Beauty

[Abrowneyegirl]

Well the votes are in......loud and clear "let it go."

DH was right "older women get a free pass."

I will focus on encouraging family to stop calling her Rosanna!! They do it to be 'cute' with her, but still- not an image to encourage.

They do not like to take her out to nice places looking like she does, but I will.  As many have you have said, I do not have her forever and people understand.

One less thing for me to worry about!    

I am glad I did not offer to help and make a mess of things.

Thanks everyone!!

[Havarti]

It sounds like you have already tried…to no avail.  Time to drop the subject and leave it alone.  Would you want her to insist you adopt the hairstyle she is currently preferring?  Of course not.  Let her make her own decisions…she is not hurting anyone or herself…she simply has a different vision for herself. 

[Abrowneyegirl]

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@Havarti wrote:

It sounds like you have already tried…to no avail.  Time to drop the subject and leave it alone.  Would you want her to insist you adopt the hairstyle she is currently preferring?  Of course not.  Let her make her own decisions…she is not hurting anyone or herself…she simply has a different vision for herself. 

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This is one of those examples that shows the differences in people--I have a standing 'order' with my trusted friends to SPEAK up LOUD and CLEAR if I ever wear something, etc that make me look awful!  I want to know.  

[Stormygirl]

@Abrowneyegirl you are so kind to even have asked for advice and secondly to be open to listen to that advice. I admire that and that you and DH care so much for the well being of your Mother. Admittedly I have often thought of asking for advice but havent come that far in my "courage" to ask here as I have had a life long deep seated fear of judgement and hurt. (long story on why but am working on it) Am also afraid of expressing the wrong words on paper that might be interpreted wrongly? LOL Yes your plan sounds like a great one! I know for me my hair and a few other little things are about the only thing I have some control over now as my illness has taken most of that away. (I had wanted to say that but didnt know how to express that prior) Hugs to ya xoxoxoxox Stormy

[patheticcosmetics]

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@Abrowneyegirl wrote:

Would you want your daughter to say something.......?

My mother is in her young 70's and has great skin and dresses well.  However her hair!!!!

She has thick, COURSE, wavy hair that is silver with 20% very dark brown (natural)  that she has low-lights added to make the silver look more like high-lights.  When she keeps up with it, the color looks great.

For some reason she has chosen to grow it out (despite her stylist and my advice) to all one layer, shoulder length.  She usually wears shorter easy to wear styles as she has ALWAYS been low hair maintenance.  No curling irons, etc.  Which is hard with our type of hair-it needs to be tamed with heat or well cut.

This long hair is AWFUL, she does not style it, so her thick waves look wild and unkempt.  The most she does is a headband to push it back off her face or pull it into a ponytail- neither options are working. 

I have taken her to stylists with photos that would work for her hair/face/ability to style and she keeps saying- No, she wants to grow it out.

I so want to say something as it pains me to see her like this, when I said something to DH he noted it does look awful, but "who cares"?  He told me to leave her alone - she is an old widowed woman, "what difference does it make?"  So I have said nothing, but every-time I see her I cringe......

My question is; would you want someone to try to help you?  Or say Nothing?

At what age do we give up?

I keep thinking that even at 70 she deserves to look nice, to me 70 is not that old!  (her mom passed in her 90's and many people thought she was 75-80 years old).

Your KIND thoughts would be appreciated.

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Is there a reason why your mom wants to grow out her hair? Does she have difficulty styling her hair?

She's fortunate that she has thick hair.

My mom is almost 86 & she has had the same hair style for years & does not let one white/grey hair show. Me, I don't dye my white/grey/ whatever color it is  hair anymore.

Being true to yourself isn't "giving up".

Why does it make you cringe when you see her?

[suzyQ3]

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@jaxs mom wrote:

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@Abrowneyegirl wrote:

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@jaxs mom wrote:

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@Abrowneyegirl wrote:

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@jaxs mom wrote:

By the way, I have thick wavy medium texture hair myself and I love it long. For one thing length adds weight which reduces the volume some. My hair has been hip length but right now I'm still growing it back out from a chop and it's almost to my waist again. If she wants to wear it up sometimes, you could get her some nice hair toys.

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This is the one hope I held out for - the shear weight would pull it down, but because it is coarse and the gray is wiry she is getting very WIDE hair like Rosanna Dane without the bangs and much more gray. 

