Community Chat

[issiestorm]

On 10/17/2014 momma3gs said:

On 10/17/2014 Issiestorm said:

Okay, this is my opinion and I'm sure it won't be popular, but that's okay because usually no one pays me any mind on these boards anyway (not that I give a flying fig leaf). If I were you, I would just live my own life and do whatever I want, whenever I want. I would not bother about an ungrateful, uncaring family. I would spend money on myself and nothing on them, no loans, no gifts. You say you are a young 78, so I assume you have a friendship circle. I say use your money to take a nice long trip, don't tell any of your family about it, and just enjoy your life as best as you can. Be good to yourself. You've earned the right to make yourself number one. And best of luck to you. As someone who has seen elderly people in nursing homes who never hear from their family until they're dead and the bloodsuckers hone in on the will, I feel very strongly about this. (Oh yes, I've also at times rescued their little dogs whom the relatives would have dropped off at the nearest animal control center).

You asked for opinions, that's mine.

Don't know if your opinion will be popular or not, but I totally agree with everything you said. We can't force people to care about us ... they either do or they don't. I can understand how OP feels about her family and I'm glad she's happy, even after their shabby treatment of her, that she has been generous with them.

At this point, however, I wouldn't give ungrateful and uncaring relatives any more money or gifts.

Thanks for understanding where I was coming from Momma3gs. I've seen too much heartbreak in elderly folks resulting from the shabby treatment of their uncaring family. And like you said, you can't force people to care about you. Very sad but true.

[Irshgrl31201]

On 10/17/2014 qvcaddition said:

I came back to read the latest replies, and agree. My children were not raised to not care or have lack of manners. When My Grandma was alive, their Great grandmother, like myself today, I had them call her or my Dad, or write Thank you notes. When we had family dinners, the elderly were included in the conversation, not just there out of guilt.

For quite awhile, I stopped with the holiday gifts, and just brought something I thought they would enjoy, but then stopped that also when, I would leave it on their doorstep when no one was home and never got a reply, I had to ask.

I am a docent at a famous museum in town, so I brought coloring books along with the story of the person and things they were coloring. I found no one read to these Grandkids the stories. When I went to my daughters house on the day she had her grandchild, the kid didn't even say hello, nor did my daughter say to her, Say hello to your Great Grandma. That is when I posted the question on here about the gift giving.

When my children were growing up, they heard me call my Grandma or Dad every day or night. I had one or the other up to my home for the weekend, because I was working in the city, so I would pick them up on a Friday night and take them home on a Monday morning before I went to work. I was never too busy for them, my children or Grandchildren.

In 2008, I graduated from college, I went as a hobby, I was 72. I was Valedictorian and received a scholarship, but none of my Grandchildren went to the Graduation exercise, nor did my daughter. She had told me the night before they would be there. It hurt a lot, but as parents we always forgive. My two sons went. I never missed an open house, play, graduation, baseball practice, soccer, etc for the Grandkids, or for my children even working three jobs as a single mom. I went wrong somewhere. I did get a phone call from my daughter yesterday after three weeks. She lives around the corner, but busy, with her friends, doesn't have to work. She was ashamed of me going to college at my age, and was quite surprise when I succeeded as I did, so was I. It was only went the city paper wrote an article about me, that her friends knew.

Anyway I do live a full life and continue to volunteer and take classes and do things with friends. The point is, being an only child growing up, I wanted a big family, which I have, but they do not notice me at all. I could never do that to someone who gave so much love, time, and money . Just the love given would have been enough for me to want to talk to or see the person. Next life, I will have a big loving family.

I also think maybe they feel intimidated around me, but they shouldn't, I never lorded anything over them. Their loss. They are going to have to show they want a relationship before I do anything anymore, not just gift giving.

I just want to say congratulations! What an accomplishment. I cannot imagine why in the world your daughter would be ashamed of such a wonderful thing. She sounds kind of selfish!

[Mominohio]

On 10/13/2014 qvcaddition said:

I have spoke with my son about why his son, my grandson, didn't call or bring the kids over. He said, his son can't connect with me. I said, he could connect when he called last year and asked for money. He the grandson has asked for many things, and I always gave.

You are right. My grandmother raised me during the depression and until I left home at 18. She gave me love, food and clothes, no gifts, we were poor, but in those days, you respected the elderly, and thank god for her. The manners are not there today, but it still surprises me, that I have always been there for family and loved those grandkids, took them everywhere, Disney land, don't know how many times. Put one in modeling school, paid for pictures, and clothers. Don't regret it and loved all the time I spent with them.

The grandson that said he can't connect with me. Well, I gave him my 46" TV when I got a new one, and I officiated at his wedding, which saved him a bundle, also gave the rehearsal dinner. How can you ignorer a person that has done all this and say you cannot connect.

The other one, got his apartment at the time paid for two months, cleaned, got sick on that one, and cooked food so he would have meals when he came home after a long day of work in the city. Now, I never hear from him.

I can't go back, just can't understand. You can tell I am crying because I can't understand. I will one day when I see them, take them aside and ask them, why, what did I ever do to them, but love them and still do. I would fight for them today if they needed me too, but no more gifts or money. You know how it feels to be used. Their parents are hopeless and also abused by them. They would not see the grandkids if they didn't conform to what they want. I've been there, done that. Oh well, I think, I will do what they want, become invisible and bow out. No Christmas and no gifts until I can talk to the Grandkids and get their take on why they are not respectful or what they have against me.

I am so sorry you are feeling this pain. I don't mean to be harsh, but I feel deeply that you need to stop giving, stop being the "door mat" for grandkids that don't respect you or give you the time of day. We can't demand people's love, but we can demand to be respected if we are going to be present in their lives. If not, we have to move on to those who do respect and treasure out time and efforts. Sometimes we have to look outside of the family to connect with people who value us and who we value. I wish you comfort with this situation.

[ROMARY]

Congratulations on your accomplishments! Yes, you are #1, and enjoy, enjoy your precious life. The others will take care of themselves, if given the opportunity. Keep healthy, keep safe. Give your friends a big hug from me!