Community Chat

[qvcaddition]

I do not want to be slammed because I already feel very sad. I have three Great Grand kids, who are darling, that live within 2 miles of me. Two live with my son and daughter in law, and one is practically at my daughter's house all week while parents are working.

I have been over each house, and have brought gifts for no reason, no holiday, just becasuse, for these children. My son was bringing one of the children over on a Sunday and I would have goodies for her and always sent her home with some little gift.

I have not seen her in months since the football game started on Sunday's, OK, men love football. She and her brother have to stay with their mother twice a month for a week. Her father is my Grandson and he never calls or brings her or her brother over and I don't know where he lives in town and would not drop in uninvited.

My question, the children are not to blame for the parents lack of good manners or whatever, but I have ordered the Frozen Dolls and necklaces and the race cars with the color tracks for the kids for Christmas, and wonder why? I never see them or hear from the parents my grandkids. who by the way are in their 30's. I did hear from two grandsons at different times last year that needed money. I gave to both, over a 1000 dollars and do not regret anything I gave them or families in life.

I am now 78 years and would like to see some of them once in awhile. I am a young 78, go a lot of places and have more energy than my kids. Course they work.

The little ones do not know me and will never know me. If they were older, they might remember me, but not at the ages of 2, 5 and 6. At Christmas last year, no one said, this is your Great Gram. It's not the money, I have given plenty, just the idea, no one really cares in the family if I am alive or dead. I'm just there. Why bother. I am not going to the one time I am invited to my Daughter's at Christmas this year. I do not need to be the center of attention, just acknowledged when I'm there, not stuck in a chair while they all talk around me. I have come to terms with it, still hurts, but don't feel like buying or giving anymore.

I know some will take this all apart and make me feel worse, but I am taking a chance to get an honest opinion from some of you that are not mean. Thanks

[Marienkaefer2]

Wow, I am sorry for the situation. When I was growing up, I was lucky enough to know my great grandparents. We always showed respect for the elders in our family. They come in, you gave them a hug and kiss, talked to them. They were center of our family life. The part of your story that hit me the most was when you said that no one tells the kids "this is your great gram." How sad, when they are so lucky to have you there. Not everyone knows their grandparents, let alone great grandparents. I think.today so much has changed. Kids are not taught to honor and value their families in the same way. (Some still do I know. Many don't.) Have you talked about this with your kids? As the grandparents, how do they feel?

[sciencegeek_1]

Hmm, this is a tough one. We're used to hearing we need to buy gifts for our loved ones. But these days, family is scattered around and we don't always get to know people, even though they are blood related.

At their young ages, if they don't know you, I'd probably stop with the gifts. For me, it comes down to whether they appreciate them, and my litmus test is this: do they thank you for the gifts, either when you drop them off or in a note later? Many people may say this is old fashioned, but if they don't, how do they know where the gifts came from?

Listen to your heart, ultimately it needs to be a decision you are ok with. Whatever you decide about gifts does not mean your love is limited.

[banjo]

I don't have any advise for you, but I am sorry that your Grandson is letting you down like this. I think someday these children will be sorry they didn't get to know you.

[qvcaddition]

I have spoke with my son about why his son, my grandson, didn't call or bring the kids over. He said, his son can't connect with me. I said, he could connect when he called last year and asked for money. He the grandson has asked for many things, and I always gave.

You are right. My grandmother raised me during the depression and until I left home at 18. She gave me love, food and clothes, no gifts, we were poor, but in those days, you respected the elderly, and thank god for her. The manners are not there today, but it still surprises me, that I have always been there for family and loved those grandkids, took them everywhere, Disney land, don't know how many times. Put one in modeling school, paid for pictures, and clothers. Don't regret it and loved all the time I spent with them.

The grandson that said he can't connect with me. Well, I gave him my 46" TV when I got a new one, and I officiated at his wedding, which saved him a bundle, also gave the rehearsal dinner. How can you ignorer a person that has done all this and say you cannot connect.

The other one, got his apartment at the time paid for two months, cleaned, got sick on that one, and cooked food so he would have meals when he came home after a long day of work in the city. Now, I never hear from him.

I can't go back, just can't understand. You can tell I am crying because I can't understand. I will one day when I see them, take them aside and ask them, why, what did I ever do to them, but love them and still do. I would fight for them today if they needed me too, but no more gifts or money. You know how it feels to be used. Their parents are hopeless and also abused by them. They would not see the grandkids if they didn't conform to what they want. I've been there, done that. Oh well, I think, I will do what they want, become invisible and bow out. No Christmas and no gifts until I can talk to the Grandkids and get their take on why they are not respectful or what they have against me.

[deepwaterdotter]

I give you credit for sizing up the situation and doing what's best for you. When your great-grandchildren are older, they can come and see you on their own. You will enjoy your time creating a special relationship with them away from their parents

[Elstongunn]

My opinion is that I think you already know what to do and you've stated it in your post.

This happens to so many grandparents, great-grandparents, and even happens to parents, and it becomes so painfully obvious around the holidays. My feeling is this: don't suffer or hold your pain in in silence. I think you should send your post (altered a bit for those receiving it) to your kids/grandkids stating your feelings. There is nothing wrong with letting them know how you feel, and it MIGHT be a wake-up call to them that family and relationships should NOT be one-sided and what they are doing is ill-mannered, selfish, and hurtful. Do they treat their friends this way? Would THEY want to be treated this way when they get older?

If there is nothing else going on in the family dynamics (reasons why they would treat you so badly), then they are either very selfish or clueless. Maybe it will shake them out of their self-absorption and they will at the very least teach their children that manners matter, and that acknowledgement after receiving a gift is the very least they should do.

[Jannabelle]

I agree with Marienkaefer, you really need to speak up and let people know how you are feeling.....also you are a better woman than most to give money to grandsons, that apparently they only see you when they are in need? That is how I read it....take care, and if you want stop buying all those gifts, send them a sweet card...... and do something extra nice for you.

[kdgn]

My son only met his great grandmother twice but during those two times he spent a lot of time with her. She was not invisible, she was the center of attention and the reason for the reunions on her birthday. Family reunions of close to 100 people each and every year. We were only able to attend two of them because of the distance. However, my FIL attended each and every birthday celebration for his mother.

The second reunion had over 300 family members for her 100th birthday. Those kids, grandkids and great grandkids that lived locally visited with her all the time. They KNEW her and she knew them.

Yeah, time for bank of great grandma to close. And if you feel invisible at "family" parties then you might as well stay home and enjoy your own company.

[glb613]

I don't know why people think they must buy gifts for everyone all of the time. I spent a lot of time with my grandparents, they were poor and hardly ever bought us a present. I didn't want to spend time with them for the gifts, I wanted to spend time because I loved them.

I have a friend who has spent a fortune on her granddaughter and never gets a thank you. It hurts her yet she still buys gifts every time she sees her.

Too many people have been "brained washed" when it comes to gift giving. I know I wouldn't buy a lot of gifts for children I never see.