Community Chat

[Lipstickdiva]

Butt out of your kid's life when they want tulips at their wedding and you hate tulips?  Absolutely.  

Butt out of your kid's life when they are putting themself in a potentially very dangerous situation?  Absolutely not.

I'm not saying the OP can do anything to stop her daugther but I would do my best to discourage her from doing this.  I wouldn't throw up my hands and say oh well.  Not my business.  I'm butting out.

Yes nefarious things happen here.  Under the laws of the United States. When you are in another country, you operate under their laws and if something happens, it's not going to be that easy to fix it.   

I do not think studying abroad or getting a job overseas is the same as this situation at all.   You aren't going overseas for the specific purpose of meeting someting you "met" on-line who may or may not be who they said they are.  

I also would not invite some stranger to stay in my home if I told my daughter to invite this guy to fly here.  He could stay in a hotel.  

However, you have to let your child make their own mistakes but you can certainly give your advice.  If you are worried about this working out and her moving abroad, that can happen and it does happen.  Kids also move across the country.  That is not fair to a child to try to keep them under your wing.      

[lovesrecess]

I know a man with a similar “pastime”. Getting a fake Visa seems to be easy; he has “married” three of these women. Can’t think of a good reason to encourage your daughter to make this trip, but plenty of reasons to stay home.

[Shawnie]

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@petepetey wrote:

We are from a very large metro area. Should be plenty of fish in the sea.

Plus, she is in her final year of college--a wonderful lovely college that she loves. 

She rejects everyone, why would she think someone across the ocean is acceptable?

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I still want to know how old this guy is.  But i would say she  is looking for excitement.  But if you are funding her college how would  she pay for the trip?  If it's you i think i would want to know why he can't come here to visit and stay in a hotel?  I would not pay for it myself.  

[Sheilaray]

My advice?  Start watching 90 Day Fiance on TLC!

[Lindsays Grandma]

Just because the powers that be declare that at age 18 one becomes an adult simply means they are no longer a minor.  The young lady in question may very well be 22 years old, it does not mean she can make the decisions needed in this case.  Some people at 35 still don't know how to put 2 plus 2 together, if you get my drift.

[Anonymous032819]

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@petepetey wrote:

We are from a very large metro area. Should be plenty of fish in the sea.

Plus, she is in her final year of college--a wonderful lovely college that she loves. 

She rejects everyone, why would she think someone across the ocean is acceptable?

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Maybe she clicks with the Sweedish guy more that the local dudes.

[Anonymous032819]

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@chrystaltree wrote:

@Daisy Sunflower 

Of course!  To keep my child for flying off into heaven only knows what situation.  I'd do anything, anything at all to keep her from going.!   As any mother would.

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Would you tie her down, physically restrain her, have her declared mentally incompetent?

Short of that, once they are out of your house, there isn't much that you can do to stop them.

Also, stepping in the way of her dream, will only cause a wedge to be driven in to your relationship with your daughter.

Next time they want to do something, they just won't tell you about it.

You'll find out after the fact, that is, if you even find out about it at all.

[Anonymous032819]

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@petepetey wrote:

Nice story Shorty2U

good thing he is moving to you and your family.

Now imagine this the other way. Your granddaughter moves to live with him. She will be out of your lives. Sure there will be a visit here and there. Once you are too old to travel you won't see her again. Think of all the special events, family gatherings, holidays. she won't be with you, she will be with his family in another country.   Hope you can live with that. 

Think about this young mans family and how they are losing him in their lives. I feel for them. 

As for meeting online-great, love that. There is no reason you can't meet someone wonderful in the area or state you live in. 

I also feel strongly that this man should attempt a visit here and my daughter should not be the one spending her hard earned money to see him. It would take all she has saved over the years. NO, we are not paying a dime for her to see him. 

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If she is paying for her own ticket, there is not much you can do to stop her

It's HER life, let her live it.

Bottom line is, do you TRUST your daughter to take precautions to stay safe over in Sweden, because like it or not, she's going.

How do I know this?

Do I have a crystal ball?

No, I don't, but I DO know, that the more you object, the more you are driving her straight towards him.

Think about that.

[Porcelain]

The daughter shouldn't go to meet this guy alone. If she insists on going, she should bring someone with her. Being all alone in a country where you don't speak the dominant language, with only some guy you don't really know as your tour guide...that's a lot of pressure on both people who are just meeting for the first time

Awkwardness and social pressure are issues completely separate from the issue of trust and the fact that the man may be wonderful and all he says he is, or he may be a liar. If he's a liar, she will be risking her body and life to go off alone with him.

You don't take a guy you just met online home with you and you don't meet at his place. You get to know him in person in a public place on multiple occasions and let your gut tell you whether or not he can be trusted with your safety. If she puts herself on his turf and isn't able to go home until her flight back, she is taking a very foolish risk. All the more reason to take a friend with her.

And human traffiking exists in Sweden just like it does in the rest of the world.

[LorelaiGilmore]

I would not use a trashy show like 90 Day Fiance as as an example. It's entertainment, so of course the producers look for couples who will provide drama. From the little I've seen of the show, none of the cast members seem like the brightest bulbs.

Lots of people in the gaming community make friends online. I met my husband online (dating site). He wasn't in my town, though he was in my state. I think there is a bit of a generation gap here. That being said, I do understand a healthy level of concern. I would look at the daughter's history regarding maturity and ability to think intelligently and responsibly. A skype introduction sounds like a good option if they are open to it, but you can't stop her if she is paying and has her heart set on going. I would try and speak to her calmly. If you use a hysterical tone, that will likely do more harm than good. Treat her as an adult, and speak to her that way. All you can do is give her your opinion and guidance. The rest is up to her.