Reply
Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,254
Registered: ‎04-02-2015

Re: A regret, and an honest look in the mirror


@kalli wrote:

Yesterday I did something I regret and it made me realize I need to do better.

 

The line to vote was quite long for my small town.  Most of that time was spent outside in the cold wind.  I wore my winter coat and was comfortable and warm.  So I played on my phone texting and reading news as the line inched toward the building.

 

After 45 minutes I was almost in the door, someone drove up with a handicapped person.  The man got out, asked if it would be ok if he stood on the line in place of (his mom?) and then when he got to the door, he would walk her in to vote. He was told that was fine. So off he went, to the end of the line, leaving her to wait in her warm car.

 

It was on the tip of my tongue to offer my spot.  I had nothing to do all day.  It would've been inconvenient and boring to go to the back of the line and wait all over again.  But I could've done it.  And I didn't.  I just stood there as he disappeared around the back of the building to get on the line.

 

There was a time I'd have offered my place right away.  It would have cost me a little extra time out of my not-busy-at-all day.  SMH.  On the way home I thought of my parents, they'd have offered right away. And they'd have expected the same from me. Just disappointed in myself, I guess. It was a lesson I shouldn't have needed at my age.


I would have immediately said , sure, and I'm handicapped myself. I have paid for groceries, have offered help to others, and I always say "thank you to my Mom and Dad" because that's how I was raised. Oh how we need that for our Kids today. Just drop a few dollars in the Xmas kettle this year and you will feel better. I forgive you. Sometimes we just don't think fast enough. Forgive yourself.

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,065
Registered: ‎05-15-2010

Re: A regret, and an honest look in the mirror

Wow, @kalli you live in a harsh part of the country.

 

I also waited on line to vote, and extreme geriatric types were whisked to the front of the line.

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,331
Registered: ‎03-29-2020

Re: A regret, and an honest look in the mirror

to the OP: I don't know if you did wrong or not. But let that guilty feeling motivate you the next time you have a situation like this.

And it's good to know it bothers you a little; that shows you're a decent person with a concience.

Valued Contributor
Posts: 732
Registered: ‎04-11-2010

Re: A regret, and an honest look in the mirror

[ Edited ]

As others here have said don't dwell on this, delayed reactions are pretty common. I have those moments, too.

 

That being said the son was dumb not to have asked the poll workers rather than the people in line. I'm sure that the polling site had instructions for wheelchair and other disability voting. He delayed his mother voting for no good reason.

 

Good advice on panhandlers, too. Most reputable charities say not to give money to the beggers. Donating to charities that aid the troubled is the best thing to do.

 

 

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,045
Registered: ‎09-18-2010

Re: A regret, and an honest look in the mirror

I still regret not helping a man years ago. Although I had helped many before I met him, and helped many after, he is the one the preys on my mind sometimes. He has passed away now, he died a few years after I didn't act on what my heart was telling me to do, unfortunately.

 

I think all you can do, @kalli, is forgive yourself, as no doubt you have forgiven people in the past, and try to help the next time you feel led to do so. Sometimes circumstances are just a little deeper than we know what to do with at the time. I think you have a kind, compassionate heart, please don't be too hard on yourself.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,125
Registered: ‎03-11-2010

Re: A regret, and an honest look in the mirror

This is an interesting story,but kinda OT. 50 years ago I was maybe 8.5 months expecting my son. We were standing in line to see the film Mash. The manager of the movie place allowed us to go to the head of the line and offered me a chair.

What is my point? I do not have one,but I remember his kindness. But,don't be so hard on yourself.

Keep your face always toward the sunshine and shadows will fall behind you.
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,859
Registered: ‎07-07-2010

Re: A regret, and an honest look in the mirror

@kalli  You are being much too hard on yourself.  Hopefully, when he got close to the door, one of the polling officials held his place so that he could get his mother.  I believe that is part of the job.  I think that every polling place should have a drop-in box for the mail-in votes for basic convenience. 

The next time that I hear salt and ice together, it better be in a margarita!
Honored Contributor
Posts: 20,450
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: A regret, and an honest look in the mirror


@buffalogal47 wrote:

@Mmsfoxxie  I never give money to panhandlers. You don't know if they're going to use it for food or for drugs or alcohol. If someone asks for money because they say they're hungry, I'll offer to buy them a meal. If they refuse, I know they only want the money to get high. Also many panhandlers work at this 8 hours a day like a job. They are expert scammers. They put on their crummiest clothes and beg for money and then at the end of their shift, they change, clean up and drive to their nice homes in their late'model cars. They earn quite a bit of money at this,and they also scam the government out of income tax because it's all cash. In giving money to a beggar you are either enabling their substance abuse or supporting a lifestyle that's probably better than yours.

 


I can't say that this scenario doesn't ever happen, but I doubt very much that it is the norm. @buffalogal47 


~Who in the world am I? Ah, that's the great puzzle~ Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,476
Registered: ‎03-16-2010

Re: A regret, and an honest look in the mirror

@kalli 

 

It takes a big person with a kind heart to publicly admonish her own actions.  I think we've all been in your shoes at one time or another and wish we had done things differently.

 

From this we learn. Going forward we can and will do better.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,123
Registered: ‎02-19-2014

Re: A regret, and an honest look in the mirror

I'm surprised everyone within earshot didn't agree to allow the disabled woman to get in the front of the line. In my neighborhood I'm pretty sure there wouldn't be any hesitation.

 

When you have painful regret, let it teach you and provoke you to be more alert next time to act quickly to help when needed. That is all guilt is good for. It's like a physical pain signal that you didn't live up to your own ideals and it's warning you to work harder next time. Don't keep reliving the pain of the guilt, just log it as an important experience to learn from going forward.

 

There was no harm done here and the woman did not suffer, waiting in the nice warm car. But it would have warmed the hearts of everyone in the line to receive the gift of being kind and making someone's day. Doing good feels amazing. And caretakers like that man have it rough enough. I feel sadder for him that he wasn't offered a little extra help.

 

But again, I am sure you will have another opportunity to do what you consider the right thing and you will act on it quickly because of this experience. Just ease your mind and wait for that opportunity.

When you’re accustomed to privilege, equality feels like oppression.
"Power without love is reckless and abusive, and love without power is sentimental and anemic." - Dr. Martin Luther King Jr