Beauty

[UMDTerpFan]

Three time cancer survivor here. Be there for your friend. Let her lean on you and talk if she wants to. Inspirational books may help. I remember getting a book about a woman who became paralyzed after a diving accident who ended up becoming a renowned artist (she used her mouth to paint pictures) which helped me to use the inspiration to get past my own hurdles. Don't offer advice, stories of other peoples experiences unless she asks. But I do believe in mind over matter so try to keep her thoughts positive. My first battle with colon cancer was 25 years ago. So many people do survive and go on to live rewarding lives. For anyone dealing with cancer, I highly recommend finding the best doctor for whatever type it is in your area. If you live close to a big teaching hospital such as Johns Hopkins, Cleveland Clinic, Mayo Clinic etc., consult a specialist there if possible. Thoughts and prayers for your friend.

[barrel racer]

A friend's mom said she was always cold when getting chemo so I made her a cotton blanket. She loved it. My daughter's friend started massive chemo right after Christmas and was in the hospital for a month. She asked if I would make her a slouch chemo hat which I did right away. I also tested for bone marrow for her. I hope your friend makes a full recovery.

[magemay]

I can't offer really anymore than all of the wonderfully compassionate women above have, other than I will pray for her complete and lasting recovery.

Both she and you are very fortunate to have the love of each other.

[maestra]

On 2/1/2014 imaclotheshog said:

I would ask, before I took meals to her. My neighbor with cancer, did not want meals. She was sick and did not have an appetite and the smell of certain foods made her sick. Please ask her before you take any type of food to her.

I had chemo about 2 yrs ago for 8 months. Check what foods she can stand smelling and tasting (if she gets thrush as I did, eating can be difficult sometimes). Sense of smell and taste can change due to meds and skin issues, rashes, occur. Running errands for or with her is helpful. My hairdresser washed my hair and blew it out 1x a week b/c I couldn't stand in the shower long enough to do it myself (DH put a beach chair in the bath for me). I lost my hair but getting out even briefly for anything like tea or a walk was so nice.

[maestra]

To other survivors-chemo isn't for sissies-you are right. If she is Roman Catholic she can have Eucharistic ministers in to offer the sacrament of Communion and a priest can anoint/bless her. I took great comfort in this as well.

[KateChopin]

Here is what NOT to do. Don't drop in without asking first, but please ask. Don't hold it against her if she doesn't return calls or want to talk, but don't stop trying unless she asks you to. Don't go to religion if she is not religious.

Offer to go with her to treatments. Ask of you can cook a meal or two and bring it over. And avoid being maudlin...it's not a death sentence anymore.

Good for you for caring!

[PuppyBreath]

A lot of how she will feel depends on the type of cancer she has. Plus, some tolerate treatment better than others. Some lose their hair, some don't. Some are always nauseous, and some not. Here's what I do remember with my DH - he always wanted someone sitting with him during chemo. 99% of the time it was me. !% was one of our kids when they could get away from work. I did the driving, too. Whatever he needed me to do.

Interestingly, his buddies from work would bring lunch once a month. He would happily eat it with them, and then usually throw it up after they left. He honestly didn't mind.

He loved getting cards in the mail. He didn't like phone calls. (He never did like the phone anyway.)

Don't hesitate to ask what she needs from you. Everybody says - I am here if you need me. That really is meaningless to the person. Be specific. Ask if she would like you to drive her to her treatment, or stop and pick something up she needs, etc.

[lucylover64]

What a great friend you are! And that is the best gift you can give her: being you and being with her! I am a psychotherapist and have worked with many people who have been affected by cancer. I understand what it feels like on the other side as well due to several family members having been diagnosed. My own friends were my ROCKS when my family was struggling, including during my own biopsy scare. It always gave me strength when they simply said that they were here for me and wouldl never leave. My thoughts and prayers go out to your friend, her family, and to you.

[casuallady]

A soft fluffy robe, crèmes, books. I had colon cancer 5 1/2 yrs ago, and did 6 months of chemo. My daughter also sent me a portable DVD Player for when I went for treatments, also some DVD's.

[GCR18]

This thread really helped me. My friend was diagnosed with breast cancer last week after her yearly mammogram. She is scheduled for surgery next week. She was told it is an aggressive cancer and she'd need chemo and radiation. Her parents and daughter are coming for the surgery and her mother will come back when chemo starts. Her husband is retired.