Offer advice or leave it be? - Page 5

VaBelle35 · ‎03-10-2010

I'm growing my hair out right now, I want to get back to a short bob from my wedge cut. It looks awful and I hate it. The last thing I need is someone (especially my mother or sister) telling me my hair looks awful.

I will get it shaped up as soon as I can't take it anymore and continue growing it out to the length I want.

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QVC Shopper - 1993

# IAMTEAMWEN

SahmIam · ‎04-16-2010

@Abrowneyegirl wrote:
Well the votes are in......loud and clear "let it go."
DH was right "older women get a free pass."

I will focus on encouraging family to stop calling her Rosanna!! They do it to be 'cute' with her, but still- not an image to encourage.

They do not like to take her out to nice places looking like she does, but I will. As many have you have said, I do not have her forever and people understand.

One less thing for me to worry about!
I am glad I did not offer to help and make a mess of things.
Thanks everyone!!

What the heck does THAT mean? ANY woman who doesn't ask for advice shouldn't be given advice; age is irrelevant.

software · ‎06-08-2016

Give her advice when she asks for it

Until then.....shhhhhh.

@Abrowneyegirl wrote:
Would you want your daughter to say something.......?

My mother is in her young 70's and has great skin and dresses well. However her hair!!!!
She has thick, COURSE, wavy hair that is silver with 20% very dark brown (natural) that she has low-lights added to make the silver look more like high-lights. When she keeps up with it, the color looks great.

For some reason she has chosen to grow it out (despite her stylist and my advice) to all one layer, shoulder length. She usually wears shorter easy to wear styles as she has ALWAYS been low hair maintenance. No curling irons, etc. Which is hard with our type of hair-it needs to be tamed with heat or well cut.

This long hair is AWFUL, she does not style it, so her thick waves look wild and unkempt. The most she does is a headband to push it back off her face or pull it into a ponytail- neither options are working.

I have taken her to stylists with photos that would work for her hair/face/ability to style and she keeps saying- No, she wants to grow it out.

I so want to say something as it pains me to see her like this, when I said something to DH he noted it does look awful, but "who cares"? He told me to leave her alone - she is an old widowed woman, "what difference does it make?" So I have said nothing, but every-time I see her I cringe......

My question is; would you want someone to try to help you? Or say Nothing?
At what age do we give up?
I keep thinking that even at 70 she deserves to look nice, to me 70 is not that old! (her mom passed in her 90's and many people thought she was 75-80 years old).
Your KIND thoughts would be appreciated.

suzyQ3 · ‎03-09-2010

@jaxs mom wrote:
Those jaw clips never hold my hair. I use ficcares, flexi 8's, u pins and hair sticks.

@jaxs mom, well, believe me, if the jaw clip I posted can hold my voluminous, bushy, curly, sometimes frizzy hair easily, it can hold anyone's hair. :-)

Anyway, I highly recommend France Luxe accessories. Their barrettes are amazing. I also have a couple of their chignon pins that work nicely, but I find the jaw clips to be a bit easier, quicker, and a stronger hold.

They are worth worth the price.

~Who in the world am I? Ah, that's the great puzzle~ Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland

qualitygal · ‎10-04-2010

@Abrowneyegirl This old saying seems to fit to me.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Believe me, just love your mom and the hair won't matter a lick.

Reba055 · ‎06-23-2014

I wouldn't say anything unless you could work it into a conversation. For instance, maybe talking about someone on TV with short hair that looks good, and then saying, "I loved your hair short, why did you decide to grow it out?"

Maybe she got tired of going to the salon that often or objects to the cost. I've noticed older people with even a ton of money, can get really frugal because they think some of today's prices are ridiculous (and yeah, they can be, lol)

Buck-i-Nana · ‎09-28-2010

@suzyQ3 wrote:
@Abrowneyegirl wrote:
Well the votes are in......loud and clear "let it go."
DH was right "older women get a free pass."

I will focus on encouraging family to stop calling her Rosanna!! They do it to be 'cute' with her, but still- not an image to encourage.

They do not like to take her out to nice places looking like she does, but I will. As many have you have said, I do not have her forever and people understand.

One less thing for me to worry about!
I am glad I did not offer to help and make a mess of things.
Thanks everyone!!
@Abrowneyegirl, how sad. I hope they aren't treated that way in their later years.

@suzyQ3 - That's exactly how I reacted to that statement. It's just sad.

blueroses47 · ‎03-09-2010

I've also noticed that many much older women, like myself, are wearing their hair much longer, and more casual than in years past. I notice it, because I'm doing this, and although I will do what I want in most ways, I obviously don't want to look ridiculous, like a "Baby Jane" character.

I like the look myself, I don't like very stiff or styled hair (though I do love a really neat, good precision haircut), so I think these older women with longer, natural looking hair look very nice.

I think it's a trend. Years ago, anyone over 35 really did not have long hair, and especially if you had any gray.

CareBears · ‎08-30-2015

I have not had my hair cut or styled for over a year now, I am getting quite gray and it is now shoulder length, I have lots of hair and to top it all off, curly, I have always kept it short so I could just wash and go. I have reverted to wearing a pony tail while at home just to keep it off of my face.

I have always trusted my daughter to tell me when something does not look good on me or the wrong color on me, or whatever it may be, I know she is being honest with me and not set out to hurt my feelings. The last visit with her, she mentioned that it might be time for a salon visit, now if it had been anyone else I might have had my feelings hurt, but when my daughter tells me this I know it is because she cares!

feline groovy · ‎07-29-2014

@Snowpuppywrote:
@Dawnie wrote:
I agree with Roxxy. Say nothing. I am almost 70, have long hair in a ponytail. That's how I roll. If she wishes to do the same it's her hair and her decision! I am respectful of elders and their personal decisions unless they ask for my advice.
Rock on!

Not understanding wht the OP is so consumed with mom's hair.

Sometimes people can't deal with how family/friends/acquaintances reflect on them.

Like, "how will it look to others?"

We give too much power to other human beings.