Advice needed please

queendiva · ‎03-12-2010

How to handle a bridal shower gift problem:

Two sons and their special young women. One I will call Bride, the other is GF. These girls live in different states, have met a few times, get along well and hope to be sisters-in-law someday.

Bridal shower. GF could not travel, but was very thoughtful to send a gift via FedEx in a FedEx box. It was not well packaged. The item arrived broken in several pieces. Beyond repair. Bride and I do not want to hurt GF's feelings, particularly since she may have made the error of not securely packing the gift. It was a marble and stone item; I suspect she thought it was unbreakable, but the marble broke. 'Everyone's relationship with GF is much more important than the gift. There was no gift receipt. Looked like an item that was purchased at a small boutique-type local store.

I am sending something via FedEx today, and will bring the box and broken gift with me. I will talk with the store manager here about options. FedEx box. Do not know who packed it. I hope tracking number will provide more info and if there is insurance to cover the damage.

How can this situation best be handled? TIA

Bri36 · ‎02-20-2017

Why don't you want to tell her it arrived broken?

I don't know what Fed Ex is supposed to do about it. She's the one who would need to file a claim, not you.

I would just let the GF know it arrived broken and come up with a solution instead of going behind her back.

Plaid Pants2 · ‎03-14-2015

Just be honest with the girlfriend and tell her that unfortunatly it arrived broken.

She's going to find out sooner or later, one way or another anyway, wouldn't you rather that she heard it from you?

Or, she could be embarrassed when she askes the gift receipiant, "How did you like the marble gift that I sent you?'"

Then, she could get mad that you knew before hand and didn't tell her.

So just tell her.

IamMrsG · ‎08-29-2010

Deceit is far more damaging than truth. Let GF know her gift arrived damaged.

Strive for respect instead of attention. It lasts longer.

ROMARY · ‎04-28-2010

Yes, tell her; tell Fed EX. They might have just accidently thrown the package around. Was it marked: 'Fragile'?

'More or less', 'Right or wrong', 'In general', and 'Just thinking out loud ' (as usual).

noodleann · ‎06-10-2015

It's important that, however disappointing it may be to her, the GF know about the breakage and loss, for three reasons.

One, if it is insured, she gets the money, not the recipient, because she actually suffered the loss. She might be able to purchase a replacement.

Two, if she packed it, she needs to learn about the realities of packing, and there really is a learning curve. Even metals can break, especially things like pot metal, which is brittle, but people don't realize that. There are all kinds of guides to good packing online, or she may be wisest in having a professional pack something like this in the future.

Three, telling her the truth now prevents any misunderstanding about why the bride doesn't have the item--and no one has to lie. That seems a valuable point when you're talking about two women who want to have an enduring relationship as sisters-in-law.

beckyb1012 · ‎03-09-2010

Tell her gently that her gift arrived broken. It is not like she sent it that way. If years down the road this story is told she will be mortified that you and the other DIL knew this behind her back. That will be so much more painful and she will wonder what else do you two talk about?

"Live frugally, but love extravagantly."

Kitlynn · ‎03-09-2010

I would definitely in a very nice way let her know the gift arrived broken. She spent money on something she thought would be a really nice gift and she deserves to know what happened. Let her know that her sending it and thinking of the bride to be was very thoughtful and appreciated. The truth is always best and being up front about it in a nice way is good then she knows what happens but also knows she was appreciated for her kindness.

nomless · ‎03-10-2010

I don't see a problem. Thank GF for sending a gift, let her know it arrived beoken, ask her if it was insured by FedEx for loss or damage during transit. If it was, she (the sender) is probably the one who would file a claim with FedEx.

riley1 · ‎03-10-2010

I would definitely be truthful with GF - not great to start any relationship with untruths. And, someday if she goes to Brides house and doesn't see the gift what will she be told?

Yes, you should check with FedEx about insurance, etc and if they packed it it is on them, I think.

If GF packed the package, it is on her and this is a good lesson in how to pack items for shipping.