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07-13-2014 12:26 PM
Well, if this was a DELIBERATE act by the bride, you have to assume that her parents were probably okay with it! ... What does it say about the parents?
I think many people get invitations as a courtesy ... such as a distant relative or people they don't want to feel snubbed.
I have received wedding invitations from people I didn't know long -- or very well -- and take each situation as it comes.
While many might feel "compelled" to send a gift, I think that if you get such an invitation from someone you don't know well, just send a card!
07-13-2014 12:26 PM
On 7/13/2014 KJPA said:Another thought, my family, as well as many other guests, are spread all over the country. Many guests who attend our son's wedding must stay a couple of days and some must fly. All of our family must travel because the wedding is in the bride's hometown. It's sort of like a destination wedding for us
My brother already said it's too far for him! You can't please everyone! What did he think? That the bride would bring her family to us? LOL
"Back in the day" accommodations for out-of-town guests were another wedding expense. If that were the case today, many weddings would be much smaller than they are.
07-13-2014 12:31 PM
On 7/13/2014 KJPA said:There are 2 different concepts being discussed. A normal "destination wedding" where the couple wants to marry in a special place (possibly continuing with their honeymoon) is one thing...they expect and want it to be small and they only invite the small number of people they would like to have join them (understanding some won't be able to because of the inconvenience/expense). The OP is talking about something different though. Her title makes it sound like she is objecting to all destination weddings, but her post makes it clear she is not. She is talking about brides wanting it both ways...they want the small, cheaper and drama-free benefits of a destination wedding and they still want to "invite" hundreds of people *hoping they won't come*. Yes, with any wedding there is a small percentage of people you invite knowing they likely won't be able to come (but hopefully you would want them to if they could!) But if you truly only want an intimate affair with 12-20 people, why would you send out even 100 invitations, let alone double that or more? It's obviously a game since the venue won't even accommodate anywhere close to that number, should a large number of your "invited guests" decide they would like to attend your island wedding and turn it into a lovely vacation for themselvesOn 7/12/2014 NC Bandwagon said:On 7/12/2014 Abrowneyegirl said:Just when I think I heard it all..............
I have heard the same story twice in the last month-
I know of 2 young(ish) brides-to-be who are both planning destination weddings when I asked them about how many guests they expect or hope for they say none!
The wedding packages on these islands are cheap when you select packages for less than 20-25 guests (the one has a package for 12 or less guests). Then you pay for actual RSVP's.
But they are both sending out HUNDREDS of invites.
The game plan is, invited guests are expected to send gifts or cash (since they were invited a gift is expected) and NOT to come to the wedding as this will cause expense to the couple.
I have been told by MANY people that it is now a common practice.
The expense and convenience of an elopement with the benefits of wedding gifts and cash. Apparently the wedding invite=gifts loop-hole has been exploited.
I am appalled by this greed!
Talk about a 'gift-grab'
The part that I bolded and underlined........isn't that kind of mean? "DON'T come to the wedding, even though they're invited, but DO send money so as to cut down on expense for the bride and groom?" That's kind of mean to do that to guests and family members that were invited and wanted to see the couple get married. Yes, gifts and cash are nice wedding presents, but......inviting guests and family, then telling them to not show up, but do send a gift?
I think there is a misunderstanding here. The couple doesn't invite people and then tell them not to come. I think they invite them but realize many will not come due to time and cost. To disinvite guests would be really rude.
07-13-2014 12:34 PM
On 7/13/2014 esmerelda said:On 7/13/2014 KJPA said:Another thought, my family, as well as many other guests, are spread all over the country. Many guests who attend our son's wedding must stay a couple of days and some must fly. All of our family must travel because the wedding is in the bride's hometown. It's sort of like a destination wedding for us
My brother already said it's too far for him! You can't please everyone! What did he think? That the bride would bring her family to us? LOL
"Back in the day" accommodations for out-of-town guests were another wedding expense. If that were the case today, many weddings would be much smaller than they are.
Honestly never knew that. I don't think there were many big weddings in my family history And maybe people lived closer than they do today. Like John Mellencamp's "Little Pink Houses." As you say, out of town guests would definitely break the bank today!
07-13-2014 12:36 PM
I was invited to a destination wedding in Puerto Rico by a former co-worker. Would have cost me about 3K for the weekend to ""enjoy"" her happy day.
I sent a nice wedding gift and my regrets
07-13-2014 12:43 PM
On 7/13/2014 KJPA said:Yep. The attendants' attire was seen as a wedding expense too. So I'm sure you didn't see many weddings with 9+ bridesmaids in $200+ dresses eitherOn 7/13/2014 esmerelda said:On 7/13/2014 KJPA said:Another thought, my family, as well as many other guests, are spread all over the country. Many guests who attend our son's wedding must stay a couple of days and some must fly. All of our family must travel because the wedding is in the bride's hometown. It's sort of like a destination wedding for us
My brother already said it's too far for him! You can't please everyone! What did he think? That the bride would bring her family to us? LOL
"Back in the day" accommodations for out-of-town guests were another wedding expense. If that were the case today, many weddings would be much smaller than they are.Honestly never knew that. I don't think there were many big weddings in my family history
And maybe people lived closer than they do today. Like John Mellencamp's "Little Pink Houses." As you say, out of town guests would definitely break the bank today!
