Beauty

[Julie_B]

On 11/5/2014 Campion said:

Just so. The OP's situation is unique to her. We don't know all the sides. But a counselor sure could help her find strategies to keep her from feeling like she's drowning in a mess. I notice, however, she didn't pick up on that suggestion but continued on the outpouring of woe. Now, we all like to complain and let off steam, and it's also true women are more likely to want to talk about something than fix something but even so, this is a mess and I hope she gets help. No matter who is at fault. It needs some outside assistance. Too messy for the kids.

On the contrary...I did pick up on that. I have a great head on my shoulders and I am not on an "oh woe is me" kick as you say. this is not me being a woman who wants to just talk about it and not do anything. I did do something...I left a "relationship" where I was a doormat and not appreciated or valued. I brought my children to a better situation at home. I think no matter what we all go through, it is easy to think that we are the only ones going through something like this, but in reading others stories such as these, it makes you realize you are not the only one.

I also think it is important, as women, to be able to share ideas and feelings and situations in order to not feel alone sometimes. I also think it is important to reiterate that my children are always first and they are well adjusted and smart and doing great. I never put them in a situation where they have to deal with things that are too mature for them.

Words of encouragement mean so much, especially when things get hard. We all have good and bad days, and today just happened to have been a bad one for me. My lovely kids...I cannot even begin to tell y'all how loving and beautiful they are. They keep me going every day and make me so happy. My son gave me a balloon today and he wrote "I <3 you mom" on it. lol

There really isn't a point in talking to any of them anymore about it, I don't think. I have told the ex, I have told my mother, I have told my brother...they just don't seem to care, which is sad. They see nothing wrong with it.

Perhaps I will write all of this into a novel one day as everything unfolds. I am a person who believes that there is a reason for everything and we are not given more than we can handle. At the end of the day, I'm sure I'll be surprised and realize that I'm much stronger than I ever thought I was.

[KarenQVC]

After what I have read, I wonder if your husband is a good ol' party boy, who gets his kicks using people like your family. Then there is all the alcohol consumption. He may want sympathy if he intends to push back on the divorce $ arrangement. But stay strong, OP, and think of yourself and the children and your needs. That is all that will matter 10 years from now.

[emmysmom]

Julie, my heart goes out to you and I speak from experience. What you need is encouragement ,NOT judgement! I went to a women's shelter for counseling..I saw women that had been abused, emotionally, physically and financially. Until you walk in someone's shoes, you have no idea of the pain they're going through. I hope you can get some good counsel and support.

[momma3gs]

On 11/5/2014 RJL-DLL 75 said:

Julie_B

Sorry you are going through such a difficult time.

If you have come to the beauty banter forum for understanding, caring and support....sorry to say you have come to the wrong place. Unfortunately there are people here that are extremely critical, judgmental and just plain mean.

I agree. I only read the first page of posts and was surprised at the critical tone from some posters. Julie_B, you have every reason to feel hurt. There may be two sides to every story as someone pointed out, but the bottom line is YOUR family should be very supportive of you during this difficult time. If they choose to be civil with your soon-to-be ex, that's fine .... but to have him visit their homes and exclude you from parties when he's a guest must be very painful. Speaking for myself, I would be very hurt and bewildered. Blood is thicker than water, after all and you are the sister/daughter. I'm glad your dad and uncle are supportive, anyway. Stay strong. You'll get through this. Your family sound like jerks to me.

[NC Bandwagon]

On 11/5/2014 Julie_B said:

Sorry to post this on here, but I don't have many people to talk to about this and I was thinking that maybe hearing honest opinions will help me at all.

Long story short...after 15 years I'm going through a divorce. I was cheated on, among other things, have 2 kids, and its difficult.

Here's my problem...my family is completely catering and helping him. That's the hard part. He lives 3.5 hours away, my mother lets him stay at her house while he has his parenting time, my brother and his family came to town this past weekend and they all had a party. My son was telling me about it and told me that I was the only one not there.

...all this hurts. My sister and her husband are on his side too. They all talk about me and I know this because they say things to me that aren't true (they know nothing about what I do, btw and I don't say anything or give any info if they are around). I guess all this just makes everything else that much harder for me. (I should add that I do have my dad and my uncle on my side...thank goodness for them)

My ex husband has a great job and makes a lot of money (he would not have even graduated from high school if it wasn't for me and I moved around the continent to follow him and help his career). For the past two years, I have been taking care of the kids and apparently that doesn't mean anything to anyone. People stop me to tell me how polite they are, they are both on the honor roll...that stuff just doesn't happen. It's hard work.

