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Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,450
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: O/T: Is it OK to tell a loved one about their VERY unflattering, repeatedly-worn outfit?

Leave her alone.  At that age, tastes change quickly for women ( men are a whole other topic).  Unless she lives where sundresses are worn year-round, it'll soon be exchanged for something warmer.  Hopefully, the dress won't seem appealing to her next summer, & maybe it'll get donated.  My mother was extremely critical about everything, so comments about my clothing fell on deaf ears.  Besides, we all have to find our own style & sometimes that means bad choices.  Believe me, there are some photos of me in my teens & twenties that make me shake my head & wonder what I was thinking in terms of clothes &/or hair.  

Honored Contributor
Posts: 21,733
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: O/T: Is it OK to tell a loved one about their VERY unflattering, repeatedly-worn outfit?

I think your venting here is perfectlly appropriate. And that's where I think it should stay. There is no "gentle" way of telling her how she looks in that dress. There just isn't.

 

This too shall pass.


~Who in the world am I? Ah, that's the great puzzle~ Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland
Honored Contributor
Posts: 34,680
Registered: ‎08-23-2010

Re: O/T: Is it OK to tell a loved one about their VERY unflattering, repeatedly-worn outfit?

OP. do you have a good relationship with your daughter?   Does she ask you for feedback?   

Do you live in a warm climate where the dress is worn year 'round?

 

If this dress is about to be out of season, wait a few weeks and do it  like a very caring friend would:

 

TELL  THE  TRUTH  WITH  COMPASSION.    Heart

 

 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 28,307
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: O/T: Is it OK to tell a loved one about their VERY unflattering, repeatedly-worn outfit?

Sounds like she is embarrassing her mom.  She has gained weight and looks pregnant.  She is 20 years old, and I assume she has mirrors? Therefore she has to be aware of how she looks.  Telling her isn't going to help anything.

Trusted Contributor
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Registered: ‎06-08-2012

Re: O/T: Is it OK to tell a loved one about their VERY unflattering, repeatedly-worn outfit?

If you choose your words carefully, you can let your daughter know how unflattering the dress looks on her; or better yet, stand her in front of a, full length, mirror so she can see what everyone else sees.

☀️...And I think to myself what a Wenderful world.☀️
Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,627
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: O/T: Is it OK to tell a loved one about their VERY unflattering, repeatedly-worn outfit?

[ Edited ]

Ok...I'm going to answer this from a totally emotional point of view.  As someone who grew up with a narcissistic mother, who picked me apart endlessly, and is responsible for my low self worth, even at 57, I say don't say a word.

 

Now, from a rational point of view, if you have a good relationship with her, I might mention that it's looking a little worn.  And, invite her to a nice lunch and day of shopping, to pick out something new for the upcoming holidays.

 

OR..."accidentally" put a little bleach into the washer.  I have actually used bleach on whites and sometimes a little "hides" in the washer, and I've had perfectly good clothing ruined.  So, it's possible......

"I've been here since October 2006. Wow!"
Valued Contributor
Posts: 802
Registered: ‎04-10-2010

Re: O/T: Is it OK to tell a loved one about their VERY unflattering, repeatedly-worn outfit?

[ Edited ]

 

My thought on this would be the following:

 

 - If it is a matter of weight or weight gain, do you know specifically how she feels about that?  Likely, if she did put weight on, she may not feel good about that and that particular outfit is what makes her feel ok. Or, perhaps other outfits don't feel like they fit.  So, her choice is then to go with that dress.  

 

I would be careful of criticizing the outfit for many of the reasons people already mentioned.  My guess is that, at age 20, she is self-aware about this.  Usually hyper self-aware (natural at young ages).  There are perhaps reasons that she goes to that dress repeatedly.  By criticizing it, you risk making her feel more self-conscious about it and also make her feel "pressured" to wear things she doesn't feel comfortable in.  I'd just focus on other things entirely and emphasize feeling good about yourself in general and how much she is loved and valued for things OTHER than what she wears. 

 

Hope this in some way helps!

Valued Contributor
Posts: 539
Registered: ‎06-04-2010

Re: O/T: Is it OK to tell a loved one about their VERY unflattering, repeatedly-worn outfit?

 

When my niece was in her early 20's, she had a similar dress. It looked absolutely, positively horrendous. I wanted to say something so bad, but didn't. Pretty soon, she forgot all about the dress.

For Christmas, maybe you could buy your daughter a book about how to choose the clothes that look best on her body type. I'm sure there are some out there. I was in retail for many years, and nobody looks good in everything (as most of us already know). It's about choosing the items that flatter us most. She may be wearing the dress because a friend complimented her on it, or because it is comfortable. At any rate, you know your daughter best, but just remember words are like toothpaste.

Best wishes!

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,577
Registered: ‎03-26-2010

Re: O/T: Is it OK to tell a loved one about their VERY unflattering, repeatedly-worn outfit?

My vote would be to let it go.  My mother said many hurtful things about my appearance that made me self conscious to this day...40 years later!

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Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: O/T: Is it OK to tell a loved one about their VERY unflattering, repeatedly-worn outfit?


@sailor moon wrote:

If you choose your words carefully, you can let your daughter know how unflattering the dress looks on her; or better yet, stand her in front of a, full length, mirror so she can see what everyone else sees.


That sounds like something a Mommie Dearest would do.


~Who in the world am I? Ah, that's the great puzzle~ Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland