Beauty

[Skyegirl21]

Sending good thoughts and prayers to RiverSing and ByrieK.  Life is hard... Have you tried gentle yoga? It is beneficial physically and mentally. Tons of free yoga on YouTube. 

Me and my DH are fine, healthy, yet we suffer too.  He loses his temper over every trivial nothing, then ‘gets back’ at me for days after- What do I do?  He won’t go to counseling? He won’t listen to reason- that life is short and he is creating problems where there are none? Been together 27 yrs, and this is very disturbing and concerning-  We all have a burden to bear I guess, whether it is actual or created-  I welcome any thoughts or suggestions... Thank you for listening. 

[ByrdieK]

Thank you for your kind thoughts. Cancer treatment has consumed our lives for the last 18 months...and just when we thought we were clear it raised its ugly head again. I have started going to water aerobics which I find very calming, and hope to keep that up. Everyone says to take care of yourself but finding the time and energy is difficult. 

I have used time at home to decluttering and pair down my belongings. I don’t touch his, as like a lot of people, he thinks he will “need” something from 20 years ago someday. Case in point, he saved jeans from years past when he was thinner....now he has lost so much weight he is wearing them again. I would have bought new but he is pleased he can wear the old ones again. 

[Brisky]

ByrdieK, your feeling mental and physical exhaustion at the same time. Double whammy! Mind can go on working overtime when body is saying slow this train down. So you have to slow the mind down. Very hard to do. How are sleeping? That can play a big role when stressed out. Keep in touch and take care.

[Brisky]

Skyegirl, I am going on 27 years with my husband too.
Has he always done this to you or is this a newer development? If this is new, could he be depressed?

[just bee]

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@geezerette wrote:

@River Song 

@ByrdieK 

I can’t imagine the stress that you two are suffering.  The long term, never ending tension.  And as @ByrdieK says, you try not to show it and be strong and positive for your loved ones.  Sure, I had my fair share of it too, but it was a limited time, not like what you’re going through.

I think it’s hard for us who are not going though, or haven’t gone through, what you are to quite understand.  Not only do you have your husbands so ill, but you still have to deal with all the little daily nuisances in life that stress us all.  And do that by yourself, too.  Sometimes life just doesn’t seem fair.

You know you can scream and cry here anytime you need to, if you want.

🙏🕊❤️

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@geezerette 

@ByrdieK 

@River Song 

That tension.  The fear and worry that make you feel like glass that will shatter any second.

You can't live like that.

Anything that you can do to alleviate some of the stress will help you function more efficiently and effortlessly.  They can be little, every day rituals that make you feel in control.  Making a cup of tea, preparing a meal, walking the dog, applying makeup, reading a book, watching an old movie, washing the dishes, doing the laundry, listening to music -- it sounds a little too simplistic to work, but those normal things we take for granted can keep us grounded when the world around us is falling apart.

[just bee]

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@Skyegirl21 wrote:

Sending good thoughts and prayers to RiverSing and ByrieK.  Life is hard... Have you tried gentle yoga? It is beneficial physically and mentally. Tons of free yoga on YouTube. 

Me and my DH are fine, healthy, yet we suffer too.  He loses his temper over every trivial nothing, then ‘gets back’ at me for days after- What do I do?  He won’t go to counseling? He won’t listen to reason- that life is short and he is creating problems where there are none? Been together 27 yrs, and this is very disturbing and concerning-  We all have a burden to bear I guess, whether it is actual or created-  I welcome any thoughts or suggestions... Thank you for listening. 

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@Skyegirl21 

This is one of the weird things we humans do.  We like to create drama.  I don't know why we do this when life provides enough drama as it is.

Sometimes it takes a truly dramatic event to snap us out of it and make us realize that the "trivial nothings" are just that.  Trivial nothings.

Sounds like there's something else bothering him and he lets off steam but directs it at the wrong things and the wrong people.  You can tell him what you've been observing and that it concerns you because you don't want him to go through whatever it is he's going through alone.  Ask if there's something you can do to help.  If he tells you that you have to change everything about yourself to do that, then you have a choice to make.