Anyway, y'all are always so good about providing advice or encouragement or just honest opinions in general. It's really hard for me dealing with all of this and I don't know if I am wrong...I don't know. I am just a bit lost at the moment.

Thank you so much for reading. I really appreciate y'all.

Hello, Julie_B.

First off, I am so very, very, very sorry that this is happening to you. It was rather mean of him to do this to you so close to the holidays and I think it's mean of the family to try to alienate you like this.

Divorce is hard and miserable, and I'm a little surprised that the family is not trying to help or support you. (to any who think I'm being judgmental to the husband/father in all this, I'm not. But it would've been better for the family to try to make sure to not take one side over the other. And considering this guy cheated on his wife, I'm even more surprised that he's not getting chewed out even a little for it. I mean, hello! This is the mother of your kids and wife. At least try to be a little nice to her)

Sorry for ranting there. But to Julie_B, I don't know if this is a good idea, but maybe try talking to them about all this and how you feel. If they continue to take one side over the other and do that, "making mommy out to be the bad guy and daddy's the nice one" thing, at least you'll know where they stand.

Take care of yourself and try to have a happy holiday. Blessings to you and your children.

In the future, you might want to post in the Among Friends sub-forum on the QVC forum. People elsewhere on the forum are a little.....................okay, I can't find a nice enough word to say this because people may proceed to get offended and then your thread might get erased. Take care of yourself.

[celeste27]

On 11/5/2014 Mayfayre said

Have you sat down with all of your family at one time and discussed with them your perception that they like him better than you? Just looking at that sentence that I typed makes me wonder why you care so much if they do? If they do, just accept it. You're all adults, not children; who likes whom better is immaterial and juvenile. Deal with it and move on.

Are you serious? Have you ever been part of a family? This is not a matter of some schoolgirls arguing about who is who's best friend! The very idea that my mother would pick my ex-husband as her bestie or that I would pick my ex-daughter-in-law as my bestie is outrageous!! We may still love the exes and remain in contact with them but NEVER to the point of causing big pain to the family member!

[Theoriginallacey]

On 11/5/2014 maddiecat said:

I love my family, but they live far away and we don't see each other often. I have found it very helpful (as a single woman) to have a great group of friends surrounding me. They know me well and are very much like family to me.

Please lean on your friends at this difficult time. You'd be amazed at how much they care and want to help. Put your energy into your kids, your career, and fostering supportive friendships. Create a rich and fulfilling life for yourself so that you don't depend on your family so much. They have obviously disappointed you time and time again.

Good advice maddiecat. We don't choose out family, but we certainly do choose our extended family of friends.

[HonnyBrown]

On 11/5/2014 Julie_B said:

Yes, there are two sides indeed. I have never cheated. I have never stayed out all night without as much as a phone call. I always rushed home from work to spend time with the kids. I never went to NYE parties myself with my friends to get drunk while leaving he and the kids at home. I never made up excuses to not come home. I never gave alcohol to either of my kids. These are all things he has done and has admitted to and this is only a small sampling of things. In my mind, family is family and you should support them no matter what. End of story. Friends come and go but your family should be there.

I do not claim to be perfect, but I have always put my kids and family first.

Julie_B, what does he say about you?

And not that you should want your family to take sides, but why are they putting him before you, to the point where your Mom lied to you?

[Katluvr58]

I was in the same boat after 17 years of marriage and pretty much for the same reasons. My ex spread some horrible stories about me. His family was behind me till he did that and now most will barely even talk to me. Divorce is difficult and many times family members feel that they have to take a side. Worry about yourself and your children the rest will work out over time. After 8 years my family barely remembers what even happened between us and my ex and I are friends for the kids sake. Most of his family still will not talk to me but that is ok. The ones who do I cherish. Hang in there, it will get better.

[monet]

Julie

I'm sorry for what you are going through. I know it is a tough situation and the holidays will make it worse. It's sad when the family is neutral when it comes to dealing with their child but I have seem it and it is had and hurts ( a hurt that doesn't go away).

You need to decide what you want and need for yourself and the children. Announce to your family how you feel. The problem is that it could put you out in the pasture, standing alone.

Stay strong and believe in yourself!