Community Chat

[Maudlynn]

This is why it's so important to have a proxy for health care. While I personally would not want any extraordinary measures taken if I were suffering from dementia and overall in poor health, I can't make that decision for someone else. I think it is morally right that our health care system err on the side of life saving measures when no health care proxy is in place. If that includes transplanting an organ into someone who may go on to abuse it, so be it. It''s not for us to pass judgement on the organ recipient- that would be a terrible slippery slope if our judgement of another was the criteria.

If you're morally opposed to using medical  resources that you feel are going to be wasted, you should state that in your hcp

[WenGirl42]

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@Noel7 wrote:

My father’s cousin died.  Not long after, his widow was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s.  She had always been kind of prudish.  Anyway, she ultimately lived in kind of a nursing home-care place.  She also started dating one of the male residents.  She flirted a lot and hinted at kissing, etc.  He died after awhile and she found herself another beau.  

I don’t think it’s uncommon for elderly people, even with dementia, to engage in such behavior.

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It might even be more prevalent in the elderly with dementia. Sexual acting out (often inappropriately, e.g., with family members) can be a sign of brain deterioration, as inhibitions decline.

[inGeorgia]

After reading this post and all the replies the ONLY moral dilemma is as an individual...

Are you a registered organ donor? 

Have you discussed your wishes with your family?

Are your wishes in writing, notarized and on file with each of your Dr's?

Coming from a spouse of a heart transplant recipient,

Do not judge or speculate until you stand, sit, lay next to and pray with someone you love through their health crisis and  find out transplant is the only option for the love of your life to live, then go through the extensive transplant testing process for a chance for them to be approved, then wait for the official approval and to be put on the transplant list only to wait, wait, wait for that "perfect match". During this process you watch your loved one's health continue to deteriorate, the struggle, the fear that they will not be able to hold on for their "perfect match".  If your loved one is blessed and given the "ultimate gift of life" by a selfless individual who was an organ donor you never will never have enough gratitude for the special gift of life. Life of a transplant recipient is not easy, it's not a cure, it's a new way of life that becomes a new normal,  it's an immunosuppressed life which in itself is a challenge.

Try not to judge until you have walked down the road yourself.

[september]

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@fordtruck wrote:

A lot of unsettling things have been happening in nursing homes among residents with dementia and that is they desire sex.  It has been reported that the women who desire it may in fact, due to their disease, suddenly not desire it after previously asking for it. The men who are more than happy and able to perform, also have dementia.  Healthcare workers have walked into rooms to see inappropriate behavior and have not been able to figure this out. 

If your spouse doesn't remember you and is engaging in this behavior would you want to extend his life?  How about if it was your funds paying for his residency.  

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I'm a bit confused as to why this issue was brought up?  I don't think the OP said this was about her spouse?

She said it was hypothetical.....maybe I missed something or something got deleted 

[sunshine45]

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@151949 wrote:

So - lets look at it from a different prospective. Say YOU are a patient who has waited and waited, very ill the entire time - and FINALLY you are next on the list.The very next organs that are a match for you will be yours.Then, someone with dementia who is in worse condition than you, gets put to the top of the list due to unknown reasons and that next set of organs goes to him, while you must continue to wait. You are deteriorating and wonder if you will die waiting for your transplant. How do you think you'd feel about it then?

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the "unknown reasons" must have been  important and i am guessing that the team who makes those decisions made them for a reason. would YOU want to be the one who had to tell the other family that although their relative was at the top of the list and that there is one ready for them, that the moment they have been waiting for is taken away from them?

these questions obviously dont have simple right or wrong answers, not to mention that every case must be viewed as a unique and individual situation.

[151949]

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@september wrote:

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@fordtruck wrote:

A lot of unsettling things have been happening in nursing homes among residents with dementia and that is they desire sex.  It has been reported that the women who desire it may in fact, due to their disease, suddenly not desire it after previously asking for it. The men who are more than happy and able to perform, also have dementia.  Healthcare workers have walked into rooms to see inappropriate behavior and have not been able to figure this out. 

If your spouse doesn't remember you and is engaging in this behavior would you want to extend his life?  How about if it was your funds paying for his residency.  

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I'm a bit confused as to why this issue was brought up?  I don't think the OP said this was about her spouse?

She said it was hypothetical.....maybe I missed something or something got deleted 

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It's Noel & Suzyq making up some imagined sceanero. If you have nothing intelligent to say on the subject - I guess you  just invent some gossip to pass along.

The OP was kinda based on David Cassidy but also , in my 42 years working in ICU at a transplant center, and seeing this happen to deserving patients very often.

[sunshine45]

@151949

you have said previously that you thought your husband MIGHT have dementia.....or possibly was in the early stages. i think that some may think this was a very personal matter to you and that it might involve your husband.

[151949]

I can relate a actual case - the patient was my uncle - he was 88 years old and in kidney failure. He hated dialysis and so decided to buy himself a kidney.He was a wealthy man. He was turned down for any possibility of a transplant because he had such poor circulation that they did not feel the transplant would get enough blood supply.He tried many different hospitals. So he decided to get his transplant elsewhere and he went to Mexico and advertised he would pay a large sum of money for someone to give him a "directed donation" of a kidney.He found a compatable subject and brought her back to the USA where the lady said she wanted to make a directed donation and he recieved his transplant despite that the doctors at Mayo knew it would not probably not survive. He was able and willing to pay them cash asking price for the surgery  and he did, and they asked no questions.The kidney didn't work, had to be removed, and discarded. Exactly as they had told him it would. But they had no issue at all with operating on some poor woman and taking her kidney, despite they knew it was not going to work. My Uncle lived about 5 more years and died in his 90's.

[151949]

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@sunshine45 wrote:

@151949

you have said previously that you thought your husband MIGHT have dementia.....or possibly was in the early stages. i think that some may think this was a very personal matter to you and that it might involve your husband.

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I think they invented a sceanero to create some drama .

[JaneMarple]

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@sunshine45 wrote:

@151949

you have said previously that you thought your husband MIGHT have dementia.....or possibly was in the early stages. i think that some may think this was a very personal matter to you and that it might involve your husband.

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@sunshine45 posters forget that many of us have been around a long time and have read all the stories and have good memories. Despite rumors to the contrary, we haven't gone "bonkers" yet!