Beauty

[Jasminesun]

On 7/12/2014 KarenQVC said:

We all know when someone is trying to play Gotcha. Just don't play along. Send regrets, nothing more. Some brides do this because they are preggers, believe it or not. Then they can have the "casual" island dress and the presents before anyone knows.

Do you really think nowadays anyone tries to hide a pregnancy? Some have their children be flowergirls and ringbearers...when mommy and daddy get married.. others have maternity wedding dresses and yes, white ones!! Times, they are a changing and I say Hoorah!! If a couple want a "non-traditional wedding", so be it...Some get married at the bottom of a lake!

[violann]

On 7/12/2014 Perkup said:

DH and I had a destination wedding, and we paid all the expenses for our attendants!

Our destination was a friend's house. He is a judge. We took both our best friends (another couple who, like us, had been left widowed) in our car. We bought the gas. Took us about ten minutes to get there, another half hour for the ceremony and some chatter, and we returned the attendants to their homes before we left on our honeymoon - at our house. I wore my favorite blue dress - he wore his favorite suit.

Seven years later, we're still together and still happy. I'm pretty sure our marriage has already lasted longer than many of the multi dollar ones where they invite 500 of their closest friends, and divorce after two years. Neither of us had big weddings the first time around. I was married only a few days before my new husband went to war in Korea, and he was in the same situation before shipping out to the Pacific in WW II. His first lasted 68 years. Mine 53. We meant it when we said, "Till death us do part". (Both times!)

Well this one made me tear up. Major Blessings and many more to you both.

[milly1]

They actually should ask for the gift when they move in together. As that usually lasts longer than the marriages these days. I'm still surprised they list honeymoon activities on their registries today. In my day there were no registries and you were happy to receive ANY gift. And you didn't invite anyone to attend where you couldn't afford to pay for their dinner.

[151949]

On 7/12/2014 sandy53 said:

I understand couples choosing a destination wedding, but not the gift grab idea. I think some couples choose to do it to get away from dysfunctional family dynamics.

That would make sense. Leave the dysfunction at home and start out with a clean slate.

[LexPex]

The OP is correct. Many of the hotels in Oahu offer these packages for up to 25 people. Usually the wedding is on the beach with a small reception. My friend's foster daughter just got married at a "destination" on Waikiki. Many years ago when couple did get married at a destination, they used to have a reception afterwards, usually in the bride's hometown. IMO, this cuts out the cost of a reception yet still requires a gift when invited.

We were invited to this wedding and we had attended her first wedding. In this case we could not afford to go but sent the same gift as if we attended.

Just shy of 200 people were invited and only close family...think 19 were at the service and reception in Hawaii.

However, I do think less of them....just me, I guess.

[Desertdi]

I got married in court......on my lunch hour

[Chimi]

I would just plan on attending the ceremony at this fabulous location and tell the selfless couple, that since I was invited, it must be very important for me to be there. However, air fare and hotels don't come cheap but seeing that my attendance was important to the couple (or they wouldn't have invited me), it was a choice between their gift and the trip and I chose to share their wonderful experience of getting married. Surely, that's what they wanted to.

[milly1]

On 7/12/2014 starpolisher said:

On 7/12/2014 KJPA said:

I'm not condoning it but have you looked into the cost of a big wedding today? Our kids are now at this stage and I was stunned to discover that a common price per guest can easily be $150!!!! So if a couple goes to the wedding the bride/groom are paying possibly around $300 for their meals and adult beverages. Of course prices vary around the country and you can find less expensive ways to go, but many want the "party" of a lifetime. And there are many more expenses on top off the food, like the photographer, dress/tux, etc.

I seriously doubt the bride and groom recoup their costs via wedding gifts. I imagine most guests don't come close to gifting $150 per person. Gift if you want, go if you want. But emotionally support them as much as you can.

My oldest son is getting married this month. "KJPA" is exactly right! This is exactly the cost of the meals per person at his reception not to mention all the other costs! I know it's their choice and that's what they choose. His brother, my youngest is his best man. After, being exposed to all the rig-a-ma-row, he has announced that when he gets married he wants a "destination wedding"(meaning some exotic far-a-way place/he mentioned Tahiti). He says he'll pay for the people he "really wants there" and that that would be cheaper and less involved than what his brother is doing. I'm sorry to say he has the same attitude as the couple the OP posted about. Hopefully, even if you can't come you will send a gift! As I posted on another thread I started about wedding traditions, I don't necessarily like all these new ways - but times they are a changing! We can either step-up or step-out! Most of these young people could care less what we want or like.

Who is paying for these weddings? It's their wedding and it should be their choice. But then they should be paying the cost. It's crazy to think parents are paying these costs.

[luvdoodles]

We have never been invited to a destination wedding thank goodness. I hate flying and would just sent a card with some $$$$. When we were in Aruba we saw about three weddings on the beach. Very nice but very small wedding quests. Probably just family. I would not ever consider asking someone to pay for air fair and hotel for a wedding.

[KateChopin]

Interesting. Here is one for ya...

(BTW---I think destination weddings are lovely, but maybe if the intent is just to intentionally keep the guest list down while racking up some good cash...maybe they need to receive a "lovely" vase or porceline pig or something!)

My mom never drove, and is now disabled. My husband and kids are her only close family, and I do everything for her, and have for years.

Some of her extended family members (she hasn't seen them in decades) will invite her to the weddings of their kids all over the country...but do NOT invite us. How would she get there?!!! Of course, they don't invite us because they know I would move heaven and earth to make my mom happy...and that would mean that we WOULD attend.

I get upset with her for even sending a gift, but it makes her happy, so...