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07-07-2015 01:21 PM
I found this online, when I was searching for "why" people [posters] react the way they do when encountering trolls, online bullying, or stalking.
Anger is a natural and mostly automatic response to pain of one form or another (physical or emotional). Anger can occur when people don’t feel well, feel rejected, feel threatened, or experience some loss. The type of pain does not matter; the important thing is that the pain experienced is unpleasant. Because anger never occurs in isolation but rather is necessarily preceded by pain feelings, it is often characterized as a ‘secondhand’ emotion.
Pain alone is not enough to cause anger. Anger occurs when pain is combined with some anger-triggering thought. Thoughts that can trigger anger include personal assessments, assumptions, evaluations, or interpretations of situations that makes people think that someone else is attempting (consciously or not) to hurt them. In this sense, anger is a social emotion; You always have a target that your anger is directed against (even if that target is yourself). Feelings of pain, combined with anger-triggering thoughts motivate you to take action, face threats and defend yourself by striking out against the target you think is causing you pain.
Anger can also be a substitute emotion. By this we mean that sometimes people make themselves angry so that they don't have to feel pain. People change their feelings of pain into anger because it feels better to be angry than it does to be in pain. This changing of pain into anger may be done consciously or unconsciously.
[You can read more, if you wish, by clicking on the title of this article.]
07-07-2015 01:22 PM
@tansy wrote:
Unfortunately, the bullying is not usually a one-on-one situation.
******************************************************************************
That's very true Tansy. I suspect that some of these "ignore or leave the board" suggestions are spoken by people who have never been bullied as a child.
07-07-2015 01:23 PM
yes, trolls/bullies also love to "investigate/play detective" and stalk people's posts and any history.
they lap it up.
07-07-2015 01:24 PM - edited 07-07-2015 01:24 PM
07-07-2015 01:24 PM
@suzyQ3 wrote:
@Smaug wrote:I think we need to keep in mind that MANY who are participating in this thread participated in pile-ons in the past and I include myself in this behavior. We either recognize our own behavior, take responsibility and make changes or we can try to push off responsibility onto others.
I'm not sure how urgent it is to rehash versions of who or who have not engaged in any particular behavior. (pile-ons are also very subjective, anyway, and do not necessarily rise to the level of bullying).
I'm just not clear why some here are so eager to distance themselves from this important and timely topic.
This is another problem that happens frequently here; your last sentence. No one is "eager to distance themselves" from the topic. Members are on this thread to discuss the issue, not distance themselves. People are presenting opinions which may differ from yours. This in no way condones bullying and trolling. JMHO in order to be understood clearly it's wise to be selective in word choices. It can be interpreted as being overly judgemental.
07-07-2015 01:25 PM
@scotttie wrote:
@suzyQ3 wrote:
@Smaug wrote:I think we need to keep in mind that MANY who are participating in this thread participated in pile-ons in the past and I include myself in this behavior. We either recognize our own behavior, take responsibility and make changes or we can try to push off responsibility onto others.
I'm not sure how urgent it is to rehash versions of who or who have not engaged in any particular behavior. (pile-ons are also very subjective, anyway, and do not necessarily rise to the level of bullying).
I'm just not clear why some here are so eager to distance themselves from this important and timely topic.
Yes, why?
Look, is anyone here saying that they haven't always behaved well? So what? Should we just sit here and and appear to throw darts at one another?
The topic is bullying and harassing. Most of us find it interesting and are trying to work through it. I personally have no desire to take the bait that I've seen in some posts here.
07-07-2015 01:25 PM
@newziesuzie wrote:
Gosh first the trolls are defended
and the victims are blamed
and now it's the victim's fault for
feeling anger or hurt?
Weird.
enlightening is the word I thought of....
07-07-2015 01:26 PM
@YorkieonmyPillow wrote:OMG, take responsibility for your own self. If someone trolls you or harrasses you online, move along to greener pastures.
It's a lot like road rage. If you can't control your emotions and your reactions to other people, you don't need to be driving.
************************************************
Ok, sorry, gotta call you out on that. Your post is spoken like a true bully. To use your analogy, Just because our cars are on the same road, does not give you the right to run over me.
07-07-2015 01:30 PM - edited 07-07-2015 01:32 PM
@newziesuzie wrote:
Gosh first the trolls are defended
and the victims are blamed
and now it's the victim's fault for
feeling anger or hurt?
Weird.
If you are addressing me, newziesuzie, I googled this information because the word "anger" or "angry" was used many times in this thread.
I find the psychology of anger interesting, because most people don't realize it is a "secondhand" emotion.
Most anger stems from "hurt" or "fear." If one examines the times in one's life when they have been the angriest, they can usually trace it back to a feeling of hurt or fear.
It's not my opinion, it's psychology, whether one believes in psychology or not.
07-07-2015 01:30 PM
@Smaug wrote:
@suzyQ3 wrote:
@Smaug wrote:I think we need to keep in mind that MANY who are participating in this thread participated in pile-ons in the past and I include myself in this behavior. We either recognize our own behavior, take responsibility and make changes or we can try to push off responsibility onto others.
I'm not sure how urgent it is to rehash versions of who or who have not engaged in any particular behavior. (pile-ons are also very subjective, anyway, and do not necessarily rise to the level of bullying).
I'm just not clear why some here are so eager to distance themselves from this important and timely topic.
This is another problem that happens frequently here; your last sentence. No one is "eager to distance themselves" from the topic. Members are on this thread to discuss the issue, not distance themselves. People are presenting opinions which may differ from yours. This in no way condones bullying and trolling. JMHO in order to be understood clearly it's wise to be selective in word choices. It can be interpreted as being overly judgemental.
Always a good idea. I do agree and don't always achieve it. Smaug, I did find your first sentence -- "I think we need to keep in mind that MANY who are participating in this thread participated in pile-ons" -- to be perhaps less than a wise choice in a thread of this type. It seems to be more divisive than an attempt to bridge differences, despite your including yourself in that group.
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