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If there is a month that celebrates transition, it is September.  It is the time when parents observe the annual age-old tradition of escorting a child to his/her first day of school, from Pre-K to college.  For any parent, it is both an exciting and emotional rite of passage whatever the age or stage of the child.

This year, I found myself in a new transitional role, assisting my mother as she moved from the house where she raised her family to the first home she would occupy as a single person, after fifty-six years of marriage. It was a defining moment in both Mom’s life and in mine. 

Having shepherded our eldest child cross-country to attend her first year of college exactly six years ago, I couldn’t help but feel a sense of deja vu.  These two moves had much in common but my role was switched.  This time, I was not the parent assisting the daughter but now I was the daughter assisting the parent.  Something told me to pay attention to this life-defining transition rather than just go through the motions of moving.  Why not approach this situation with a learning attitude? What wisdom could be gained about navigating major life change?  Was there a way to face life’s transitions with grace? Might my findings from this experience apply to next year when our youngest child will leave the family nest and make his way to college? 

College tours are in full swing with our son, Nick, who is a high school senior this year.  It’s hard to believe that his sister started her college adventure six years ago

From this experience emerged not one but five tangible insights, applications that I know I will make both now and in the future. I hope that my discoveries are helpful to you as you continue to face changes in your own life, both big and small.  Here are my learnings:

1. Focus more on immersing yourself in the new set of circumstances rather than dwelling on the past.  Up to this point, I’ve been a big believer in closure.  I wanted to be the one who provided support to my mother as she locked the door to our family home for the last time.  Looking back now, I think this desire to be there might have been more for me than for my mother.  Much to my initial chagrin, the moving day shifted at the last minute, making it impossible for me to be there to say goodbye to the past as I had envisioned. My role became, whether I liked it or not, Chief Future Greeter, meeting my mother and the moving vans at her new Southern California home.  Together, over the period of three days, we unpacked a never-ending supply of boxes and carefully placed her household goods.  We decided to open each box as we would a gift.  As meaningful items made their debut, we talked about the circumstances and the people associated with each.  We smiled and laughed a lot, creating a new and unexpected mother/daughter camaraderie amongst the disarray, a pleasant discovery for both of us.  We paid attention to each other, recognizing how fragile our emotions were, silently acknowledging that after a half century of marriage, my Dad would not be joining her here.  Neighbors helped immeasurably, introducing themselves and making Mom feel welcome.  My confidence in Mom’s ability to thrive and my own ability to let go grew as her adorable house began to possess a similar charm to her previous one. 

Setting up this hutch with dishes from a favorite Italian vacation that my Mom and Dad shared together helped to make her new house a home

I was once again reminded that it is people and memories associated with our most treasured possessions that make a house a home. I now know that in some cases, saying goodbye to the past is not as important as saying hello to the future.  I know that I won’t return to our family home because the images that  live on in my mind’s eye provide the best sense of closure that I could ask for.  My new philosophy:  Joyfully embrace the future.  There is no other option.

2. Take time to reflect and recharge. Look for opportunities to recharge your batteries even when you have an overwhelming number of “to do’s.”  Each day, Mom and I consciously took short breaks every couple of hours to promote rest for our minds and bodies as well as to gain appreciation and awareness of our evolving surroundings.  Even though we unloaded at least 100 moving boxes, I was pleasantly surprised how short breaks really do fuel higher productivity.  We enjoyed coffee outdoors while establishing relationships with the local baristas and regulars who congregated every morning at the local coffee place just before 8am.  We walked around the new neighborhood to familiarize ourselves with the layout of the streets which also allowed us to talk about what we were discovering together on this moving adventure

Walking and talking provided us an excellent opportunity to take in all that was new - from the new neighborhood to meeting new neighbors

3. Consider disconnecting from social media and television. This may sound odd coming from a television media spokesperson but I’m going to go ahead and admit it because this best practice happened completely by accident.  During the entire three day move both the television and wi-fi were not connected.  What first appeared to be an inconvenience turned out to be a godsend.  Without the constant visual and audible background noise, we felt increasingly focused on the major tasks at hand.  I felt less distracted, less agitated and more present.  It was like going back in time, when I was a kid, when these external influences were not the center point of our existence.  I went “cold turkey” during the day and caught up for only short designated periods at night before falling into a deep sleep.  And guess what?!  Nothing was missed.  My mind was clearer and I felt a renewed sense of personal power and peace.  At the same time, everywhere we went, I couldn’t help noticing the number of people looking at their mobile devices, seemingly transfixed, totally unaware of what was going on around them.  It gave me a moment of pause because if you had turned the tables on me a week earlier, the transfixed person on her mobile device could have easily been me.

4. Just Say No. The shortened time period designated to accomplish a lot influenced my decisions greatly.  Usually my answer to most requests from friends and family is:  “Yes.”  As a result, I, like so many women, often find myself struggling to fit everything in, happily serving others but, at the same time, paying a high price, depleting my own personal time, energy and resources.  The intensity of the move, combined with me being the primary work horse, forced me to string words together that I had never uttered in my life ever:  “No, I’m not available now.  I’ll let you know a better time later.”  And guess what?!  Everyone understood.  Nothing was a crisis.  My energies were saved for what mattered most that minute, that hour, that day.  “Very interesting”, I noted to myself on more than one occasion.

5. Welcome Serenity By Clamping Down On Clutter. Over the course of our lives, we accumulate a lot of things, but only some of these are meaningful, adding a sense of comfort and  depth to our surroundings.  In the final analysis, these items are what matter.  My philosophy is:  refine, refine and when you’re done, refine some more.  Clutter clouds your existence; it adds unnecessary complexity to your personal space.  You’ll know if objects are meaningful if they reinforce both your identity and your personal history.  My philosophy:  Maximize meaningful; Clamp down on clutter.

My husband, Monte, and I returned to my Mother’s new place three weeks after her move to pick up some special pieces of furniture she wanted us  to have.  These items, like our family dining room table, will allow us to celebrate the past as we reinvent the future.

It’s been a few weeks since the initial move. Have I put some form of these five practices into place since?  Yes!  Every single day.  How do I feel?  Present.  Calmer.  Happier.  More peaceful.  I can’t think of a better way to face the future and a new Fall Season.  I wish the same for my Mother and for you.

Be well,

XOXO

Heidi 

 

Heidi Guest has been a cosmetic executive for over 25 years. Today, she is the On-Air Media Spokesperson for philosophy, a lifestyle brand that focuses on causes benefiting the mental health and well-being of women. Married to her college sweetheart for the past 29 years, Heidi is the proud mother of Caitlin, 23, and Nicholas, 17. A San Francisco native, who has lived with her family in the New York metropolitan area for many years, Heidi and her family currently live in Paradise Valley, Arizona. Active in local and national philanthropic efforts that support women, children and families, Heidi's greatest passion is helping others live into their full potential both personally and professionally.