People get angry and take it out on those closest to them.  It's "kick the dog" syndrome.  It may have nothing to do with you but it feels like it does when whatever he's going through is affecting you and your relationship.  Doesn't sound like he wants to talk about it, but he should before he blows up over the wrong thing or the wrong person.

BH and I have been together for 28 years and his fuse is much shorter than it was when we first met.  He does not suffer fools gladly.  He was the extrovert -- the people person.  Now there's only a handful of people that don't annoy the ____ out of him.

But he retains his sense of humor as do I.  The smoke alarm has been going off for no reason in our hotel room.  The other day the fire alarm went off.  After I left for work, he texted me, angry, every time it went off.

I texted: We gotta get outta this place if it's the last thing we ever do...

He texted: Girl, there's a better life for me and you.

And that ended the drama.

[geezerette]

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@just bee wrote:

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@Skyegirl21 wrote:

Sending good thoughts and prayers to RiverSing and ByrieK.  Life is hard... Have you tried gentle yoga? It is beneficial physically and mentally. Tons of free yoga on YouTube. 

Me and my DH are fine, healthy, yet we suffer too.  He loses his temper over every trivial nothing, then ‘gets back’ at me for days after- What do I do?  He won’t go to counseling? He won’t listen to reason- that life is short and he is creating problems where there are none? Been together 27 yrs, and this is very disturbing and concerning-  We all have a burden to bear I guess, whether it is actual or created-  I welcome any thoughts or suggestions... Thank you for listening. 

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@Skyegirl21 

This is one of the weird things we humans do.  We like to create drama.  I don't know why we do this when life provides enough drama as it is.

Sometimes it takes a truly dramatic event to snap us out of it and make us realize that the "trivial nothings" are just that.  Trivial nothings.

Sounds like there's something else bothering him and he lets off steam but directs it at the wrong things and the wrong people.  You can tell him what you've been observing and that it concerns you because you don't want him to go through whatever it is he's going through alone.  Ask if there's something you can do to help.  If he tells you that you have to change everything about yourself to do that, then you have a choice to make.

People get angry and take it out on those closest to them.  It's "kick the dog" syndrome.  It may have nothing to do with you but it feels like it does when whatever he's going through is affecting you and your relationship.  Doesn't sound like he wants to talk about it, but he should before he blows up over the wrong thing or the wrong person.

BH and I have been together for 28 years and his fuse is much shorter than it was when we first met.  He does not suffer fools gladly.  He was the extrovert -- the people person.  Now there's only a handful of people that don't annoy the ____ out of him.

But he retains his sense of humor as do I.  The smoke alarm has been going off for no reason in our hotel room.  The other day the fire alarm went off.  After I left for work, he texted me, angry, every time it went off.

I texted: We gotta get outta this place if it's the last thing we ever do...

He texted: Girl, there's a better life for me and you.

And that ended the drama.

---

@just bee 

Dang.  This made me bawl.  It’s probably what I miss most.  

❤️

[geezerette]

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@Skyegirl21 wrote:

Sending good thoughts and prayers to RiverSing and ByrieK.  Life is hard... Have you tried gentle yoga? It is beneficial physically and mentally. Tons of free yoga on YouTube. 

Me and my DH are fine, healthy, yet we suffer too.  He loses his temper over every trivial nothing, then ‘gets back’ at me for days after- What do I do?  He won’t go to counseling? He won’t listen to reason- that life is short and he is creating problems where there are none? Been together 27 yrs, and this is very disturbing and concerning-  We all have a burden to bear I guess, whether it is actual or created-  I welcome any thoughts or suggestions... Thank you for listening. 

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@Skyegirl21 

The only thing I can relate to in this is that the only time my husband would snap at me for something trivial was when he wasn’t feeling well.  He was the quintessential stoic male that would push through any illness or injury.  I had to remember that when he was irritated like that and approach him gently at a quiet time.  Even then, it often took some cajoling and time.  Sometimes he would deny anything was wrong at first, then at a later time admit he didn’t feel well.  

