A Sardonic Senior Might Say

mousiegirl · ‎03-09-2010

As I’ve grown older, I’ve learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but annoying everyone is a piece of cake.

I’m responsible for what I say, not what you understand.

Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it the most never use it.

My tolerance for idiots is extremely low these days. I used to have some immunity built up, but obviously there’s a new strain out there.

It’s not my age that bothers me; it’s the side effects.

I’m not saying I’m old and worn out, but I make sure I’m nowhere near the curb on trash day.

As I watch this generation try and rewrite our history, I’m sure of one thing: It will be misspelled and have no punctuation.

Me, sobbing: “I can’t see you anymore . . . . I’m not going to let you hurt me again.”

My trainer: “It was one sit-up.”

As I’ve gotten older, people think I’ve become lazy. The truth is I’m just being more energy efficient.

I haven’t gotten anything done today. I’ve been in the Produce Department trying to open this stupid plastic bag.

If you find yourself feeling useless, remember it took 20 years, trillions of dollars, and four presidents to replace the Taliban with the Taliban.

Turns out that being a “senior” is mostly just googling how to do stuff.

I want to be 18 again and ruin my life differently. I have new ideas.

I’m on two diets. I wasn’t getting enough food on one.

I put my scale in the bathroom corner and that’s where the little liar will stay until it apologizes.

My mind is like an internet browser. At least 19 open tabs, 3 of them are frozen, and I have no clue where the music is coming from.

Hard to believe I once had a phone attached to a wall, and when it rang, I picked it up without knowing who was calling.

Apparently RSVPing to a wedding invitation “Maybe next time” isn’t the correct response.

She says I keep pushing her buttons. If that were true, I would have found mute by now.

So you’ve been eating hot dogs and McChickens all your life, but you won’t take the vaccine because you don’t know what’s in it. Are you kidding me?

There is no such thing as a grouchy old person. The truth is that once you get old, you stop being polite and start being honest.

meallen616 · ‎01-10-2013

@mousiegirl,

moonandthestars · ‎03-11-2010

@mousiegirl funny!!

bayflwc · ‎08-07-2010

@mousiegirl - Well said. We could be twin minds.

kitcat51 · ‎09-15-2016

I knew I read this before so had to look & found it on PrettyApt, some of it is funny.

RedTop · ‎09-01-2010

Absolutely the way my brain thinks after turning 60!

Malcontent · ‎05-24-2015

@mousiegirl

It’s funny getting old. You’ve been there, lived that, and yet there’s nothing you can do to help the young folks. They just have to go there too. You can only sit back and shake your head, because they think they know everything and think you’re old and stupid. lol

Foxxee · ‎10-03-2014

I’m responsible for what I say, not what you understand.

I've been known to use that one and will again...probably quite often.

My tolerance for idiots is extremely low these days. I used to have some immunity built up, but obviously there’s a new strain out there.

Yes, I used to possess a lot of it. Mine has worn very thin.

As I watch this generation try and rewrite our history, I’m sure of one thing: It will be misspelled and have no punctuation.

And their rewritten history is equally incorrect.

If you find yourself feeling useless, remember it took 20 years, trillions of dollars, and four presidents to replace the Taliban with the Taliban.

I think it was only one who actually accomplished this and deserves the honor.

There is no such thing as a grouchy old person. The truth is that once you get old, you stop being polite and start being honest.

It's amazing how many people can't tolerate the truth.