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Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,653
Registered: ‎07-07-2012

Re: Destination Weddings- new level of crass

On 7/13/2014 DREAMON said:

We were invited to a destination wedding in 2012. I did respond that we could not attend and included a generous gift (check). I am still waiting for the Thank You......

Now that really would bug me!

KJPA
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Re: Destination Weddings- new level of crass

On 7/13/2014 expatgal said:
On 7/13/2014 KJPA said:
On 7/13/2014 expatgal said:

Well, this is an extremely unpopular opinion, but the whole "wedding business" has got totally and completely out of hand. In today's economic climate, most younger people getting married need the thousands of dollars they are spending on a wedding for SO many other necessities when starting out. I just wish the idea of having a dream wedding that so many younger ladies have today would go out the window. Princess for a day? Puleez! Try using that money for a downpayment on a home, paying off college loans, getting a newer car, saving for a baby, paying off credit card debt, etc., etc., etc. The cold hard fact is so many of these couples are going to end in divorce and all that money is down the tubes, and the dream along with it. Why not have a small, elegant wedding that is private and only invite immediate family members and the groom and bride's best friend to attend? Why does it have to be this big expensive ordeal????

Agreed but I want to reiterate that in my kids' case they are totally self supportive and all loans paid off. Other than a small mortgage. They paid for most of their own college as well. But I do think they are in the minority. I just don't want anyone to think that even though the sad financial outlook is common, it's not true for all twenty-somethings!

Sorry, but unless they both are pulling down truly large salaries, those funds could be used for IRAs, investments, so many other worthwhile things that will pay off for both of them in the long run. The outlook may not be "sad" for young folks starting out now, but there is not the level of job security there once was plus the cost of health/dental insurance, just basic cost of living increasing, etc. to think about. Sorry, I just never see true justification for spending a lot on weddings. Never have, never will.

I haven't read closely the posts leading up to this, but will say with that mindset (save as much as you can), how can one ever enjoy a vacation or an expensive night out or any kinds of frivolous entertainment? That kind of thinking would make someone shop only at thrift stores for their necessities.

You can say "budget for those things," but how could you budget when in the back of your mind you're thinking you should save the money for retirement?

I'll agree, some weddings are over the top. We all know them when we see them. I saw one recently that was very, very much "under" the top. And it really was kind of sad. Not suggesting anyone should go in debt; but if you know you're getting married, start saving for it.

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Re: Destination Weddings- new level of crass

Weddings and funerals bring out the worst in some people. If I got married again, I would have a destination wedding but I would not invite anyone - heck I would be tempted not to tell anyone! ( I did not take time off for a honeymoon when I got married, so a honeymoon the second time around would be a priority.)

Respected Contributor
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Registered: ‎05-13-2010

Re: Destination Weddings- new level of crass

Re: getting married while preggers: I like to see families celebrate the future birth, instead of a too-late wedding. Put all the energy toward a shower, birth announcement, etc. More realistic.

Trusted Contributor
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Registered: ‎07-07-2012

Re: Destination Weddings- new level of crass

Right, I know people who take out loans for weddings. I think that's crazy. Some parents even do that. I think people should live within their means. But that's my opinion and nobody has to follow it. Smiley Wink But our attitude is probably why our son was so excited to get a cash contribution from us. He knew we would give them a nice amount but he didn't expect as much as we gave. We raised them to support themselves and this truly was a gift, not a requirement he "expected." And yes, we are very proud of our kids. They worked hard to get where they are.

ETA - We worked hard to get them to that point too. We weren't always popular with our kids but they are already more appreciative of their upbringing than most of their friends!

KJPA
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Re: Destination Weddings- new level of crass

If someone wants a destination wedding-- go for it. But, don't look for a gift from me. It seems like greed is the name of the game for many young people.

Frequent Contributor
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Registered: ‎10-29-2012

Re: Destination Weddings- new level of crass

I always thought that destination wedding meant leaving the US. My niece had a destination wedding in the island she was born. We knew about this at least a year and six months before. Those who worked took their vacations then and I was so shocked to see most of her college friends who had never been to the island, made it and had a fantastic time. I certainly see nothing wrong with destination weddings as long as it is planned way in advance.

Respected Contributor
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Re: Destination Weddings- new level of crass

On 7/13/2014 KJPA said:
On 7/12/2014 NC Bandwagon said:
On 7/12/2014 Abrowneyegirl said:

Just when I think I heard it all..............

I have heard the same story twice in the last month-

I know of 2 young(ish) brides-to-be who are both planning destination weddings when I asked them about how many guests they expect or hope for they say none!

The wedding packages on these islands are cheap when you select packages for less than 20-25 guests (the one has a package for 12 or less guests). Then you pay for actual RSVP's.

But they are both sending out HUNDREDS of invites.

The game plan is, invited guests are expected to send gifts or cash (since they were invited a gift is expected) and NOT to come to the wedding as this will cause expense to the couple.

I have been told by MANY people that it is now a common practice. {#emotions_dlg.ohmy}

The expense and convenience of an elopement with the benefits of wedding gifts and cash. Apparently the wedding invite=gifts loop-hole has been exploited.

I am appalled by this greed!

Talk about a 'gift-grab' {#emotions_dlg.sneaky}

The part that I bolded and underlined........isn't that kind of mean? "DON'T come to the wedding, even though they're invited, but DO send money so as to cut down on expense for the bride and groom?" That's kind of mean to do that to guests and family members that were invited and wanted to see the couple get married. Yes, gifts and cash are nice wedding presents, but......inviting guests and family, then telling them to not show up, but do send a gift?

I think there is a misunderstanding here. The couple doesn't invite people and then tell them not to come. I think they invite them but realize many will not come due to time and cost. To disinvite guests would be really rude.

Sorry for misunderstanding.

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Honored Contributor
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Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: Destination Weddings- new level of crass

Honestly if I were getting married in today's world - the expense of everything plus the extreme high expectations weddings guests seem to have - I would elope. We had a tiny wedding because we chose to spend our savings on a house instead. And we actually did get some flack for not having a huge affair. Actually, about 2 years ago I ran into someone I haven't seen for many years and I said - What a shame we never seem to get together and she answered that since she wasn't invited to my wedding she did not consider me a real friend anymore. Sheesh - my wedding was 31 years ago! And we only had immediate family - including the priest and us the wedding party was for only 14 people. I just don't need or want anyone that shallow in my life.

Honored Contributor
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Re: Destination Weddings- new level of crass

My neighbor owns an upscale florist shop.

She says that she gets many requests for flowers that end up costing $50,000 OR MORE.

She had two brides this weekend who wanted peonies in their bouquets. Peonies are out of season. She had to get them from Quebec. One bride said they were TOO pink, she wanted a paler pink. In order to accommodate her, the second shipment cost $500 wholesale - JUST FOR THE PEONIES for one bouquet.