Community Chat

[Mominohio]

I haven't read the replies, but wanted to note that this is a very important post, that brings to light a major issue we will most all face at some time or another, having to deal with settling the estate of a loved one. 

I have to say, at 75, thinking you have more time is rather reckless, when it comes to end of life preparations. In my opinion, the window for that opens at age 30 if not before. It has always been relevant to me, as my dad was sick at 26 and dead at 45. I never took for granted that I would have plenty of time and bought my first whole life, life insurance policy at age 18. I just grew up aware that time is not promised.

I have nothing negative to say about people (women mostly) that find themselves in these positions. I just am glad things like this are written and shared for others to learn from.

I'm 57, and honestly I don't think any woman my age (or younger) should find themselves in such a position. In the past, it was not uncommon for the man to take care of all the financial things, but today, those my age and younger were raised to be more independent, more involved and in more control of things like this.

It is very important to have the right conversations and learn what you need to know, no matter how unpleasant it might be for some people. So much work and worry can be avoided if people just prepare and share.

[SleepyTime]

I discovered some of these things going through a divorce I didn't want too. I discovered that being 2nd on a checking account or utility bill does not account on your own credit score. More to think about. 

[puttypiesmom]

Any paperless billing or auto deliveries that may confuse a surviving spouse is not a permenant hardship by any stretch of the imagination.  When you are one month behind paperless becomes invalid and a bill is sent to the home or p.o box.  With all the need these days to periodically change your password on all of your accounts we know that there will most likely be a transistion period that may be uncomfortable for the surviving spouse.  Neither of us are worried.  

[jannabelle1]

This is an excellent article. Some of you understand, and others don't. Just make sure you know how to log in to your spouse's accounts.

[Mz iMac]

---

@jannabelle1 wrote:

Just make sure you know how to log in to your spouse's accounts.

---

And are aware of ALL accounts including the hidden ones.  I bet Mrs Charles Kuralt wish she had.

[haddon9]

---

@occasionalrain wrote:

That woman, hope she's fictional, is an incompetent. No wonder her husband didn't trust her with their finances. Did thay never talk of their childhoods? I believe most posters would know the answer to those simple questions, I would.

---

Sorry but I don't know the name of my husband's elementary school and he doesn't know  the name of mine...there are a lot of things that we proably don't know.  

[puttypiesmom]

When you have had 20 to 30 years of paying bills and never missed a single payment, one missed payment will not hurt you.  I realize that during times of grief one is not functioning very well to take care of bills even though you must.  

Passwords need to routinely change and there's no point in hashing that out over and over with your spouse as they change and expect them to remember it.  Security questions should be something both can answer. 

[halfpint1]

I knew where he invested and with who. The only thing I haven't done in the last 2-1/2 years is go down and put my name only on our house.

[Warrior2022]

---

@Imaoldhippie wrote:

This just does apply to couples.  I went through some similar things when my mom passed and would never discuss anything with me or my brother because she thought it was morbid and had a 30 year old will that was very basic and worthless.

---

I feel you.  My mom was horrid and she was determined that she would have the last laugh.  She told many different things to me and my siblings.  She has been gone 4 years and the estate is still open.  None of us speak, even though, I have told both of them to help themselves, but they would rather have lawyers involved.  It is so sad and I honestly don't know how much more I can take.  

I will have a conversation with DH this weekend.

[Warrior2022]

---

@chickenbutt wrote:

I also got a bit stuck on the part where she shared an email address.    My first thought went to 'is he controlling and won't let her have her own email address?' and I hope that notion is incorrect, because I find it profoundly odd that they shared one email address.   I guess they don't ever email each other, eh? 

Anyway, some good info beyond that.  I also have told my husband that when I die one of the first things he should do is acquire a few certified copies of the death certificate, as those will come in supremely handy.

We have our bank accounts attached to a certain degree.    That's a convenience because he puts money from his to mine each week for the bills and for me.    We don't have the ability to get into each other's accounts, but they are linked.   That way, if I die and he gets those death certs he can present one at the bank and have them combined or have all the money in mine moved to his, etc.

You would not believe how many couples share email addresses.  It is really shocking.  I hear it every day.

---