Community Chat

[jubilant]

@Zhills  Where I live they are doing a lot of memorial services some time after the death.  They still do obituaries but they are somewhere between $8.00 to $10.00 a word so it's expensive. Still.... the newspaper puts in a very short death notice. I am for the death notice to let people know. I'm also for the obituaries from the family if they can afford it.

I'm not one who thinks I need visitation and a full blown service. It's anywhere from $7,000- $10,000 for a full blown funeral program....which I think is ridiculous. However, I have told my daughter and husband to do what they need to do for themselves.  I have also told them that I wouldn't care one bit if they just buried me quickly and give the insurance money or some of it to the charity of either their choice or mine. They really can do whatever they want as far as I'm concerned.  My mother passed away last Dec. She was more traditional and wanted the visitation and funeral so that's what we did to honor her wishes.     

[Love my grandkids]

@beckyb1012 Actually I don't believe that "most people have an obit."  Over the past 20 years I've known of quite a few deaths and not one person had an obit. I don't think you can generalize that.

[Iwantcoffee]

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I think a funeral service and visitation is for family and friends to say goodbye, to pay their last respects. My cousin killed himself and the immediate family did not have a service, while I respect their need for privacy, I was not able to say goodbye and all these years unable to come to terms with his passing. Funeral and vistation provide an important step in the grief process for many.

[JeanLouiseFinch]

Maybe not common, but it may have been the decedent's wishes.  This recently happened with a family friend.  She received a terminal diagnosis, had only enough time to say her goodbyes to immediate family, and was gone within 2-3 weeks.  She told the family she didn't want a wake or funeral, so there was none. .  

[RedTop]

It seems to be a very common thing in my local area of southern WV, due to the increasing number of thefts by those following obituaries posted online and in the newspaper.   

City police and the Sheriffs Dept have been interviewed by TV reporters on the number of homes hit recently; all were elderly homeowners who have passed.  Thieves look specifically for obituaries listing children living out of state, as those homes are seen as easy targets for in and out thefts.  

My husband and I are not having services or obituaries.   

[Cakers3]

@RedTop  Very true.  It is often recommended that the home of the deceased and the homes of immediate relatives have  somebody to "house-sit" during the service.

And at least have a vehicle or two parked in the driveways if available.

[Cakers3]

Publishing obits are expensive; in our area back home the newspaper charged per word.

It's all personal preference;  I do not find it necessary to have to attend a service or a burial but for those who feel they do, that is fine.  Just remember it isn't about what you want; it is what the deceased may have already indicated to his/her family and I would respect those wishes.

Funerals are so expensive and sometimes the relatives may not be able to pay for one, too. 

[Nataliesgramma]

Another reason that hasn't been mentioned yet is alot of families just don't get along anymore.

Since retirement, hubby works as an usher parttime for a Funeral Home and he has seen fists flying a few times....

[Mom2Dogs]

Lately in my area a lot of funerals  are private or no services at all.

I do not want a service either.  I fear when my dh passes (he is not ill but quite a bit older than me..so most likely he will go first). I do not want to deal with a viewing, service, etc.  I don't think he cares, but will discuss it with him.

I am very private and don't have children (he has two, one lives locally ther other across the country).  They both know that I am in charge, and do not want to cause hard feelings but if it is up to me...no service and private burial for both of us.  

[RedTop]

@Nataliesgramma 

My husbands family has had 2 funerals where there was a police presence during the funeral service.  No police at the cemetery tho, and that's where it started!