Is anyone here struggling with negative emotional reactions in there life? I have recently learned abit about this and after Mothers Day yesterday have decided this is what I tend to experience alot around my own Mother. I then feel guilty or badly for even having this emotion happen in response to something she says or does. It is a struggle I have had all my life.
I find my stress and anxiety over picking a gift for her to be at a point in my life that I simply no longer want/desire to do it at all. I try my best and obsess over finding just the right gift...I don't buy anything she has ever expressed a negative thing about. She doesn't like plants or flowers...she has said all my life that they are nothing but a waste of money cause they die. So I don't buy her any living ones....have bought faux ones instead. She only likes certain kinds of tops no matter the time of the yr....so I do my best looking for one to meet that...which can be like looking for a needle in a haystack sometimes of the yr.
I stressed so badly this yr over what I purchased....I picked up one of those fancy looking boxes at Marshalls that closes with a magnet and the outside is covered in some kind of wallpaper maybe with a pretty jewel on the outside to put her gifts in this yr. I was worried sick about her reaction to it...thinking she'll express a negative one. But I thought it was so beautiful and out of the oridinary....then I found a top that would meet the specific criteria...v-neck...3/4sleeves and a blend of cotton/polyester....and some expensive candies and such...wrapped it all in tissue paper and placed in the pretty storage box. To me it was a beautiful presentation and lot's of care and time was spent as finding a top seemed to prove to be a huge changelle this yr....either her size was not available or it was short sleeved or long sleeved...I almost gave up to be honest until I went back to other stores again another time looking for hours.
I told my H on the way over....I'll probably get a negative comment about this box. He said Why? it's really nice? I thought well if she hates it I'll take it back and give her some money for it. Sure enough she acted very odd about it....stared at it and said is this a bag? I explained it was a fancy box...like those hat boxes women kept from long ago and keep letters or photos or whatever in cause they were so pretty on the outside.
She kept looking at it oddly and said "I am afraid to open it" and I said "why would you be afraid of a box?". Then she spotted the pretty crystal jewel on it and said "oh I like this...I like bling" but nothing further and sat there. She kept saying she was afraid to open and see what I got her...so I said...if you don't want to open it you can do so after we leave. At this point I was feeling pretty sad.
She then said no and opened it....read the card and looked at the top and said she didn't think it would fit...and asked me why I bought her the candy. I thought to myself cause I didn't know what to get you and could only find 1 top that meets with your very strick expectations. I didnt' say that....I said they are very good chocolates and I thought you might enjoy them is all. She then decided to try on the top...as I pointed out it was her size. IT fit perfectly and looked very nice....I think she'll keep it.
She did stuff like this with everyone else bringing in gifts also...brother brought a plant and she immediatley said why did you get this...waste of money cause it dies. Not under her breath but right to your face. She doesn't handle things tackfully and I find that I no longer want to purchase her gifts at all to be honest.
The stress of it over the yrs and her reactions or what she says has made me feel like why bother with this?
People say you can't control other peoples reactions or behavior and I know that's true....and the only thing you can control is your own behavior. So I am thinking I should just give her a gift card and not bother with all the other. But I did try that once and she looked at me and said "what's this!"
Then I feel guilty for feeling and thinking what I am....it all seems like such a waste of time. I have gone thur this on every holiday with her and I find I am really thinking of just not doing it any longer.
Telling her about it is a waste of breath....I used to do that to see if we could make things more pleasant. I always pack the reciept in with the gift so she never has to keep anything she doesn't want....if you don't she will be yelling at you for it the second she see's the gift.
Sorry this was long....I feel abit confused and odd about my negative feelings...since it is my Mom and it's usually a holiday like yesterday or her b-day and it gets old going thru this over and over again. So has anyone just thrown in the towel on gifts??
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