Community Chat

[Goldengate8361]

This is a very interesting thread. I had been thinking that I would want to skip everything myself....but I didn't realize that others have chosen this, too (no funeral, etc). I am encouraged that there are plenty of others who feel like I do. From my perspective, your life is what you make it and your influence on others is what happens when you are alive. It stands on its own merit. I hope I am making sense to at least some of you that might still be reading this thread. Cheers to us all AS we live our wonderful lives! 

[qvcfreak]

They are very common in my area. 

I’ve purchased our 2 plots and all that goes with it and I’m currently paying for my funeral. I picked out the casket, flowers, music and the family gift that will go to my son.

[Twins Mom]

This winter had to place obituary for relative.  Cost was over $500 as we wrote it.  Funeral home advised very short obit with deceased name directing to funeral home site where we could display as planned, included in funeral plan.

As for including personal info, I have been advised to avoid using maiden names.  They are often used as security questions.  

[chiclet]

I don't want anything done for me like most have said.  However, when I was younger and someone died that we knew, you knew what to do.  Start cooking food for family, send flowers, go to funeral home for viewing, go to funeral etc....

Now when I hear someone died all I know to do is say "I am so sorry to hear that"  as there is nothing to mark their passing.  My sister died 2 years ago and nothing was done and I still feel like she is alive and I have just have not heard from her.  My brain knows the truth but there was nothing to make me think she was gone.  Maybe that is better.  

[violann]

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@Love my grandkids wrote:

@Zhills An obit is not as common as it was many years ago. When my late DH died as a retired AF officer he was entitled to a military funeral but told me years ago: No service, no obit. He was cremated per his wishes. All who knew and loved him knew of his death and had been in touch during life. No need to advertise to strangers or people who had been out of touch for years.

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This is a beautiful statement. 

[violann]

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@Twins Mom wrote:

This winter had to place obituary for relative.  Cost was over $500 as we wrote it.  Funeral home advised very short obit with deceased name directing to funeral home site where we could display as planned, included in funeral plan.

As for including personal info, I have been advised to avoid using maiden names.  They are often used as security questions.  

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THANK YOU @Twins Mom, for the comment about "maiden names". 

When my LO passes, I'd planned to have a Mass for her and her four sisters. 

Having read this very wise advice, I may rethink how I let people know about this.

[qualitygal]

Thinking that due to Covid, this may become a new norm.  I can think of instances where it's not worth mentioning, due to a solitary person.  

I think each person has the choice of what they want. 

[beckyb1012]

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@Love my grandkids wrote:

@beckyb1012 Actually I don't believe that "most people have an obit."  Over the past 20 years I've known of quite a few deaths and not one person had an obit. I don't think you can generalize that.

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Possibly but I check it every day here in my town, just habit as a Paralegal and all the Estate work we have done over the decades.  My paper as usually 3 to 6 every day.  Broke my heart in January this year and my "high school" boyfriend had passed on.

[Zhills]

@beckyb1012 I can relate to what you posted.  I think it is OK for former classmates to know.

Thanks to all who posted here.  Very interesting!  

[vermint]

My BIL passed away in February, no obit and no formal service--his wife simply could not afford it. She did host a gathering of close family and a few friends, very casual.