Community Chat

[hckynut]

@petepetey 

I have no children and it was by choice. That however should not disqualify me from having an opinion. My opinion is based on living in the real world and being around  many, both genders.

You say she is an adult. I am guessing she is living independently/in her own home/has a good income, and a job that allows her the time off to go on this, what I will call venture. I am sure you have heard this comment by many that thought, "this is the one"! Then the one that says, "you don't really know a person until you live with them". 

With 50% or more of marriages failing, the odds at best are 50/50. At worst? Who knows. If she is not dependent on you for any part of her life? What she does is her decision. If she IS dependent on your? You have some choices to make.

I see the real world and have lived in it since I was 8 years old, some 7 decades ago, not in a world I think might be out there. Until an adult Is completely independent, they have no idea what real life is all about.

We do have 7 kids, all with 4 legs and fur, and we love every single one of those very DEPENDENT kids.

hckynut

[Anonymous032819]

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@KingstonsMom wrote:

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@Anonymous032819 wrote:

Bottom line:

MOM CANNOT CONTROL WHAT THE DAUGHTER DOES. 

THE DAUGHTER IS AN ADULT, AND IS FREE TO MAKE HER OWN DECISIONS, WHETHER MOM LIKES THOSE DECISIONS, OR NOT.

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Geeze, you could make the same point without the mega font!

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LOL

I used font size #5.

Just imagine if I had used font size  SEVEN!

LOL!

[Nuttmeg]

Pete Davidson was dating Cindy Crawford daughter until last weekend. Mom, and dad stood by their 18 year old girl until they split. Page Six said Pete was returning to SNL and was dealing with some issues. 

[lovesrecess]

Why doesn’t he come here to meet her?

[Cakers3]

It is perfectly normal to have concerns about our adult children, whether they live at home or not is not the issue.

We do our best to instill independence, critical thinking, values, etc.

While it is true that experiencing the "real" world independently is all part of becoming an adult, (a no-brainer) it is also a world that isn't all about making good choices about careers, relationships, friends, etc.

There are still situations that are not the safest for anyone, regardless of age.

A young man or woman who is 21, 22-still hasn't really fully grasped all that there is to learn about life.  Nobody does even beyond those years.

If this young woman chooses to go ahead to Sweden, it may be her choice but that doesn't meant the OP cannot have concerns.

And to address the safety of Sweden:  yes, it is one of the safest countries but that doesn't mean every citizen is incapable of hurting another person.  Just an observation.

While those without children certainly can express opinions and relate their own interactions with their parents while growing up, there is still a part of being a parent that cannot be truly understood when it is your child heading out alone or when letting go and detaching from their decisions is required.  These are experiences felt, not just observed from the outside.

I think the OP is doing the best she can; I understand her concerns and I understand the daughter's flexing her wings.

I will hope for the best for her if she decides to go; and I will hope for some peace of mind for the OP.  I don't believe the horror stories are helping this situation; I'm sure the OP is aware of the bad out there; thus, her concerns.

[nikkisaunt1]

Wow. I am seeing ridiculous posts here. One, I totally understand that as a mother you would be concerned for your daughter.  Mothers do not stop caring just because their kids grow up to be adults. I do not think giving your daughter your opinion in this matter is wrong at all. She may not welcome your advice but if you are clear about your concerns she will know it is from a place of love.

Two, finding potential mates online is a viable means today but it does not mean that women should not take precautions to be safe. That has not changed and frankly, is even more necessary today. Meet only in public places the first time.  What seems real online is definitely not always the same in person. 

Three,  let's be realistic. One does not fall in love online. One can be intrigued.  One can build a fantasy. But real love is built upon intimacy which comes when you know the person faults and all. That cannot happen when people hide behind screens. Even here, friendships may begin, but one does not really know who the person is writing the posts or even if their posts are truth. 

So this daughter may play games with him. She may like him and want to know more. That is fine. But start with Skype. Then see if he will come to meet her.  

[sidsmom]

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@Anonymous032819 wrote:

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@Vivian wrote:

Is there any way to contact Swedish authorities to discover more about this guy? These days you can be in Timbuktu, tell someone you're in Brooklyn, and get away with it. Of course you need to NOT mind your own business. If need be, go with your daughter if she insists on going. Ironically, your daughter could meet many foreign men if she went to your state university.

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Why not call the U,N, while you're at it?

No, adult daughter does NOT need Mommy to tag along.

Mom has had her say, she has let her daughter know how she feels, and she should TRUST her daughter no matter WHAT she decides. 

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Mommy to tag along.

I had to giggle with that!

I mean...she's 21-22yrs old...she prob just wants to knock boots 

w/ her hot Swede BF. It's been 7yrs, after all!

🙃😊

I was having dinner w/ my BFF tonight...and he always asks about

the topics on these boards..and I mentioned this thread.  

He put a 180spin on it...maybe he needs to worry about *her.*

If she's wanting to spend the money & the time after 7yrs to meet 

this gentleman, maybe she's the one w/ nefarious intentions.🤔

Why always blame the male?  He has a point, tho...

[Cakers3]

Who knew meeting a potential date for coffee would be considered more dangerous than flying to a foreign county to meet a person only known through a gaming site.

Ok.

[GenXmuse]

I think any man worth his muster would come see her and use his resources to do so. I don't think she should go running after him. He needs to work for it to show he's serious. That's just how I would feel if it were me. 

Are you expected to subsidize this trip? Is she independent or spend all day on your dime to game?