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Respected Contributor
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Re: A Stepfather's Wedding Vows to His Stepdaughter

On 2/26/2015 Cakers1 said:
On 2/26/2015 raven-blackbird said: <blockquote class="quote_author">On 2/26/2015 mominohio said:.

How sad that such a wonderful experience at this wedding has to be picked apart by a few who can't stand for others to say or do something differently than they would.

ABSOLUTELY............................................raven

Absolutely again. What he could have or should have said is not for anybody to say.

Perhaps mom already "makes" the child pray before meals and he's upholding that.

What a sweet story anyway.{#emotions_dlg.wub}

TRIPLE Absolutely..........it's their family, their beliefs and their values.........not anyone elses..................................raven

We're not in Kansas anymore ToTo
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Re: A Stepfather's Wedding Vows to His Stepdaughter

On 2/26/2015 Cakers1 said:
On 2/26/2015 raven-blackbird said: <blockquote class=""quote_author"">On 2/26/2015 mominohio said:.

How sad that such a wonderful experience at this wedding has to be picked apart by a few who can't stand for others to say or do something differently than they would.

ABSOLUTELY............................................raven

Absolutely again. What he could have or should have said is not for anybody to say.

Perhaps mom already ""makes"" the child pray before meals and he's upholding that.

What a sweet story anyway.


Agreed... It is a ""sweet story""

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Re: A Stepfather's Wedding Vows to His Stepdaughter

On 2/26/2015 Cats3000 said:

I wish there were fewer step-parents. I wish that original parents would consider their child's needs above and beyond their own changing tastes in life. Studies of children of divorced parents show that they have trouble forming their own relationships in later life. It's time for adults to grow up, remember their wedding vows and take whatever steps they possibly can to keep the family together. Divorce should be the last straw rather than just "movin on".

I was divorced by my ex-husband. I did consider my children's needs above my own but my ex-husband chose otherwise. In California, there was nothing I could do to stop the divorce. The children were 4 years old and 10 months old when I moved out. Too often on these threads comments are made as if both parties of a divorce wanted it when that is not always the case. When we were married, he was all about being a family man and would never have dreamed divorce and being a single Mother was going to be my future.

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Re: A Stepfather's Wedding Vows to His Stepdaughter

On 2/26/2015 Dell said:
On 2/26/2015 Cats3000 said:

I wish there were fewer step-parents. I wish that original parents would consider their child's needs above and beyond their own changing tastes in life. Studies of children of divorced parents show that they have trouble forming their own relationships in later life. It's time for adults to grow up, remember their wedding vows and take whatever steps they possibly can to keep the family together. Divorce should be the last straw rather than just "movin on".

I was divorced by my ex-husband. I did consider my children's needs above my own but my ex-husband chose otherwise. In California, there was nothing I could do to stop the divorce. The children were 4 years old and 10 months old when I moved out. Too often on these threads comments are made as if both parties of a divorce wanted it when that is not always the case. When we were married, he was all about being a family man and would never have dreamed divorce and being a single Mother was going to be my future.

Dell, Cats3000's post is spot on.

It is understood that perhaps you have no 'fault' in the fact that your marriage ended. It does happen that way. But there are far more divorces each year that are 'unnecessary', because people don't know their mate well enough before marriage, don't wait long enough to really get to know their mate before beginning a family, and choose their 'wants' over their children's needs.

I'm constantly astounded at the people who have kids, then expect to have 'their own life' during those child raising years. One's life is not their own when raising children, and if they make it that way, they are failing their kids.

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Re: A Stepfather's Wedding Vows to His Stepdaughter

I just actually just now went and watched the video of this (rather than just reading the written words), and how anyone could ever question or criticize the wording of this, when seen 'live' is beyond me. That is the problem with the written word. You can never capture the true emotion with which something is said. You never get the true context.

The man was tearful, and trembling, having trouble getting the words out. It was beautiful. If you can see this, and still use words like controlling, you have deep seated issues.

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Re: A Stepfather's Wedding Vows to His Stepdaughter

On 2/27/2015 mominohio said:

I just actually just now went and watched the video of this (rather than just reading the written words), and how anyone could ever question or criticize the wording of this, when seen 'live' is beyond me. That is the problem with the written word. You can never capture the true emotion with which something is said. You never get the true context.

The man was tearful, and trembling, having trouble getting the words out. It was beautiful. If you can see this, and still use words like controlling, you have deep seated issues.

I'm not criticizing the written words. I'm NOT criticizing the spoken word, although I believe that talk is cheap especially in an emotional moment. I AM criticizing the ease and simplicity of the "no fault divorce". I AM criticizing 2nd marriages which are more likely to end in divorce than are first marriages. Are their reasons marriages should end? Absolutely. But, the vast majority of marriages end because one or both partners believe it's "time to move on to someone else", leaving behind bewildered children.

