuing.

New Mexico☀️Land Of Enchantment