Should I be honest- UPDATE - Page 3

Tinkrbl44 · ‎08-23-2010

Hmm. Well, I guess I'm going to be the lone dissenter here....

Instead of "telling" her she's not a kid anymore, why not ask about dealing with the additional maintenance of such a style.

HOW is she going to deal with daily upkeep? What styling products is she planning to use? Can she show you how she styles her hair? (A lot of older women have trouble holding a hair dryer up for long periods of time). Does she realize how much WORK this new style will be?

And I have to ask .... could she now have "a little dementia" going on here? Or is she just slightly delusional when it comes to her appearance?

Kitlynn · ‎03-09-2010

As we age I think we just want to do what we think will make us look better. Now for an example about myself. When I was in my thirties I had my hair cut short and dyed really blond

. I was also really tan. It looked amazing. Now a few weeks ago I saw that photo and thought oh I should do that again. Well at sixty four and not tanning it would not look the same at all. But the flip side is it is only hair. If your Mom thinks she will look that way again let her try it. My guess is she will look in the mirror and decide that it isn't what it use to be.I would also point out very nicely how wonderful she looks with the hair style she has been going with. We all would love to capture our youth again!!!

LuvmyLab · ‎06-07-2010

My mom always told me to be honest with her when she asked my opinion on something (hair, new glasses, something in the home, etc.) and I always was because if I was asking someone's opinion I would want them to be totally honest.

Abrowneyegirl · ‎03-15-2010

@deja vu

@Porcelain

Agree! When her hair is cut to the chin or just a few inches longer all she needs is a gel or mousse and she gets bounce and waves.

Unfortunately, she will not blow dry or use any heat appliances on her hair. For special occasions setting gel and rollers.

She is NOT a hair person.

She is very frustrated with her hair right now because it is hot and wild. I do not even know how to help it is so unmanageable.

Abrowneyegirl · ‎03-15-2010

@pugvette74 wrote:
@Abrowneyegirl Please let her be. It sounds like she is excited about growing her hair. It's her hair and her decision.

Thats the problem, she is NOT. She seems to think that at some magical length it is going to look like it did in the photo when she wakes up in the morning.

When she asks me about my hair and I tell what and how she always has the same response, "I would never spend that much effort on my hair......"

That's why I am wondering if I need to remind her that the photo is a Glamor shot photo and she had a professional hair stylist and make-up artist.

KBEANS · ‎06-08-2020

@Tinkrbl44 @LuvmyLab

I agree with you ladies. Honesty is the best policy. I would let mom know it is not becoming to her or easy to care for..even with help from me. @Abrowneyegirl Remind her that she's been blessed (as you say) with good hair and is fortunate that she is able to wear it in a shorter,modern cut, making her look on trend. I would not encourage her with hair products that she probably will not use, because you say she doesn't take care of it. I would gift her a beautiful head scarf, especially if she can't or won't take care of her hair.
Mom and I have the opposite problem. Bad hair. I now have to keep mine long so that it covers the light areas. Mom (86) has been stuck in the house. Her hair has grown and she knows she needs a haircut, but is not ready to venture out yet. Surprisingly her hair grew in nicely. She hates it, and cannot do a thing with it. I like it. But it is a pain to care for. It has become my responsibility, until I get her to the salon.
If it really doesn't look nice you'd be doing mom an injustice to have her walk around looking unkempt. Sad but true; our elderly parents appearances will give the impression we don't take care of them.

deja vu · ‎03-09-2010

@Abrowneyegirl

Do you think at some point she will get frustrated enough on her own to cut it back to chin length ? Maybe the being hot will change her mind sooner than later.

Only other suggestion-question I know is does she have the right products for her hair type to let it air dry when she wants, such as the right towel, oil, leave in air dry stying products ? Or is she just not interested now ?

I don't see why you couldn't remind her of the hair then verses now..especially if she's asking you.

~love hard~~play hard~~be kind~~~life is short~

Porcelain · ‎02-19-2014

@Abrowneyegirl wrote:
@pugvette74 wrote:
@Abrowneyegirl Please let her be. It sounds like she is excited about growing her hair. It's her hair and her decision.
Thats the problem, she is NOT. She seems to think that at some magical length it is going to look like it did in the photo when she wakes up in the morning.

When she asks me about my hair and I tell what and how she always has the same response, "I would never spend that much effort on my hair......"

That's why I am wondering if I need to remind her that the photo is a Glamor shot photo and she had a professional hair stylist and make-up artist.

It sounds like you don't have confidence in her to figure this out on her own. Unless you know something about her cognitive situation that suggests otherwise, I think she'll figure it out.

One day she will look in the mirror, be disappointed again, get tired of it, and probably go get it all cut off. Then she may go shorter than you prefer. But it's her hair. Our parents had to let these things go when we were teenagers, so sometimes we have to return the favor later on.

If you really want to mention the glamour shot issue, you could say that you've always thought she looks way better in real life than in that picture and that they use all sorts of tricks to make people not even look like themselves. And that you've always loved how she looks with shoulder length hair. And then back off.

When you’re accustomed to privilege, equality feels like oppression.
"Power without love is reckless and abusive, and love without power is sentimental and anemic." - Dr. Martin Luther King Jr

GenXmuse · ‎05-15-2016

Maybe she'll end up liking it. You don't know.

shaggygirl · ‎11-24-2011

@Abrowneyegirl wrote:
with my mother or just let it go....

My mother keeps telling me she is letting her hair grow and every few weeks when I see her it is just getting more and more wild and unruly because she does not like to style her hair.
She has thick hair with natural wave/curl - we are blessed with hair in our family BUT humidity is not our friend.

Finally, I asked her, what is her plan? She told me she found an old flattering photo of herself when her hair was long she looked so soft and fresh so she is growing her hair.

I now realize she is talking about a Glamor Shots photo from 40 years ago. Remember those?
You went in and they professionally styled your hair, did your make-up, and took filtered photos that were highly edited.

For some reason, she thinks it was the hair that gave her that soft young look because now her hair is shorter she looks older.

Should I remind her we are all older and have changed and the long hair is not the fountain of youth? Great lighting and photoshop is but for real-life come on. I am older now than she was in that photo then!!!

She and her hair look FABULOUS when it is in a chin-length style that removes the weight and allows the curl to shine. She also has great skin.

Should I be honest with her or just let it go? I do not want to burst her bubble but......

@Abrowneyegirl

OMG, reading the first line of your paragraph that starts with "my mother keeps telling..." scared me. For a minute there I thought it was my daughter writing.