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Valued Contributor
Posts: 792
Registered: ‎01-01-2014

Re: 90 year old mother..........

As a person that just lost my 95 year old father, I can say that no one knows what went on behind closed doors.   I will reserve my judgement on this lady until she has been tried in a court of law and all information is released.  I hope and pray that something triggered her to do this and she spends no time in jail. If she did it because of Dementia etc (or other age related issues, she will go somewhere other then jail.   

Honored Contributor
Posts: 24,094
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: 90 year old mother..........


@SahmIam wrote:

@tansy wrote:

@SahmIam wrote:

A few posts hear say it beautifully: the fear, the loneliness, the loss of those things you hold dear/are important to you....for the majority is the worst part of ageing. I've watch it happen and I know that for ME, I don't want to be shut away somewhere because it's "good for me". You would have to drug me to the point I was 100% numb to handle that. 

 

I've made it very clear to those near and dear that I will say Good-bye to this world before it enters that stage. The last bit of control I have will be end it on MY terms and no one else. I know many who feel the same and have a plan in place. 

 

It's a truly sad situation all around.


You sound like my mother and things did not end well for her.  No one should assume that dementia or other calamities will never affect them.  


@tansy  I don't see that I said that anywhere in my post. My point is that I will end my life in order to not enter this type of a situation. I will not go into a home. I will not rely on any of my children for care. Therefore, there is only 1 choice to make, IMHO.Again, speaking only for myself, no one else.


@SahmIam@  @tansy

 

The problem here being is that you may not be in any condition to eng your life.  It happens all the time.  A fall, dementia, heart attack, you'll be in care somewhere and not able to or have access to a way to end your life.  

 

You'd better make arrangements for what others need to do to care for you, because usually that's what happens.  And get ready to be more flexible and not in control of everything because that only leads to misery for you and all around if you insist that the world be the way it is not.  Seen that and it changed the way I think about life. 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 24,094
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: 90 year old mother..........


@SahmIam wrote:

@Sooner wrote:

I'll add that for many people there is no alternative.  You can't let someone stay in a house and rot if you can help it.  You can't make many people sweet and happy about getting old no matter where they are--at home or in a facility.

 

You can't take care of them 24/7.  You might have to work, you might have to raise your kids, or take care of a spouse, what are you supposed to do?

 

I don't know that people should put their lives on hold for 10 or more years 24/7.  That's not fair either.

 

The bottom line is that when people get very elderly, you can't change the outcome.  You can try to make a difference along the way, but it is not possible to make them well, make them happy, prevent their decline, or keep them off needed meds.  I don't know what the answer is for sure. 

 

But a lot of people have a decidely unrealistic expectation of how bright and shiny and happy this whole situation should go.  Should you find an answer, the world is waiting. . . 


@Sooner  You suck it up and you DO take care of the person at the expense of everything else. That's Life. It's not fair, it ain't pretty and it doesn't care what you think or feel because that's Life.

 

I have been told this/heard this for decades due to caregiving being necessary in my family for many people. Unless you want to see them rot away in a state home or die, someone is going to have to step up and do the right thing. 

 

I've seen marriages fall apart; families ripped apart; lawsuits among family members; court hearings over charges of abuse....you name it, I've seen it OR been involved in it. I'm a full time caregiver now but it's my child. WHat was I supposed to do? Shove him in a room and let him die? Let the state slowly kill him? It isn't just your aged parents that this is a major problem for; it's also children, your siblings, your spouse. It's like this all over the world as well, so....yes, you ARE expected to take care of your loved one, no matter the cost. That's Life. *shrugs*

 

 

Edited to add: Believe it or not, I'm agreeing with you, Sooner.  The big issue I see here as well as overseas, is the simple lack of support for families/for caregivers in general. Society simply doesn't give a flip. It has a 3 months window of sympathy and then....don't want to hear about it anymore. We all have our own miseries and simply can't deal (or care) about anyone else's. It's our world today and it's playing out the same way all over.


@SahmIam  I am saying that often a nursing home or assisted living situation is the only sensible thing to do.  Sometimes no matter how much people want to stay at home, they cannot be cared for adequately in that situation.  I hate to see people beaten up, shamed and disparaged because an elderly realtive winds up in a nursing home.  Sometimes that's the only option.  

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Honored Contributor
Posts: 9,139
Registered: ‎04-16-2010

Re: 90 year old mother..........

@Sooner  Like I stated, I agree with you though my wording may have not sounded as if I did. In the end, families receive little to no support now and personally, I think it stinks.

 

As for taking matters into my own hands; there are arrangements that can be made. That's all, really.

Contributor
Posts: 25
Registered: ‎06-12-2018

Re: 90 year old mother..........


@RedTop wrote:

Police said they had responded to calls from that residence several times before, so I feel there is more to be revealed about this woman’s mental health status.   




 

I feel there's more to be revealed as well. 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 13,041
Registered: ‎01-02-2011

Re: 90 year old mother..........


@Sooner wrote:

@SahmIam wrote:

@tansy wrote:

@SahmIam wrote:

A few posts hear say it beautifully: the fear, the loneliness, the loss of those things you hold dear/are important to you....for the majority is the worst part of ageing. I've watch it happen and I know that for ME, I don't want to be shut away somewhere because it's "good for me". You would have to drug me to the point I was 100% numb to handle that. 

 

I've made it very clear to those near and dear that I will say Good-bye to this world before it enters that stage. The last bit of control I have will be end it on MY terms and no one else. I know many who feel the same and have a plan in place. 

 

It's a truly sad situation all around.


You sound like my mother and things did not end well for her.  No one should assume that dementia or other calamities will never affect them.  


@tansy  I don't see that I said that anywhere in my post. My point is that I will end my life in order to not enter this type of a situation. I will not go into a home. I will not rely on any of my children for care. Therefore, there is only 1 choice to make, IMHO.Again, speaking only for myself, no one else.


@SahmIam@  @tansy

 

The problem here being is that you may not be in any condition to eng your life.  It happens all the time.  A fall, dementia, heart attack, you'll be in care somewhere and not able to or have access to a way to end your life.  

 

You'd better make arrangements for what others need to do to care for you, because usually that's what happens.  And get ready to be more flexible and not in control of everything because that only leads to misery for you and all around if you insist that the world be the way it is not.  Seen that and it changed the way I think about life. 


You made the point that I was trying to make, @Sooner.  I am doing everything I can now to make it easier for my sons to care for me or their dad.