I am pretty surprised at how many think adoption is a bad option. The most unselfish thing any adult can do is to give a child the best life it can possibly have, and if they cannot provide anything but chaos, multiple caretakers, instability, and the child being totally confused over "what is wrong with my Mom and Dad that they don't care for me" (which would start at about age 6), it is an incredibly UN-selfish move to put the child with a set of loving parents who are longing for a child and cannot conceive.
There is such a thing as an open adoption, allowing for the child to have visits with grandparents and family. There is also the option of temporary or permanent "guardianship". That means the parental rights are suspended and the child is placed with a guardian (who does not have to be related). Guardianship's can also be open, allowing for family to continue contact.
"keeping the child in the family at all costs" seems rather shortsighted. If there is a way to give a child a wonderful loving family to grow up with, that seems to be what is in the best interest of the child. There are so many options nowadays, giving a child up for adoption does not mean "never see it again". Sometimes it does, if that is what the bio parents want. Some parents know they cannot provide and relinquish all contact. But there are thousands of "open adoptions" now.
When the child is about 7 or 8, or begins to ask questions, the truth is what is told to them. Not that they were not wanted, but their parents wanted the very best of for them and knew they could not provide it. That they are the lucky child who had MANY people who loved them, and 'so and so' is the one who they will live with. They understand so much at young ages. It does not need to be traumatic. The older the child gets, the harder it is to disrupt them.
This child is 16 months old. She would adjust very quickly to a loving family. She doesn't have any long term memory yet. Long term memory does not develop until age 6. So, if it were in the CHILD's best interest, NOW would be the time to stabilize her.
There is so much love out in this big world, so many parents who long for a child.
I think the brother probably cares that he has a daughter, but his priority is to have his mother do the work of raising him/her. That is what is so wrong here. I have to wonder if other options were presented to him, such as placing the child under a guardianship with visitation allowed, or whatever options you get information about, he might just be relieved to do something. Because clearly, if he was head over heels in love with this child, he would NOT be using his mother like he is, AND his priority to get a job to provide her a good life would be moved up to number 1. Neither of which I hear OP saying.
There was just a couple on the news in my area that took care of and raised 92 children over the course of 25+ years, children at risk. EVERY single child came back as a surprise, and every one of them cried and said how much of a difference this "Mom and Dad" made in their life, and how thankful they were. It was a tearjerker story, but so inspiring.
So their is hope for this child. Will it take work to find the right avenue? You betcha. But every child deserves someone to speak for them until their lives are right.
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