Re: OK let's hear from the Mother-In-laws

Msgdfx · ‎05-12-2010

I was blessed with a wonderful mother-in-law. She was like a 2nd mother to me. She was awesome. She had been gone for several years, but, I still miss her.

BeautybytesbyCC · ‎11-21-2011

My MIL never interfers, but doesn't really even want to be involved at all either. She lives 5 min away and never invites us over, never takes our daughters out for the day, doesn't answer her phone most of the time. I've called a few times in emergency situations and the phone was never answered, never a return call made to see if we needed anything. She also will pretend, years later, that she knew so and so had to go to the ER, etc. also, she has complained that her sister doesn't invite her to her GD's events, etc, yet she doesn't come to her own GD's events that she is invited to! She is also quite negative in general and although we had one big blowout many years ago (she practically shoved my mom, said mean things about her several times over the course of a year and then when hubby confronted her, made him cry-well, I could have just cut her out of our lives....but I chose to take the high road here. She has caused other distress along the way, such as making scenes at parties and resturants, but I've basically chosen to take each situation as it comes. ). This is quite different of a relationship than I thought I'd have with a MIL. My family has always been quite close and I wish my daughters had that. I am the only child and my parents are gone so I keep our little family close and try to teach my daughters about the importance of family through "us". We've also expanded our family to include friends over the past few years. (It felt good to get that all off my chest, btw!). Oh well! If she only knew the experiences she was actually missing out on. On the positive note, we have been occasionally asking her to drive the girls to their activity when I have to work (new hours) and she will do that. If only I could actually understand her!

OCGurl · ‎03-10-2010

I've had 3 MIL's, one I haven't seen in over 20 yrs. One is now in a nursing home and one I stay in touch with on FB and phone, we are many miles apart and I hope to be able to see her again soon.

My ex husband from many yrs ago still let's me know what is going on with my MIL in the nursing home, as she was so kind to me, even after our divorce and being my boys grandmother, she always was right there for the boys, when money was tight she always made sure we had enough for new school clothes.

My MIL from my late husband is always commenting on my FB page on how she is so happy that I have someone in my life. I waited 12 years after my late DH (her son) passed until I knew I found the right one. My MIL is thrilled for me and always says such wonderful comments to my new DH and I, and she will always comment nice things on my DH pictures as well.

I've been very blessed to have special MIL's and I hope I can be that type of MIL and grandmother.

Judge Liz · ‎10-06-2014

My MIL....a language barrier actually made our relationship strong. She spoke very little English & I spoke very little Italian. Over the years we both learned the others language....some very funny misinterpretations over the years. I'm blessed by all 3 DIL's. I know each son is happy & loved. All 6 (sons & DIL's) spend time together. I couldn't ask for anything better. Just as each son is his own person so is each DIL and the fact they all love each other is just the best. I knew my sons and trusted them so as they brought a DIL to the family of course I trusted them and their choice. My husband was killed when our boys were young...keeping family close is important to everyone but when you've lost someone those ties are seen as something to nurture & protect.

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

My MIL was bound and determined to make sure that the world knew who came first in her son's life--and that was HER, not me. She broke up two marriages, one in less than a year. She forced her son to choose who would be first in his life, and chose me.

I have seen this happen other times as well, and many years we had a poster here was on that mission and could NOT be convinced that she wouldn't win. It was unbelievable.

Anyway, being newly married is hard enough for two people, and when someone is trying to establish a position of authority in the marriage other than the two people, it leads usually to a lot of heartache. A couple cant make it without putting one another first I don't think.

loveschocolate · ‎05-11-2012

My in-laws are just plain weird. They don't "do" emotions. My FIL doesn't like hospitals..that's his excuse for not visiting anyone ill. My MIL doesn't drive...never has. She has a drivers license. She waits on him and her 4 grown sons hand in foot when we visit, which isn't frequently. When my mom passed, they didn't even show up to the funeral. Two years later when my dad passed, they made up some excuse to not go to that funeral either. Two years after that, my sister passed at age 52. They showed up briefly to that funeral..I believe because they were running out of excuses. Recently, my sister passed unexpectantly. No flowers sent to her service, no card. It's sad that I really don't have a relationship with them....they only live 20 minutes away. I have learned after 25 years of marriage not to "expect" anything of them. That way I don't get hurt. My DD used to get hurt when they never showed up for 'Grandparents Day" at her school. The times they never showed up to one of her events or were very, very late....For those of you with terrific in-laws, I envy you. I just will never understand mine.

MomCat · ‎09-12-2010

I've been married twice and I absolutely loved both MILs. I know other women who feel the same, but plenty who don't. The problems go both ways, but I feel sorry for the ones that it's the MIL, because there is no way the older woman is changing her attitude. Sad.

Me And My Shadow · ‎03-09-2010

On 10/23/2014 Sooner said:
My MIL was bound and determined to make sure that the world knew who came first in her son's life--and that was HER, not me. She broke up two marriages, one in less than a year. She forced her son to choose who would be first in his life, and chose me.

I have seen this happen other times as well, and many years we had a poster here was on that mission and could NOT be convinced that she wouldn't win. It was unbelievable.

Anyway, being newly married is hard enough for two people, and when someone is trying to establish a position of authority in the marriage other than the two people, it leads usually to a lot of heartache. A couple cant make it without putting one another first I don't think.

Sooner...This is exactly what I have been dealing with in our marriage...From the moment I first walked into my In-Laws' home, the lack of warmth and welcome from my MIL was so obvious...a definite red flag that I was too young and naïve to really understand...She is a very dominating, controlling woman and everything has to center around her...My FIL was a very quiet, meek man and never stood up to her...My BIL moved far away several years ago to get away from her control and my husband has allowed her behavior and has never stood up to her...He just has his own way of dealing with her; however, the situation has wreaked havoc on our marriage...She has shown nothing but total disrespect towards both of us and our marriage, yet he continues to ignore it and make excuses...I finally had no choice but to make the decision to stay as far away from her as possible, for my own self-respect, as well as my own emotional and physical health, as she is very toxic to be around.

I even cared for her and my FIL, when he became terminally ill, as my husband and I are the only relatives that live close by...She was actually jealous during this time over the care and attention that FIL was getting, and she made the situation even more stressful for us...She is now living alone and my husband takes care of her needs, as well as a caregiver service...I only stop by infrequently, as needed, as it is only the right thing to do...However, I just stay long enough to do what is necessary and get out of there as fast as I can...LOL

I try to understand that my husband has learned, from childhood on, the best way for him to deal with her...and to keep the peace...Their relationship is not a close one and he is doing what he has to out of obligation...To say the least, it has been the most challenging experience and testing of our marriage than I could have ever imagined!

Thank goodness, I have been blessed with a wonderful, close, loving and healthy relationship with my Mom and family...and it has made me realize how much my husband and his brother have lost out on...so I feel much compassion for them in that sense.

Sending my best to you!

Slainte' (Cheers) to all who have been blessed with a wonderful, healthy, loving relationship with their In-Laws...To have two families to share life with is, indeed, a gift to treasure!

My Best To Everyone! Smile

Gayle2 · ‎07-12-2011

Interesting thread. Relationship strain is hard. Last year I had a health scare and the first thing that went through my mind was my relationships. It is worth thinking about. I now approach relationships that way, as if, I am not going to be here forever.

twins mom · ‎03-14-2010

On 10/25/2014 EGW said:
Interesting thread. Relationship strain is hard. Last year I had a health scare and the first thing that went through my mind was my relationships. It is worth thinking about. I now approach relationships that way, as if, I am not going to be here forever.

BUMP