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Super Contributor
Posts: 338
Registered: ‎08-18-2010

Re: I'm in a personal rut- any advice ?

Know that there are lots of people who feel the way you do. Not everyone is brave enough to say it but just putting it out there is a huge step forward to making changes.

My suggestion is to just identify one thing you'd like to change. Make a teeny-tiny 1% change in this area and be proud of your success. Keep taking baby steps forward with changes and you will see a positive difference. Start very small and build up your confidence.

Wishing you all the best!

Super Contributor
Posts: 408
Registered: ‎05-01-2010

Re: I'm in a personal rut- any advice ?

I get in those ruts myself. Getting your hair done is a nice start. May spark other things.

Walking is also the best. Don't set high goals, just take it day by day. I try to do 30 minutes of an activity 6 days a week. I tell myself only 30 minutes but sometimes I can keep going. I don't dread it as much if it is only half an hour. But once you start you want to do more. If not, at least you did something.

Activities may include: walking outside with my music, treadmill, a 20 minute excercise video, walking my dog, a zumba class, just dancing for 30 minutes, and swimming ( I have a pool). Just start moving!

I take Sundays off.

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,490
Registered: ‎10-21-2010

Re: I'm in a personal rut- any advice ?

On 1/6/2014 Ms X said:

Lyn: What are your interests? Are there any clubs you'd like to join? What kinds of activities did you enjoy before you took up the demanding job of mother?

Try to remember that old Chinese saying that the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step (or something like that). Start out small, such as walking in front of the television or when spring comes (if you live in a cold climate) taking a walk outside. That will definitely lift your mood. You could also join a gym. Is there a local women's group or group for mothers?

Let us know how you are doing. Most of all, count your blessings, which it sounds like you are already doing. Best of luck.

P.S.: Although mothers do have "empty nest syndrome," that is often followed by grandchildren and baby-sitting and a nest that isn't quite so empty anymore.

This is very true.The part time job my mom took when my sister was 8 is the same job she quit to babysit her first grandchild. The house is never empty anymore as they only live 10 minutes away and one of them is always calling and wanting to come over.Its the best.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,602
Registered: ‎04-11-2010

Re: I'm in a personal rut- any advice ?

Take care of yourself. Go for a walk. Dress a little nicer. Accessorize more. Wear perfume. Take a walk and meditate and count your blessings. Try a new (brighter, darker, lighter?) lipstick. All of these things give you a little oomph. Do them all, and it should put some pep in your step. But, if you find yourself with time on your hands as your children get older, I think volunteering is the BEST thing you can do. When I volunteer, I can assure you -- I get more out of it than the recipient. It makes me feel good for days, if not weeks. Nurture your inner self. Good luck!
Regular Contributor
Posts: 228
Registered: ‎03-19-2010

Re: I'm in a personal rut- any advice ?

Thank you all so much- honestly I am sitting here with tears in my eyes - realizing that you all took the time to respond. I am blessed with my children- my husband- our collective good health. I do get scared when I think about empty nest- my kids are my life- and I really do need to do something for me in terms of volunteering or finding a job outside of the home. Many of you are right - I am scared to take those first steps- to look for a new me? But thank you all so much for your advice!
Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 6,490
Registered: ‎10-21-2010

Re: I'm in a personal rut- any advice ?

On 1/6/2014 lynbeechwood said: Thank you all so much- honestly I am sitting here with tears in my eyes - realizing that you all took the time to respond. I am blessed with my children- my husband- our collective good health. I do get scared when I think about empty nest- my kids are my life- and I really do need to do something for me in terms of volunteering or finding a job outside of the home. Many of you are right - I am scared to take those first steps- to look for a new me? But thank you all so much for your advice!

One of the biggest changes came in my parents relationship. My mom was always so busy with us girls that my dad didnt worry to much about calling if he was going to be late from work ect. Now he is always in tune with her needs. They even go on lunch dates on thursdays. My sister is going to be working from home so she wont have the grand kids ever day. She loves bring a homemaker and was so glad she had an excuse to quit her part time job 5 years ago when the first grand baby was born.Just be who you are. You dont have to invent a new you.

Super Contributor
Posts: 2,007
Registered: ‎04-05-2010

Re: I'm in a personal rut- any advice ?

On 1/6/2014 lynbeechwood said: Thank you all so much- honestly I am sitting here with tears in my eyes - realizing that you all took the time to respond. I am blessed with my children- my husband- our collective good health. I do get scared when I think about empty nest- my kids are my life- and I really do need to do something for me in terms of volunteering or finding a job outside of the home. Many of you are right - I am scared to take those first steps- to look for a new me? But thank you all so much for your advice!


Maybe it won't be so scary to think of looking for the you that's still inside instead of thinking you have to be a ""new"" you.

Super Contributor
Posts: 431
Registered: ‎07-19-2013

Re: I'm in a personal rut- any advice ?

Please don't feel you have to find ""a fix"" right away. Self discovery takes time. See it as an experiment. Today I'll try this with my hair. Today I'll go to a yoga class. Today I'll paint my own toes. Today I'll see if someone can teach me to ___. The worst that can happen is you decide you didn't like whatever it was and you'll try something else next time. You could find something you really like!

Honored Contributor
Posts: 17,892
Registered: ‎07-03-2013

Re: I'm in a personal rut- any advice ?

I'd work on the outside first. Change of hair style and possibly color. Then a new outfit, maybe jeans and a shirt in a color I never wear. Once you get feeling good about the look, get an activity of some kind. Join a gym, take a ceramic class, walk the mall, etc., whatever interests you. Just takes a couple changes to get it going.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 21,733
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: I'm in a personal rut- any advice ?

On 1/6/2014 lynbeechwood said: Thank you all so much- honestly I am sitting here with tears in my eyes - realizing that you all took the time to respond. I am blessed with my children- my husband- our collective good health. I do get scared when I think about empty nest- my kids are my life- and I really do need to do something for me in terms of volunteering or finding a job outside of the home. Many of you are right - I am scared to take those first steps- to look for a new me? But thank you all so much for your advice!

I so understand that feeling. Take small steps in whichever direction you choose, be it volunteer or employment. I have a feeling that once you get past the totally understandable fear, you will enjoy the next chapter in your life. I know I did.


~Who in the world am I? Ah, that's the great puzzle~ Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland