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Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 5,353
Registered: ‎07-17-2010

Re: I am a size 4 or 6 maybe 8 . Mom calls me fat

This book is also very helpful...



"Heartburn Can Cause Cancer" -- www.ecan.org
Frequent Contributor
Posts: 108
Registered: ‎07-17-2012

Re: I am a size 4 or 6 maybe 8 . Mom calls me fat

I am so sorry... I'm walking there, right beside you. It was my grandmother who was verbally abusive to my mom, and my father who was verbally and physically abusive to me. I've been in counseling for twenty years, TWENTY YEARS! Unfortunately, I was not able to forgive my father until right before he died, two years ago. The undertones, the cutting remarks, have lasted a lifetime with my mother. Grandma died in 2001, and mom is still going on with the negative self-talk. Grandma was big my whole life until she developed altzheimers, and became a very petite lady before she died. Mom snuck food and binged as a teen, she did it as an adult, because The Voice became dad's voice when she got married. She never told me not to eat something, because she knew my struggle, and she has actually binged with me through the years, when no one else was around, because there would be no one to judge us.

A therapist told me a few years back to get the book "Women, Food, and God" by Geneen Roth. I tried reading it then, and couldn't do it. It's taken almost a month, but, I'm finally getting through it. She gets into compulsive eating habits, permitting, restricting, the voices in our heads.... and being free from them. I've bookmarked many, many passages that pertain to me. "My version of The Voice has the same inflections, the same sarcasm, the same singsongy way of putting me down as my mother did...like my mother's screaming at me did, my father's quiet measured statements left me feeling cut down, defeated, incapable..if a child is valued for her accomplishments, she will learn to value what she does more than who she is - and The Voice will step in when she is not fulfilling its accomplishment...and The Voice will step in a cynicism and doubt when you veer into the world beyond appearances. The Voice saps you of strength, cuts you off at the knees, and positions you in a world modeled on past authority figures who bark directions that are often cruel and almost always irrelevant to who you are and what you love...The moment you stop believing The Voice, the moment you hear the "YOU ARE THE WORST PERSON IN THE WORLD, YOU ARE FAT" you say, so, what else is new, really?..... Freedom is hearing The Voice ramble and posture and lecture and not believing a word of it.

I am not you, but, I'm walking beside you, learning that The Voice is dead, it is stupid, it has no power over me to tell me that I'm fat, I'm ugly, I'm no good. I am replacing that ugliness with love for myself, something that I've never experienced in my whole life. I am no longer defined by the number on the scale each morning. I have actually felt hunger. I was never hungry before, because I ate to numb The Voice. And the guilt that The Voice caused, it caused very real, very physical pain, because I was so afraid of being fat after bingeing that I made myself vomit or use laxatives. Years of abuse, because The Voice told me I wasn't good enough.

I don't know if mom will read this book (i actually doubt she will), but, I give her statements of affirmation at every chance. I hear her self-talk "Pat, move your fat body", "Pat, look at that blubber hanging over your belt", "okay stupid, try again", and then, I remind her that her mother is no longer here, and that nagging voice that is telling her she is no good, is dead.

Super Contributor
Posts: 952
Registered: ‎07-05-2012

Re: I am a size 4 or 6 maybe 8 . Mom calls me fat

On 2/2/2014 diamoniqueworksfor me said: Dealt with health issues for the past 18 years, have been pregnant,am a mother, wife, and with all and all have somehow managed to not gained as much weight as could have . But, my mom is abusive and uses my lack of fitness to call me fat . No, I would not want pity but if she had only walked a day in my shoes maybe she would understand what is like to be me . Sometimes when I make a phone call is only to say hi but it leaves me feeling sad , less than ; like my body has let the whole world down by existing and not being fit, beautiful, desired by others, envied. Lately the meds I take are helping but my brain feel in a fog - The sad true is that even if my jeans were size o oo ooo my mom would see me as fat . She, is not calling me fat - is deeper than that . My self is disgusting and ugly to her . Representing all that she hates is me . A child knows, a teen knows, a woman knows and as an old lady my heart will know .


Unfortunately, I know just what you mean. I'm so sorry your mother is so mean and cruel to you. Someday you're going to have to decide if it's time to cut the cord with her. I waited till I was 48 to finally get her out of my life and cut off all contact with her. I was left wondering, why didn't I do this sooner????

Best of luck to you, and you have my sympathy.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,656
Registered: ‎03-13-2010

Re: I am a size 4 or 6 maybe 8 . Mom calls me fat

On 2/2/2014 ElvisShops said:

If your mother is verbally abusive and makes you feel bad, tell her. If she makes no changes and continues to drag you down, keep her involvement in your life as minimal as possible. Life is too short to spend with people who cause you pain. Stick with those who lift you up. Good luck.

This is very good advice.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 11,153
Registered: ‎05-22-2012

Re: I am a size 4 or 6 maybe 8 . Mom calls me fat

Your mom is cruel and you need to make some tough decisions about negative influences in your life. Oprah had a show about a woman who actually was overweight and how her own father was unhappy about it and would criticize her for it. That woman had gastric bypass surgery and lost weight, but now she also can't have children - all to win her dad's affection.

I can't even imagine how terribly hurtful it must be to hear that from your mother. I think you need to let her know that and, if she doesn't stop, make some decisions about how much you let her into your life of if you let her in at all.

Here's the story about the woman who was on Oprah.

Regular Contributor
Posts: 212
Registered: ‎03-10-2010

Re: I am a size 4 or 6 maybe 8 . Mom calls me fat

I understood that you have a child of your own? If she was berating and humiliating your child what would you do? I hope you can take the same approach when she berates you. Fight like a lioness to ensure she respects you.
Super Contributor
Posts: 1,874
Registered: ‎12-26-2013

Re: I am a size 4 or 6 maybe 8 . Mom calls me fat

I had seriously hoped that this thread had dropped off the page to page 2 or 3. The OP has not returned to the thread. I think her problems are best dealt with by her psychiatrist or doctor or counselor. She has referred to "her meds".

If someone needs advice about skincare, I believe it's appropriate to come to this forum. However we are not trained mental health caretakers. I believe we are doing this OP a disservice by trying to offer psychiatric advice for which we are not trained.

Super Contributor
Posts: 1,951
Registered: ‎02-05-2014

Re: I am a size 4 or 6 maybe 8 . Mom calls me fat

On 2/2/2014 Brinklii said:
On 2/2/2014 rhinovodka said:

You can't change people, but you can change how you react to them. Maybe this is a bit extreme but I cut my mother out of my life years ago. I couldn't deal with her negative energy.

I can understand what you're saying. My mother is negative 24/7...except to people outside the family. They think she is just a lovely person with a wonderful personality. Isn't that a joke? It is hard being around negativity all the time. When I point it out to my mother, she says, "Oh, no...I'm a very positive person." LOL...she can't see it!

I have a mother like that as well. Now I am her caregiver and she sure makes sure that I do just that. She is a diabetic and knows how she feels but she will let her sugar slip so low that my kids (teens) and I just about have heart failure bringing it back up. It brings her all the extra attention she craves. As for weight, she was overweight so she put me on a diet at age 6. I was a chubby kid but may have grown out of it if I had been given a chance. Instead I have spent years on diets and became a sneak eater. I am a type II diabetic now. My son was chubby and I just encouraged him to walk and ride his bike. He loved his carbs but I never said no or put him on a diet instead I encouraged one serving of chips and not a whole bag. He is now an average weight teen who likes to walk.

Super Contributor
Posts: 323
Registered: ‎03-20-2010

Re: I am a size 4 or 6 maybe 8 . Mom calls me fat

I'm so sorry about your mothers verbal abuse. My mother was physically and verbally abusive. Everyday she told me how ugly and stupid I was. She had a stroke in her early 60's and my husband and I had to help her out b/c she was paralyzed on her left side and was in a wheelchair. She learned how to walk with a walker, but decided she wanted us to do everything for her and so was in a wheelchair after that. I have one brother who is a retired MD who hadn't spoken to mom in years and my other brother was deceased by then. Mom, had to have 24/7 care and hired women to live in and help her. She was so nasty to the help and either fired them or they quit. Then she called us to come over there til she found someone else. I can't believe I didn't lose my mind. She died at 71 after vascular surgery and would have had surgery to amputate one of her legs the next morning. My father ignored me most of my life. My parents got divorced when I was 12 and I resent that my father left me at mom's when he knows how abusive she was. I'm sorry for all of you who were/are physically and/or verbally abused by your mothers.

Frequent Contributor
Posts: 142
Registered: ‎04-10-2010

Re: I am a size 4 or 6 maybe 8 . Mom calls me fat

Didn't read closely any of the personal posts, but I'm a size 4. There is a "HUGE" difference between being a size 4 and a size 8, maybe as much as 25 pounds. I can't even wear a 6 because it's too big. I think the OP is not being honest about her singular size and probably a lot of other things...