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Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,377
Registered: ‎05-02-2015

Re: O/T: Is it OK to tell a loved one about their VERY unflattering, repeatedly-worn outfit?

I would stay out of it completely given her age. I know that at that age I would have taken offense at any criticism from my mother about what and how I wore things.

I Discovered That I Can Be Myself Without the Sky Falling In
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Registered: ‎06-23-2014

Re: O/T: Is it OK to tell a loved one about their VERY unflattering, repeatedly-worn outfit?

It's one thing if it's just your opinion and therefore you could just disagree about style and taste. If people are making comments behind her back, I think she would be mortified to know that. She obviously thinks it looks good or she wouldn't keep wearing it. I'm sure the OP was hoping she would tire of it and move on to something else by now. 

 

I would say something. It would be very hurtful to know that others are commenting based on the dress, and she has no idea. My heart would ache for my daughter. Obviously it is unflattering. I would want to know if it were me. Like some have said, if your mother can't tell you, who can?  I would have already said something long ago. 

 

I agree that family dynamics have changed to the point that everyone feels like they have to be PC about what they say. As long as you are loved, know you are loved and valued, and your parents would never want to do or say anything to intentionally hurt you, but guide and protect you, it shouldn't be a big deal. Of course everyone can go through tough times (like the teenage years) and we might be a bit more touchy, but deep down unless you really are mean and evil, they know you love them and have their best interest at heart. 

 

And ive never hesitated to apologize to my kids if I said something (or at least they thought I did) that hurt their feelings. This of course excludes discipline, where if they tried the guilt trip thing, I'd tell them real quick that wasn't gonna fly😜😄

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Registered: ‎06-13-2012

Re: O/T: Is it OK to tell a loved one about their VERY unflattering, repeatedly-worn outfit?

[ Edited ]

I think it is sad. I am sure I wore things my mom didn't think flattered me but she just wanted me to be happy and as long as I was happy and liked what I wore, then she was happy. I am glad my mom didn't burst my bubble by telling me something I loved to wear made me look frumpy (in her opinion) and looked awful on me. Your daughter obviousy thinks she looks great and isn't that all that really matters, or should, for her mom? Life is too short to fret over a possibly unflattering (your opinion) dress your daughter enjoys wearing.

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Posts: 54
Registered: ‎03-14-2010

Re: O/T: Is it OK to tell a loved one about their VERY unflattering, repeatedly-worn outfit?

"She has been wearing it for a good 4-5 years or so, and the fabric (which is pretty cheap to begin with) is looking faded and worn."

 

So she's been wearing the same dress since she was 15 or 16?  That's a lot of years to wear something as her "go to" dress.  If the fabric is worn, maybe you can suggest she retire it to being sleepware only. 

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Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: O/T: Is it OK to tell a loved one about their VERY unflattering, repeatedly-worn outfit?

juncus, whether you mean to or not, I think your post expresses a lot of negativity toward your daughter's appearance.

 

I'm a big fan of Mr. Rogers, who often said on his wonderful TV show, "I like you just the way you are".

 

If I were your daughter, I would want you to be thrilled with every positive thing about me, and to TOTALLY disregard what you consider negative about me.

 

If you did this, I would feel much more confident about having the courage to find my own way as an adult than if I thought something that I wore was a major focus in your perception of me as a total person.

 

I can certainly tell how much you love her from what you've written here, but you are so focused on this garment that I don't know anything about your daughter except that you are terribly disturbed about a dress she wears.

 

I'd love to know more about HER. Her dreams and talents and aspirations are so much more important in the long run.

 

Before you feel my comments are unduly hard, please understand that I learned this lesson the hard way, by experiencing it. 

 

 

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Registered: ‎03-14-2010

Re: O/T: Is it OK to tell a loved one about their VERY unflattering, repeatedly-worn outfit?

For those of you saying you have a great mother/daughter relationship and depend on the other's opinion....In most cases you are "asked" your opinion.

 

Her daughter is not asking her mother's opinion.

 

I also think it is awful that a mother would hide or destroy her adult daughter's dress.  I'd be mad as a hornet if my mom did that to me.

 

As far as her posting on a public board, no one including her daughter knows who she is.  It is a great place to get opinions from real everyday people.  There is nothing wrong with that at all.

 

I ask about personal things that I'd be embarrassed to ask my friends or family on public boards to get opinions.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,245
Registered: ‎04-16-2010

Re: O/T: Is it OK to tell a loved one about their VERY unflattering, repeatedly-worn outfit?

@juncus, since your daughter is studying abroad, by the time she returns to the U.S. she might feel totally diifferent about the dress. Most people would be proud of a daughter who has what it takes to go to France to study.. At any rate, just my opinion, it's not your place to dispose of it and no offense, you need to stop worrying/obsessing about your daughter's orange dress.

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Posts: 28,294
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: O/T: Is it OK to tell a loved one about their VERY unflattering, repeatedly-worn outfit?


@Tinkrbl44 wrote:

I'm really a bit surprised by the number of people who've said their mothers were quite unkind ......  did any of you stand up for yourselves, or tell those women if you wanted their opinion, you'd  ASK  for it?

 

(Personally, I had a mother whose taste was 180 degrees different than mine,  so I always discounted anything she offered in the way of fashion "advice")

 

I guess everyone's mom thinks they are a fashion expert. 


Good grief no I would have never said that to my mother.  And she said a lot of unkind things to me.  She loves me, but she and her mother both unfortunately said exactly what they thought.  

 

No matter, when your mother says unkind things to you, sometimes you hear them the rest of your life.  No matter how long you live.  My eyes are too close set.  I look at other people's figures to try to figure if that is really true. I even asked my eye doctor, who laughed and assurred me she "knows" eyes and they aren't.  But still, mother said. . . 

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,145
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: O/T: Is it OK to tell a loved one about their VERY unflattering, repeatedly-worn outfit?

I would want someone to tell me if something didn't look good.  You don't have to be mean about it, it can be done in a nice way.  Buy her a new dress.

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Posts: 102
Registered: ‎07-22-2015

Re: O/T: Is it OK to tell a loved one about their VERY unflattering, repeatedly-worn outfit?

I would not comment on how your daughter looks in the dress, UNLESS she specifically asks for your opinion. And I would not make her dress "disappear!" She is an ADULT!!.

 

This is coming from a person, to this day, is still critiqued by my mother (and I am in my-mid-thirties!!). My mother constantly makes unsolicited comments about my clothing, my weight (I am a size 8), how I need to do "sit-ups," and comments like, "don't you wish you were the same size you were in high school?"

 

I already have body image issues and the comments don't help. OP, by the way, I am not implying that you are trying to make hurtful comments like the ones my mother makes.

 

I am just trying to give a different perspective on this topic - that maybe you should not give your opinion unless asked.