The longer it gets the wider it gets.  And like me when it is humid out, oh my!

WEN has made a world of difference to my hair AKA barimetic reader!

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@Abrowneyegirl I also use Wen. How long is her hair now?

Mine doesn't really start to show the weight until it hits my back bra strap in length. Also if her hair is layered at all or she's growing out layers that also contributes to volume. I have to do a blunt cut. In fact when my hair was short, my hair dresser used to use thining shears on it. 

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Her hair is all one layer, no bangs - it is just past her shoulders and almost as wide.  If humid, ugh!  When I say Rosanna (as her brothers now call her) I mean it seriously!

Thinning shears have always been a friend of my mother's and mine.  When she wore her hair shorter sort of like Paula Dean's style the thinning shears were a must.  She could wear that style with little to no effort.

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@Abrowneyegirl When I cut my hair to collarbone I had to relearn styling it as the volume was a lot more than I was used to since it had been waist to hip for years. At shoulder length you're very limited on updos, although I could do a French twist. She'll figure it out. It's going to probably be a year before the length is such that she'll get some weight to the volume though. 

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@jaxs mom, I have embraced my curls, frizz, etc. and have let it grow out from very short to shoulder length. Believe me, it took more than two years!

I wear it down on the first or second day, but after that I do usually put it up. I can do so in a variety of ways, even though it's just shoulder length. I have some wonderful hair accessories (barettes, jaw clips, combos, slides) that help (France Luxe -- love them) or just a smooth scrunchie that doesn't leave as much of a bump.

One thing that  looks fairly decent is to pull the front back and up and clip it with a jaw clip. Then I pull out a few strands on the sides to soften the look. This way, much of the bulk is gone and the back is thick but nice spirals.

This one of the jaw clips I have (also have it in the smaller size, but my hair is almost too much for it):

[TX-starlight]

Say nothing. My mom never cared about her appearance, for some reason. I am just the opposite,lol... In moms older years, she cared even less. I suggested she blow dry instead of letting her VERY natural wavy, frizzy hair, air dry. She never listened. When she developed Dementia, I learned older people don't like being told anything,lol... and I felt guilty for ever trying to change her ways. Mom would dress in stained clothing, even when I bought new for her, she simply didn't care. 

[suzyQ3]

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@Abrowneyegirl wrote:

Well the votes are in......loud and clear "let it go."

DH was right "older women get a free pass."

I will focus on encouraging family to stop calling her Rosanna!! They do it to be 'cute' with her, but still- not an image to encourage.

They do not like to take her out to nice places looking like she does, but I will.  As many have you have said, I do not have her forever and people understand.

One less thing for me to worry about!    

I am glad I did not offer to help and make a mess of things.

Thanks everyone!!

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@Abrowneyegirl, how sad. I hope they aren't treated that way in their later years.

[jaxs mom]

Those jaw clips never hold my hair. I use ficcares, flexi 8's, u pins and hair sticks. 

[on the bay]

If it makes you feel any better, I've noticed a lot more women around 50-70 and more who are wearing their grey/silver hair longer and not styled.

I love when my hair gets straightened and slightly curled but I'm not going to do that every day and I've learned that I don't mind so much when its not.

I also think, like many of us, we never bought into the other style-dying,cutting, keeping short, perms, hairdressers every 3-4 weeks.(some don't have the money or desire or physical issues to do this).

I appreciate both styles but I know which one is me.(and it is not the short styled one)

And I would hope we look beyond that and see what is most important-that person!

My mother who dyed her hair for a very long time and gets it cut short every 3 weeks, would always ask me, do you want to get your hair cut, or "I wish you would do something with your hair." It made me feel bad to tell you the truth.

She's stopped asking me that, I sort of hope its cause my hair looks okay now (my children at least tell me I'm beautiful, though I don't always feel that way, they make me feel that way

My hair is right above my shoulders and for me I tend to like not too short on women though some can pull that off and its what they are comfortable with.

Styles are probably changing and more relaxed for some , along with more casual dress and that is okay for a lot of people.

Its good to embrace all our styles.

I look at the persons face, eyes, and heart, their kindness, their sense of humor, their thoughfulness.

I hope the rest of your family can stop focusing so much on if they like her hair and more with her as a person they love.