7/16 update on my husband - Page 13

LadyAlice · ‎06-14-2011

Dear @gidgetgh - I am so sorry for your loss. Your husband was so lucky to have such a devoted and loving wife. Please take care of yourself. The immensely caring advice from @IamMrsG also moved me to tears. Mr. G was a lucky man too. God bless you both. LadyAlice

gidgetgh · ‎03-09-2010

I thought I'd check in this morning. I want you all to know that I have read all these posts, twice. I didn't click the heart on each post because sometimes I wasn't logged in while I was reading. And to respond to posts, I didn't want to single any out because I deeply appreciated them all.

4 days in and it's just horrific to be honest. I knew always that if he passed away before me, the grief would be bad, but this surpasses anything I could have imagined. I am functional though. Taking a shower, putting on makeup, getting dressed, hydrating, eating....enough...and all that stuff. But I am so tired and am very shaky and as was mentioned here, the rest I am seeking hasn't come yet. I did the whole funeral home thing on Friday. I went alone to that. My sister offered to go and my stepsons didn't seem interested and I went alone which was actually my preference and I did fine with it. I was there forever, way beyond my attention span. But I got through it. My husband is being cremated and I'll tackle the burial in a few months. I can't have that on my radar right now because I will tackle it like a task and I can't handle tasks of that magnitude right now. Just can't do it.

I haven't had family over. My family is very small. As is my husbands. Again, my sister offered to come. But she also had a huge work thing this weekend, starting Friday morning and going all weekend. She works from home, but I hated for her to come all the way over here and worry about me AND do her work. I've asked her and my best friend to come in a few weeks to help my go through my husbands things.

I have had tons of phone visits with friends and out state family. I am a lick my wounds in private kind of person. I like the quiet. There has been way too much upset and upheaval in my life the last 5 weeks and I need some quiet. So phone visits are working well for me though they make me cry.

As for tackling things out of my comfort zone on my own I am ok with that. I didn't get married till I was 35 and for the last several years, I have been the one who does all the house "stuff". As my husbands health became worse, I was the alpha in the relationship and with getting all things for the house done. I'm comfortable in that role.

It just all feels so strange though. That he's actually gone and isn't coming back. That I am now a widow. It makes me feel suddenly old. I can't get the images of the last 5 weeks out of my mind, but they will fade in time. That after cleaning my parents house out and settling their estate in 2016, I have to do it again.

But I again want to thank everyone here for the continued support as I make my way through this. I've started posting again and I will be ok in time.

Why is it, when I have a 50/50 guess at something, I'm always 100% wrong?

Bri369 · ‎11-03-2018

@gidgetgh It's good to hear from you.

I'm glad to hear that you realize what you need right now.

Yahooey · ‎07-09-2010

I'm am so sorry for you loss -

Cakers3 · ‎06-17-2015

@gidgetgh I posted this elsewhere a few days ago and reading your update expressing not being ready to do some things and your preference to be by yourself is understandable. So I just want to give you this:

Sometimes it's okay if the only thing you did today was breathe ...

"" Compassion is a verb."-Thich Nhat Hanh

dooBdoo · ‎06-27-2010

@gidgetgh wrote:
I thought I'd check in this morning. I want you all to know that I have read all these posts, twice. I didn't click the heart on each post because sometimes I wasn't logged in while I was reading. And to respond to posts, I didn't want to single any out because I deeply appreciated them all.

4 days in and it's just horrific to be honest. I knew always that if he passed away before me, the grief would be bad, but this surpasses anything I could have imagined. I am functional though. Taking a shower, putting on makeup, getting dressed, hydrating, eating....enough...and all that stuff. But I am so tired and am very shaky and as was mentioned here, the rest I am seeking hasn't come yet. I did the whole funeral home thing on Friday. I went alone to that. My sister offered to go and my stepsons didn't seem interested and I went alone which was actually my preference and I did fine with it. I was there forever, way beyond my attention span. But I got through it. My husband is being cremated and I'll tackle the burial in a few months. I can't have that on my radar right now because I will tackle it like a task and I can't handle tasks of that magnitude right now. Just can't do it.

I haven't had family over. My family is very small. As is my husbands. Again, my sister offered to come. But she also had a huge work thing this weekend, starting Friday morning and going all weekend. She works from home, but I hated for her to come all the way over here and worry about me AND do her work. I've asked her and my best friend to come in a few weeks to help my go through my husbands things.

I have had tons of phone visits with friends and out state family. I am a lick my wounds in private kind of person. I like the quiet. There has been way too much upset and upheaval in my life the last 5 weeks and I need some quiet. So phone visits are working well for me though they make me cry.

As for tackling things out of my comfort zone on my own I am ok with that. I didn't get married till I was 35 and for the last several years, I have been the one who does all the house "stuff". As my husbands health became worse, I was the alpha in the relationship and with getting all things for the house done. I'm comfortable in that role.

It just all feels so strange though. That he's actually gone and isn't coming back. That I am now a widow. It makes me feel suddenly old. I can't get the images of the last 5 weeks out of my mind, but they will fade in time. That after cleaning my parents house out and settling their estate in 2016, I have to do it again.

But I again want to thank everyone here for the continued support as I make my way through this. I've started posting again and I will be ok in time.

Reading your original post and then this one with tears in my eyes. I am so sorry, @gidgetgh. I didn't know. Your poignant eloquence and emotion, your truth, resonate deeply with some of my memories and, no doubt, those of others too. So many of the posts on this thread moved me to tears. My condolences. May your husband rest in peace, may you find comfort and strength moving forward.❤️

Few things reveal your intellect and your generosity of spirit—the parallel powers of your heart and mind—better than how you give feedback.~Maria Popova

Lilysmom · ‎03-09-2010

@gidgetgh , just wanted to know I think about you often. Post when you are ready. You are missed. LM

@gidgetgh , I posted before I saw your latest post. Like you, I am a very private person so I relate to how you feel. I know you are a strong person and I also know that this is a body blow of huge proportion. Take the time you need. I am relieved you don't have to go through his things alone. May God bless you and watch over you in your time of need. LM

bricklee · ‎12-29-2018

My condolences .

alicedee · ‎07-25-2010

I'm glad you feel comfortable coming here to share your feelings. We all need some kind of outlet. Sounds like you have good friends and a lovely sister, too. And I totally understand your need for alone time to process and grieve.

It takes time to find your new "normal". It's not an easy journey, but you will get there. Wishing much strength and comfort to you. 🌷

Terrywu · ‎05-09-2010

So sorry for your loss. Do what needs to be done as you feel comfortable doing it. Take care of yourself, rest whenever you can. I think these forums are an excellent outlet when one is troubled. Good luck.