Beauty

[mistriTsquirrel]

---

@Pqfan wrote:

---

@mistriTsquirrel wrote:

---

@Pqfan wrote:

---

@gracie2014 wrote:

@Pqfan  Are you ok?

---

@gracie2014 Hi thanks for checking on me.

I am okay.

March 21 was the 2nd anniversary of my moms death and I have been feeling a little down since then. 

Feeling alone. 

Just existing not really living.

---

@Pqfan  @gracie2014

Hugs to you, Pqfan and gracie2014.  

At the end of this month it will be 3 years since my dad passed.  It doesn't seem like it's been 3 years.  In a way I feel like I've been in a state of suspended animation since then, even though so much has happened.

---

@mistriTsquirrel Hugs to you too.

That is exactly how I feel suspended animation.

I was always hoping you were okay but I was afraid to ask in the forum.

My heart goes out to you and everyone that are going through this.

I had a dream the other night her power scooter chair was going all over everywhere by itself  but there was no one in it.

Then it finally landed at an auction and it was sold.

---

@Pqfan

My dad was in denial about how sick he was.  After he died, I kept having these nightmares where he was present, and everyone else there knew he was dead except for him.  I can't tell you how many of those dreams I had, but they were upsetting each time.  Eventually I had a really bad one where he saw a picture of himself dead in his hospice bed.  He kept saying, "no, no" and crying.  I told him that yes, it was him.  Then I didn't have any dreams like that for awhile.  And then I had two dreams with him in them.  He told me he was on a journey.  He showed me things and answered some questions I had.  I didn't hear from him after that.  I assumed he was finally able to come to terms with his passing and go to where he was supposed to be.

Now I have dreams about him, but they are more like the typical dreams you have about family members...like memories you're having...not like visits from them.

I hope your mom will visit you too, pq.  Maybe if you pray or meditate or just speak out loud to her and ask her to visit...?  On the other hand, she may already be where she is supposed to be, not stuck in limbo like my dad seemed to be.  Not sure how all that works, but I hope you will find some peace.

[mistriTsquirrel]

---

@gracie2014 wrote:

@mistriTsquirrel Sending prayers and good thoughts your way. They say it gets easier as times goes on, but I have not found that to be the case. the anniversary of my dad's passing is less than a month away.

---

@gracie2014

I think that, in general, it is easier (for me).  But there are those times when the grief comes back again for awhile.  

And there's the issue that my mother and sibling resent the fact that I love my dad and miss him.  I forgave him for things he did to me; they never forgave him.  So they seem to think I don't have a right to love him, and they also seem to think that I've wronged them in some way because I forgave him and stuck up for him when he was ill and being treated poorly.

They are on one side and I am on the other.  My sibling and I no longer speak, and my mother and I speak as little as possible.  There is no mending this rift, because they think my feelings are wrong, and I think that's b.s.  I'm not going to apologize for loving him, or for taking good care of him when he was sick.  And they're not going to stop seeing me as the enemy.

In a way, I lost my whole family.  But what's done is done.  

[makeup addict]

Hugs and prayers to all of you. My parents are still with me and it hurts to think about them being gone. I'm an only child and they are my world. 

[I like celery]

---

@mistriTsquirrel wrote:

I think that, in general, it is easier (for me).  But there are those times when the grief comes back again for awhile.  

And there's the issue that my mother and sibling resent the fact that I love my dad and miss him.  I forgave him for things he did to me; they never forgave him.  So they seem to think I don't have a right to love him, and they also seem to think that I've wronged them in some way because I forgave him and stuck up for him when he was ill and being treated poorly.

They are on one side and I am on the other.  My sibling and I no longer speak, and my mother and I speak as little as possible.  There is no mending this rift, because they think my feelings are wrong, and I think that's b.s.  I'm not going to apologize for loving him, or for taking good care of him when he was sick.  And they're not going to stop seeing me as the enemy.

In a way, I lost my whole family.  But what's done is done.  

---

@mistriTsquirrel  Hope you don't mind me jumping in, but the part you mentioned about your family resenting you for forgiving your Dad kind of resonated with me.  Something similar happened to me regarding my Uncle.  He wasn't always the best person, but I "fought" for him when he became sick and was mistreated by his family.  It was just the "right" thing to do.  I didn't always like him, but I forgave him because how can you not forgive someone who is sick, weak, and near death?  No one deserves to be mistreated, and especially not somone who is gravely ill.  I lost relatives over this because they didn't feel he deserved to be taken care of, and didn't care if he was mistreated by nurses, nurses aides, etc.  It was appalling.  I don't know how someone can watch someone else not be properly cared for, and be okay with that.  Especially when it's a family member.  They couldn't understand how I could care, and I couldn't understand how they couldn't.  It was a horribly stressful and sad time.  I lost relatives in the process, but I would do it again in a heartbeat.  How can you not forgive someone when they are at the most vulnerable place they can be, and just the shell of the person they once were?  I still feel stress from it, even though it was almost two years ago, but I also firmly believe I did what any caring person would do, and I don't regret it at all.

[mistriTsquirrel]

---

@I like celery wrote:

---

@mistriTsquirrel wrote:

I think that, in general, it is easier (for me).  But there are those times when the grief comes back again for awhile.  

And there's the issue that my mother and sibling resent the fact that I love my dad and miss him.  I forgave him for things he did to me; they never forgave him.  So they seem to think I don't have a right to love him, and they also seem to think that I've wronged them in some way because I forgave him and stuck up for him when he was ill and being treated poorly.

They are on one side and I am on the other.  My sibling and I no longer speak, and my mother and I speak as little as possible.  There is no mending this rift, because they think my feelings are wrong, and I think that's b.s.  I'm not going to apologize for loving him, or for taking good care of him when he was sick.  And they're not going to stop seeing me as the enemy.

In a way, I lost my whole family.  But what's done is done.  

---

@mistriTsquirrel  Hope you don't mind me jumping in, but the part you mentioned about your family resenting you for forgiving your Dad kind of resonated with me.  Something similar happened to me regarding my Uncle.  He wasn't always the best person, but I "fought" for him when he became sick and was mistreated by his family.  It was just the "right" thing to do.  I didn't always like him, but I forgave him because how can you not forgive someone who is sick, weak, and near death?  No one deserves to be mistreated, and especially not somone who is gravely ill.  I lost relatives over this because they didn't feel he deserved to be taken care of, and didn't care if he was mistreated by nurses, nurses aides, etc.  It was appalling.  I don't know how someone can watch someone else not be properly cared for, and be okay with that.  Especially when it's a family member.  They couldn't understand how I could care, and I couldn't understand how they couldn't.  It was a horribly stressful and sad time.  I lost relatives in the process, but I would do it again in a heartbeat.  How can you not forgive someone when they are at the most vulnerable place they can be, and just the shell of the person they once were?  I still feel stress from it, even though it was almost two years ago, but I also firmly believe I did what any caring person would do, and I don't regret it at all.

---

@I like celery

I feel the same way.  I don't regret taking good care of him, and no amount of mistreatment from my family is going to change my mind about that.