07-13-2014 12:45 PM
On 7/13/2014 KJPA said:On 7/13/2014 expatgal said:Well, this is an extremely unpopular opinion, but the whole "wedding business" has got totally and completely out of hand. In today's economic climate, most younger people getting married need the thousands of dollars they are spending on a wedding for SO many other necessities when starting out. I just wish the idea of having a dream wedding that so many younger ladies have today would go out the window. Princess for a day? Puleez! Try using that money for a downpayment on a home, paying off college loans, getting a newer car, saving for a baby, paying off credit card debt, etc., etc., etc. The cold hard fact is so many of these couples are going to end in divorce and all that money is down the tubes, and the dream along with it. Why not have a small, elegant wedding that is private and only invite immediate family members and the groom and bride's best friend to attend? Why does it have to be this big expensive ordeal????
Agreed but I want to reiterate that in my kids' case they are totally self supportive and all loans paid off. Other than a small mortgage. They paid for most of their own college as well. But I do think they are in the minority. I just don't want anyone to think that even though the sad financial outlook is common, it's not true for all twenty-somethings!
Sorry, but unless they both are pulling down truly large salaries, those funds could be used for IRAs, investments, so many other worthwhile things that will pay off for both of them in the long run. The outlook may not be "sad" for young folks starting out now, but there is not the level of job security there once was plus the cost of health/dental insurance, just basic cost of living increasing, etc. to think about. Sorry, I just never see true justification for spending a lot on weddings. Never have, never will.
07-13-2014 12:51 PM
On 7/13/2014 expatgal said:On 7/13/2014 KJPA said:On 7/13/2014 expatgal said:Well, this is an extremely unpopular opinion, but the whole "wedding business" has got totally and completely out of hand. In today's economic climate, most younger people getting married need the thousands of dollars they are spending on a wedding for SO many other necessities when starting out. I just wish the idea of having a dream wedding that so many younger ladies have today would go out the window. Princess for a day? Puleez! Try using that money for a downpayment on a home, paying off college loans, getting a newer car, saving for a baby, paying off credit card debt, etc., etc., etc. The cold hard fact is so many of these couples are going to end in divorce and all that money is down the tubes, and the dream along with it. Why not have a small, elegant wedding that is private and only invite immediate family members and the groom and bride's best friend to attend? Why does it have to be this big expensive ordeal????
Agreed but I want to reiterate that in my kids' case they are totally self supportive and all loans paid off. Other than a small mortgage. They paid for most of their own college as well. But I do think they are in the minority. I just don't want anyone to think that even though the sad financial outlook is common, it's not true for all twenty-somethings!
Sorry, but unless they both are pulling down truly large salaries, those funds could be used for IRAs, investments, so many other worthwhile things that will pay off for both of them in the long run. The outlook may not be "sad" for young folks starting out now, but there is not the level of job security there once was plus the cost of health/dental insurance, just basic cost of living increasing, etc. to think about. Sorry, I just never see true justification for spending a lot on weddings. Never have, never will.
You don't know my family or our circumstances so I'm not sure why you feel a need to speak directly about us? I agreed with you concerning those who can't afford the expense. Our kids can. And rest easy, their salaries and 401Ks justify their level of spending.
07-13-2014 12:58 PM
We were invited to a destination wedding in 2012. I did respond that we could not attend and included a generous gift (check). I am still waiting for the Thank You......
07-13-2014 01:00 PM
On 7/13/2014 WenGirl42 said:On 7/13/2014 KJPA said:Yep. The attendants' attire was seen as a wedding expense too. So I'm sure you didn't see many weddings with 9+ bridesmaids in $200+ dresses eitherOn 7/13/2014 esmerelda said:On 7/13/2014 KJPA said:Another thought, my family, as well as many other guests, are spread all over the country. Many guests who attend our son's wedding must stay a couple of days and some must fly. All of our family must travel because the wedding is in the bride's hometown. It's sort of like a destination wedding for us
My brother already said it's too far for him! You can't please everyone! What did he think? That the bride would bring her family to us? LOL
"Back in the day" accommodations for out-of-town guests were another wedding expense. If that were the case today, many weddings would be much smaller than they are.Honestly never knew that. I don't think there were many big weddings in my family history
And maybe people lived closer than they do today. Like John Mellencamp's "Little Pink Houses." As you say, out of town guests would definitely break the bank today!
Sad isn't it? Our daughter was in her cousin's wedding. It cost her close to $1000 by the time she figured in dress, accessories, shower, bachelorette party, gift, and travel expenses to each event. It was her first wedding attendance as an adult and I'm not sure she wants the "honor" of being asked to be an attendant again! JK but it is very expensive today for these types of events and I personally wish the trend would end. I too think the money could be used for better things but if they want to spend their own money, they are financially secure, don't go into debt, etc. it is their choice and I will celebrate with them.
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