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Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,127
Registered: ‎10-14-2016

Re: Advice please for young adult daughter finding online love in another country


@mimom wrote:

I can only imagine how scared you must feel.

 

My first question is what country?  a certain few are immediate red flags.

 

Do you know this man's name?  If so can you do some Google and Facebook searching

 

If they know each other only through gaming - do they ever have Skype conversations outside of the game?  Maybe suggest that you would like to meet this "boyfriend" through a Skype type conversation so you can start to get a feeling for what he is up to.


@mimomis exaclty right.  First and foremost what country are we talking about her visiting.  There is a big difference between Canada and Somalia right now.  She should do research online and reach out to people who have visited his country to see about safety.  You could start with the travel forum on this site....there are many well traveled posters who may be able to put your fears to rest.

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Esteemed Contributor
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Registered: ‎06-10-2015

Re: Advice please for young adult daughter finding online love in another country

[ Edited ]

Well for one thing, she is an adult.

 

I do not blame you for being worried and scared.  I would ASK her if he could fly here to see her and you could meet him.  I might even go so far as to offer to pay his ROUND trip airfare stipulating that he can not decide to stay here but HAS to return home and what happens after that is out of your control.

 

Good luck.

Dear God
Grant me the wisdom to know when to keep my mouth shut.
Thank You Amen
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Honored Contributor
Posts: 17,739
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Advice please for young adult daughter finding online love in another country

At least if he comes  here you know he can get a visa, so he doesn't have a criminal record

 

 

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Registered: ‎03-08-2018

Re: Advice please for young adult daughter finding online love in another country

I don't want to add to your fear but this is a true story.  My husband works with a guy who frequently travels to Thailand, Philipines and other countries in that region.  I can't think of a good clean word to use so we will just say these trips are just so he can spend time with women and then come home.  

 

This man has even brought one woman back to the US as a "wife".  Her mother told her to do whatever the man wanted - I'm assuming she was over 18 otherwise he couldn't have gotten her a Visa.  He got tired of her after a couple months and sent her back.

 

I think its all gross and creepy and can't believe this guy actual talks about it with his co-workers.  So yes human trafficking happens in all forms and we all need to look out for our children.

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Posts: 4,478
Registered: ‎03-20-2010

Re: Advice please for young adult daughter finding online love in another country

Seven years is a long time to know someone.  Those with evil intent would not invest that much time into it.

 

The Internet allows you to have a circle of friends with similar interests all over the world.  Not surprising that some romance would result as it does with friends.  However you do not mention if these feelings are both ways. While I would advise caution, she is an adult and can pursue this on her own.

Don't be so afraid of dying that you forget how to live.
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Honored Contributor
Posts: 14,728
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Advice please for young adult daughter finding online love in another country

My answer would be dependant on which country.The person could be very nice but it is very dangerous for women in some countries.I agree that he should come here and I would find a way to pay for it.

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Super Contributor
Posts: 297
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Advice please for young adult daughter finding online love in another country

the country is Sweden.

 

She was probably 14 or 15 when she started online gaming with him.

 

Yes, he should fly here. If he is serious he would do that. Also, he should pay, not us

becasue if he doesn't have that sort of money then that raises serious questions about his ability to manage his life. He has a job I hear.

I like the idea of her watching 90 day fiance, from what a few have said. Maybe that is eye opening. 

 

I had a cousin marry a man she met in Ireland from a college study abroad semester. This was in the 60's. She got pregnant, he moved here, they married and then she got to see his mental health issues. It was a troubled turbulent marriage, while it lasted. They had 2 children. She did divorce and marry a  nice man after that. Her daughter from that first marriage has had mental health issues inherited from her father her whole life. So, I do not have a good impression of marrying someone from far far away that you don't know that well. 

 

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Honored Contributor
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Registered: ‎06-17-2015

Re: Advice please for young adult daughter finding online love in another country

@Petepetey   What does your husband say??  Has he talked to her as a father with concerns?

""Out beyond the ideas of right-doing and wrong-doing, there is a field. I will meet you there." -Rumi
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Esteemed Contributor
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Registered: ‎10-01-2013

Re: Advice please for young adult daughter finding online love in another country

Disaster is the only word that comes to mind. 

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Honored Contributor
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Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: Advice please for young adult daughter finding online love in another country

Why in the world would a person do this,i think it is just risky,and crazy.

When you lose some one you L~O~V~E, that Memory of them, becomes a TREASURE.