Is it possible your husband could have developed a “silent” condition, like diabetes or high blood pressure?

[just bee]

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@geezerette wrote:

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@Skyegirl21 wrote:

Sending good thoughts and prayers to RiverSing and ByrieK.  Life is hard... Have you tried gentle yoga? It is beneficial physically and mentally. Tons of free yoga on YouTube. 

Me and my DH are fine, healthy, yet we suffer too.  He loses his temper over every trivial nothing, then ‘gets back’ at me for days after- What do I do?  He won’t go to counseling? He won’t listen to reason- that life is short and he is creating problems where there are none? Been together 27 yrs, and this is very disturbing and concerning-  We all have a burden to bear I guess, whether it is actual or created-  I welcome any thoughts or suggestions... Thank you for listening. 

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@Skyegirl21 

The only thing I can relate to in this is that the only time my husband would snap at me for something trivial was when he wasn’t feeling well.  He was the quintessential stoic male that would push through any illness or injury.  I had to remember that when he was irritated like that and approach him gently at a quiet time.  Even then, it often took some cajoling and time.  Sometimes he would deny anything was wrong at first, then at a later time admit he didn’t feel well.  

Is it possible your husband could have developed a “silent” condition, like diabetes or high blood pressure?

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@geezerette 

@Skyegirl21 

That's an excellent point.  BH's blood pressure is quite a bit higher than it should be and his brother's diabetic, so...

G, your Old Geezer sounds a lot like my stepfather.  Stoic -- never said a word if he was ill, hurt or in pain.  One night my mother and I noticed when his pant leg rode up a bit.  He had the most awful gash on his leg.  He must have slipped, getting into his truck, and he never mentioned it.  He was embarrassed when we did.

He had high blood pressure, too, and had a massive heart attack on my mother's birthday in my last year of college.

Rare breed.  The best thing my mother ever did was marry him and we had to force her into it.

[just bee]

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@geezerette wrote:

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@just bee wrote:

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@Skyegirl21 wrote:

Sending good thoughts and prayers to RiverSing and ByrieK.  Life is hard... Have you tried gentle yoga? It is beneficial physically and mentally. Tons of free yoga on YouTube. 

Me and my DH are fine, healthy, yet we suffer too.  He loses his temper over every trivial nothing, then ‘gets back’ at me for days after- What do I do?  He won’t go to counseling? He won’t listen to reason- that life is short and he is creating problems where there are none? Been together 27 yrs, and this is very disturbing and concerning-  We all have a burden to bear I guess, whether it is actual or created-  I welcome any thoughts or suggestions... Thank you for listening. 

---

@Skyegirl21 

This is one of the weird things we humans do.  We like to create drama.  I don't know why we do this when life provides enough drama as it is.

Sometimes it takes a truly dramatic event to snap us out of it and make us realize that the "trivial nothings" are just that.  Trivial nothings.

Sounds like there's something else bothering him and he lets off steam but directs it at the wrong things and the wrong people.  You can tell him what you've been observing and that it concerns you because you don't want him to go through whatever it is he's going through alone.  Ask if there's something you can do to help.  If he tells you that you have to change everything about yourself to do that, then you have a choice to make.

People get angry and take it out on those closest to them.  It's "kick the dog" syndrome.  It may have nothing to do with you but it feels like it does when whatever he's going through is affecting you and your relationship.  Doesn't sound like he wants to talk about it, but he should before he blows up over the wrong thing or the wrong person.

BH and I have been together for 28 years and his fuse is much shorter than it was when we first met.  He does not suffer fools gladly.  He was the extrovert -- the people person.  Now there's only a handful of people that don't annoy the ____ out of him.

But he retains his sense of humor as do I.  The smoke alarm has been going off for no reason in our hotel room.  The other day the fire alarm went off.  After I left for work, he texted me, angry, every time it went off.

I texted: We gotta get outta this place if it's the last thing we ever do...

He texted: Girl, there's a better life for me and you.

And that ended the drama.

---

@just bee 

Dang.  This made me bawl.  It’s probably what I miss most.  

❤️

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@geezerette