Beauty

[KJPA]

I'm not condoning it but have you looked into the cost of a big wedding today? Our kids are now at this stage and I was stunned to discover that a common price per guest can easily be $150!!!! So if a couple goes to the wedding the bride/groom are paying possibly around $300 for their meals and adult beverages. Of course prices vary around the country and you can find less expensive ways to go, but many want the "party" of a lifetime. And there are many more expenses on top off the food, like the photographer, dress/tux, etc.

I seriously doubt the bride and groom recoup their costs via wedding gifts. I imagine most guests don't come close to gifting $150 per person. Gift if you want, go if you want. But emotionally support them as much as you can.

[Katcat1]

I would not send a gift. If they are having a destination then pay for the airfare and accommodations. It is in very, very poor taste to send out an invite knowing the people cannot to pay their own way but you expect a gift. Shame on these brides to be for doing this.

[beach-mom]

On 7/12/2014 sidsmom said:

Not sure why this topic gets people's knickers in a twist. It's really simple. At the end of the day, if that couple was special to you, you would gift them for their life experience whether you went or not....and no matter if they got married out in the parking lot or on Mars.

We just got back from DH's nephew's destination wedding Not all of the family could attend. The groom told me their plans when we were up (6 hour drive) last year, and said they were just hoping to get married there and whoever could come would. For whomever couldn't make it, they would have a local reception a few weeks later. The bride was fine getting married at home; HER MOTHER talked DH's nephew into the destination wedding.

At first I wasn't happy. They've been living together for a long time, and even have built a house together. But this guy's special to me, and I wanted to be there. My children have no cousins on my side of the family, and he and DD have been close since they were born. I wish we lived a little closer though. So we went. It wasn't easy. We even talked about sending our children only so they could be there.

After searching for flights online for over a month, one that was affordable finally showed up three weeks before we left.

We only had a few days, but we had a good time. The wedding was very simple and informal (the groom and his brothers wore shorts, as did every male attending including DH and DS), and took about 15 minutes. There were 18 of us on both sides, family and two close friends of the parents on each side.

I have a friend from school whose son got married about 10 years ago in the "islands." The bride was raised in an orphanage. It was a small wedding, and my friend paid for everyone's stay on the island - mostly his family.

One of DD's sorority sisters got married in Mexico. DD wasn't invited. The bride invited only her two roommates. They also had a "local" reception where they live. DD went to that.

Why would you not want to have your friends and family present when you take your vows? Maybe it's not that important to a lot of these kids. But then to have another reception for people who couldn't make it? I know this is the trend today.

I hope when the time comes my children decide to really think about those whose presence they would treasure at their weddings and make it easy for all of them to attend.

[Yuban3]

Unless all the guests that are invited to the wedding are local, meaning they all live in the same area as the couple, if someone has to travel, then for them, it's a "destination" wedding.

I wouldn't want people to have to go through the expen$e of travelling, so, it's just easier to do a quickie wedding, then have a get-together later.

[Tigriss]

On 7/12/2014 Yuban3 said:

Unless all the guests that are invited to the wedding are local, meaning they all live in the same area as the couple, if someone has to travel, then for them, it's a "destination" wedding.

I wouldn't want people to have to go through the expen$e of travelling, so, it's just easier to do a quickie wedding, then have a get-together later.

You are right. I've traveled 10 hours for a wedding in the mountain plus staying in a condo with other family members. There were 10 of us that shared the condo costs and cooked instead of eating out. It served as a mini vacation for us. We had fun in 4 days there in April. It was one of those small, mountain chapel wedding that was small. I did this with a friend's wedding in Alabama as well.

[beach-mom]

I don't consider a "destination wedding" to be one where the bride and the groom live far apart. When DH and I got married, his family had to travel 3 states to get to my hometown. I don't think anyone had ever heard of the term "destination wedding" back then. You just got married in your hometown. I had college friends from other states, and I traveled to get to their weddings. I was in some of them. DD has a college friend who lives on the other side of the country. She was in her wedding. The girls - and a few guys - from the east coast had to fly out. To me that wasn't a destination wedding because that's where the bride lives. The groom was from the midwest. I guess when I hear "destination wedding" I think of an exotic place far from home where the bride and groom want to get married. Whether it's the sea or the mountain area, if neither one lives there - then that is a destination wedding!

[sandy53]

I understand couples choosing a destination wedding, but not the gift grab idea. I think some couples choose to do it to get away from dysfunctional family dynamics.

[Fifi1]

On 7/12/2014 beach-mom said:

I don't consider a "destination wedding" to be one where the bride and the groom live far apart. When DH and I got married, his family had to travel 3 states to get to my hometown. I don't think anyone had ever heard of the term "destination wedding" back then. You just got married in your hometown. I had college friends from other states, and I traveled to get to their weddings. I was in some of them. DD has a college friend who lives on the other side of the country. She was in her wedding. The girls - and a few guys - from the east coast had to fly out. To me that wasn't a destination wedding because that's where the bride lives. The groom was from the midwest. I guess when I hear "destination wedding" I think of an exotic place far from home where the bride and groom want to get married. Whether it's the sea or the mountain area, if neither one lives there - then that is a destination wedding!

Exactly! we are west coast and have traveled to CO, GA, IL several times for family weddings! engagement parties, etc. Destination to me means "islands" or even "Vegas" where we have attended weddings too!

[Perkup]

DH and I had a destination wedding, and we paid all the expenses for our attendants!

Our destination was a friend's house. He is a judge. We took both our best friends (another couple who, like us, had been left widowed) in our car. We bought the gas. Took us about ten minutes to get there, another half hour for the ceremony and some chatter, and we returned the attendants to their homes before we left on our honeymoon - at our house. I wore my favorite blue dress - he wore his favorite suit.

Seven years later, we're still together and still happy. I'm pretty sure our marriage has already lasted longer than many of the multi dollar ones where they invite 500 of their closest friends, and divorce after two years. Neither of us had big weddings the first time around. I was married only a few days before my new husband went to war in Korea, and he was in the same situation before shipping out to the Pacific in WW II. His first lasted 68 years. Mine 53. We meant it when we said, "Till death us do part". (Both times!)

[ennui1]

On 7/12/2014 sandy53 said:

I understand couples choosing a destination wedding, but not the gift grab idea. I think some couples choose to do it to get away from dysfunctional family dynamics.

That's why people elope.

Now people want to elope but still get the goodies.