Beauty

[kzjohnson]

Having been diagnosed with breast cancer almost 2 years ago to the day I will say the best thing people could do for me was to treat me normal.

I didn't want the special treatment, the hovering, the calls, emails, cards, notes, well wishes, etc.

Because of that, I actually told very few people that I was diagnosed. Things remaining as normal as possible was very important to me. That helped keep me fighting and kept my very positive attitude throughout the worst.

I had a few relatives and a couple very close friends ask if and how they could help. I appreciated that more than if I would have been blindsided with the best of intentions. I can't explain it, but I know I would have been very upset had any of them showed up with gift baskets, cards, meals, etc.

Just another viewpoint from someone who has been there.

[FLgardener]

MrsG--No offense, and congratulations on fighting the good fight against cancer, but I disagree with this:

P.S. One more thought: Listen closely to what she says, the words she chooses. For example, do not let her get away with talking about, "my cancer." It is something she needs to get rid of, not possess.

I am a six-year cancer caregiver and if my hubby wants to say "my cancer" that is his prerogative, and knowing him, his inference is that it is his very personal battle and every day he survives it is a little victory.

[jaxs mom]

On 2/1/2014 lacey1 said:

Chemo caused me EXTREME fatigue. I had trouble getting out of bed and dressed every day. Some days I just could not. Not much appetite, got dehydrated. I could not handle visits from family and friends. No energy for reading or TV-just a dishrag. I think the best help would be to take a load of laundry home, and bring it back folded. Grab the mail out of the box, and bring it in. Be available to drive her to appointments. One of the big things that I needed was for DH to answer the phone and talk to people. I felt bad not taking calls, but I was too wiped out.

I started to lose my hair after the 2nd treatment. It started coming out in clumps. My pillow was covered in hair. I couldn't wash or brush it because it was such a mess. I finally had to have my head shaved. I was too exhausted to go to a salon, so DH did it with clippers in the basement. It was such a shock to see myself with a shaved head-more traumatizing than the mastectomy, if you can believe that. If your friend loses her hair, be prepared to offer to help her deal with that.

I hope all goes well. Chemo is rough, (and that's a huge understatement).

I had a different type of cancer but otherwise I had a similar experience regarding losing my hair ( in my case I was able to put off shaving my head for almost 3 months and my husband did it for me also), feeling constantly tired and food didn't taste good and I was very sensitive to smells. What I really wanted was someone to help keep my house picked up and do the grocery shopping. I really think my husband had it so much harder than I did. He was just devastated and couldn't cope. He really needed someone to talk to and someone to help lighten the load since he had to care for our kids almost on his own and keep the house going plus go to work.

Child care, shopping and cleaning was what I really needed. And do not show up if you are sick, or have recently been vaccinated. Those were the instructions from my oncologist.

Losing my hair was the worst, and I was hot all the time so I couldn't tolerate hats or wigs even though it was winter.

The last thing I wanted was food, but a cozy throw would have been wonderful. I ended up getting a lap dog which gave me a lot of comfort when I was too exhausted to do anything.

[DianeInTx]

I learned of this site from a thread on here a few years ago and been a part of since then. CHEMOANGELS,COM. It is non profit group. We are matched up with people who have cancer and offer support through weekly cards or letters and sometimes gifts.

[jaxs mom]

Oh one more thing, please don't fall apart on me. I can't tell you how many people, even ones I wasn't close to, just acted like they had been dx with cancer. I spent more time consoling them than anything.

[kzjohnson]

On 2/1/2014 jaxs mom said:

Oh one more thing, please don't fall apart on me. I can't tell you how many people, even ones I wasn't close to, just acted like they had been dx with cancer. I spent more time consoling them than anything.

Oh my...I thought I was the only one that had this happen to them! As soon as my mom found out, my breast cancer was more about her than it was about me. I wound up doing the same...trying to make her feel better about what I was going through.

Strange how that happens...

[Tigriss]

Awesome bed sheets would be a nice gift as well. Skin can be ver sensitive during this time, so some new bed sheets, pillows, reading pillow (I got a great one at BBB Dr. Mas. It is very supportive and doesn't require heavy lifting or lifting many pillows to get to set up in bed.) and a bed tray for meals in bed. The luxury of breakfast in bed kind of treatment would be nice. Body lotions, oils, shea butter (Shea Moisture at Walgreens is very nourishing and great for sensitive skin), baby wash (again the skin), and address any changes in facial care she may need. She may have to change products due to skin changes. New bath towels, robe, pjs, dressing gown, pants suits (like the velour ones that you just pull on, throw on a t-shirt, and zip the jacket up) and slippers/socks for cold feet. Offering to do her a mani/pedi would be a good girls thing since she most likely won't feel like going anywhere or doing it herself.

[kivah]

I had ovarian cancer 8 yrs ago - total hysterectomy and chemo. Before u buy her anything, ask her if she would like it. As far as food, blanket, etc. --- check with her first. Some things she may want - and others not. You sound like a great friend.

[lrmuffin]

I had colon cancer 13 years ago and all I wanted was to be treated normally. Continue to treat her like you always do. Don't worry about saying the wrong thing. Tell her the stupid things that happened at work and all the gossip. Complain about the usual things. I wanted distractions and to still feel normal, no matter what else was going on. The people who kept me connected with others gave me hope. The ones who cried on the phone and stopped calling made me think they knew something I didn't.

[10grands]

First of all - I am glad you are concerned and want to be helpful to your friend, but please let her set the pace. Is she having radiation or chemo, perhaps both, but probably not at the same time. Often patients have series of chemo followed by series of radiation or vice-versa.

The very first treatment is traumatic since you are not sure what to expect - I am thinking that the first day after treatment she might just wish to relax and be quiet. What others have mentioned is true - some foods might just not appeal to her. When I was going through chemo even though they give you things for nausea, etc., food just did not appeal to me and I ate mostly bland foods - actually I ate vanilla ice cream and peaches for many meals.

Maybe take some magazines a couple days ahead of her treatment, she can pick and choose what and if she wishes to take them with her. All treatments are different, some chemo treatments are not very long and others are several hours - depending on the type. The personnel in the departments are very kind and understanding.

I think the most important thing is to be a good friend, if she wants to talk about it - listen, but sometimes it is good to be able to concentrate on something else for a few hours or minutes even. Being a good friend is so much more important than any gift you could give her.