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Re: A Stepfather's Wedding Vows to His Stepdaughter

On 2/27/2015 Cats3000 said:
On 2/27/2015 mominohio said:

I just actually just now went and watched the video of this (rather than just reading the written words), and how anyone could ever question or criticize the wording of this, when seen 'live' is beyond me. That is the problem with the written word. You can never capture the true emotion with which something is said. You never get the true context.

The man was tearful, and trembling, having trouble getting the words out. It was beautiful. If you can see this, and still use words like controlling, you have deep seated issues.

I'm not criticizing the written words. I'm NOT criticizing the spoken word, although I believe that talk is cheap especially in an emotional moment. I AM criticizing the ease and simplicity of the "no fault divorce". I AM criticizing 2nd marriages which are more likely to end in divorce than are first marriages. Are their reasons marriages should end? Absolutely. But, the vast majority of marriages end because one or both partners believe it's "time to move on to someone else", leaving behind bewildered children.

Cats3000, Sorry if you thought that post was directed at you. It wasn't at all, in fact, I totally agree with you on this subject and have stated so in a previous post.

This post was directed at a couple of other posters who chose the word controlling to describe his vow to have her pray.

Post #23 shows I was supporting your post, so sorry if you thought this more recent one was attacking you.

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Re: A Stepfather's Wedding Vows to His Stepdaughter

On 2/26/2015 Free2be said:

Here's the rest of it:

" . . . I vow to show you how a man should treat a woman in my relationship with your mother. And above all else, I vow to protect you, care for you and love you forever.”

I have no doubt of his loving sincerity. The child is 3 y/o and it was wonderful to include her in the ceremony.

That said, I trust his words aren't meant absolutely literal about the skipping {#emotions_dlg.laugh} and forcing her to pray which has a domineering edge to it. He didn't plan it so it was off the top of his well meaning head.

What??

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Re: A Stepfather's Wedding Vows to His Stepdaughter

On 2/27/2015 mominohio said:
On 2/27/2015 Cats3000 said:
On 2/27/2015 mominohio said:

I just actually just now went and watched the video of this (rather than just reading the written words), and how anyone could ever question or criticize the wording of this, when seen 'live' is beyond me. That is the problem with the written word. You can never capture the true emotion with which something is said. You never get the true context.

The man was tearful, and trembling, having trouble getting the words out. It was beautiful. If you can see this, and still use words like controlling, you have deep seated issues.

I'm not criticizing the written words. I'm NOT criticizing the spoken word, although I believe that talk is cheap especially in an emotional moment. I AM criticizing the ease and simplicity of the "no fault divorce". I AM criticizing 2nd marriages which are more likely to end in divorce than are first marriages. Are their reasons marriages should end? Absolutely. But, the vast majority of marriages end because one or both partners believe it's "time to move on to someone else", leaving behind bewildered children.

Cats3000, Sorry if you thought that post was directed at you. It wasn't at all, in fact, I totally agree with you on this subject and have stated so in a previous post.

This post was directed at a couple of other posters who chose the word controlling to describe his vow to have her pray.

Post #23 shows I was supporting your post, so sorry if you thought this more recent one was attacking you.

Sorry, but that is not the truth. It was the wording to "make" make her pray that some of us found off-putting.

There are other ways to teach a child to pray, but you were not happy with that suggestion.

Words matter, have is not the same as make.

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Re: A Stepfather's Wedding Vows to His Stepdaughter

On 2/27/2015 NoelSeven said:
On 2/27/2015 mominohio said:
On 2/27/2015 Cats3000 said:
On 2/27/2015 mominohio said:

I just actually just now went and watched the video of this (rather than just reading the written words), and how anyone could ever question or criticize the wording of this, when seen 'live' is beyond me. That is the problem with the written word. You can never capture the true emotion with which something is said. You never get the true context.

The man was tearful, and trembling, having trouble getting the words out. It was beautiful. If you can see this, and still use words like controlling, you have deep seated issues.

I'm not criticizing the written words. I'm NOT criticizing the spoken word, although I believe that talk is cheap especially in an emotional moment. I AM criticizing the ease and simplicity of the "no fault divorce". I AM criticizing 2nd marriages which are more likely to end in divorce than are first marriages. Are their reasons marriages should end? Absolutely. But, the vast majority of marriages end because one or both partners believe it's "time to move on to someone else", leaving behind bewildered children.

Cats3000, Sorry if you thought that post was directed at you. It wasn't at all, in fact, I totally agree with you on this subject and have stated so in a previous post.

This post was directed at a couple of other posters who chose the word controlling to describe his vow to have her pray.

Post #23 shows I was supporting your post, so sorry if you thought this more recent one was attacking you.

Sorry, but that is not the truth. It was the wording to "make" make her pray that some of us found off-putting.

There are other ways to teach a child to pray, but you were hot happy with that suggestion.

Words matter, have is not the same as make.

why is it any concern of yours even IF he did "make" the child say her prayers.................................raven

We're not in Kansas anymore ToTo