Beauty

[aprilskies]

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@geezerette wrote:

@aprilskies

I'm with you on the lighter furniture.  Most of what we have is sort of medium, and our house is all light to medium colors, but it really doesn't fit well in this climate.  I guess we couldn't get the desert living out of our system when we first built here.  I got a home catalog the other day and I ended up cutting out a couple of pages to save just to look at.  I'm not pining away to order anything, but they had depicted a bedroom of all light neutral colors--walls, floors, bedding--everything light, airy and well, bland to most people I suppose.  But to me it looked so calming, peaceful and serene.  Very inviting.

Thankfully, I never got into collecting anything.  Probably because I'm too lazy to maintain it and am too fickle to like the same thing longer than a year or two at a time.  And age and infirmity have curtailed the few fashion excesses I had--shoes and purses.  I can only wear basically two brands of shoes now, and even then only one or two styles within each brand.  And I just can't carry a big heavy leather purse anymore.  In fact, I actually was able to finally donate the last of my big designer bags a few weeks ago.  They had been sitting on the shelf in my closet for years but I just couldn't part with them.  When I finally realized a while ago that the desire for them just wasn't in me any longer, I gave them away and haven't regretted it a bit.

I think a lot of my urge to declutter is purely because I'm lazy.  Even when I'm feeling good, I just don't want to maintain this stuff.  I used to take pride in keeping a spotless house.  This summer I've been fighting a losing battle with insects and dirt and the house is truly a mess.  It needed to be redone a few years ago, and with this dog and her utter destructive behavior, there's not much left.  The old geezer says he did the house once, he's not going to redo it.  I just can't get into keeping it up.  And so instead of cleaning out the garage, I sit in the shade and watch the birds.  And I don't care.

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@geezerette, I am trying not to do anything drastic on impulse with my furniture.  I almost did and am now glad it didnt work out.  If I am going to do anything, I want it to be more mindful than just on a crazy mad impulse. I can go in a bit of a trance when I am in the decluttering mode and want things to be different. It is smart to see what aesthetic changes can be made.  Change in the color scheme goes a long way and really changes things up. 

You know, if I am honest, I dont even understand collecting and I was collecting everything. I think because the people around me were doing it and thought it was the thing to do. It was just my "spending" addiction and retail therapy that took over because it gave me something to focus on.  I never really had the space to display much so everything mostly stayed in boxes except a few things. They are still in boxes and while they are not in my way, I would like to get things cleared out.  And yes absolutely, who wants to maintain things and keep up with dusting, I am fully with you. I am at a stage, I dont want to manage things, even just mentally.  I use to marvel at one of my girlfriends, even with kids, she only had just so in her house. No clutter anywhere, no collections, no nothing, just what they were using and enjoying.  I loved it but couldnt understand it at the same time. It is not that she didnt spend, but she decluttered as she went. No storing it because she will need it later. She didnt get attached to things.

I cant even seem to conquer the phenomenon of the dining room table.  Why is it always cluttered no matter how much I try to stay on top of it. It is a catch all. 

I can understand the need to just want to sit outside and not give a darn.  Me too.  It is amazing how fast things get out of control and the motivation and ability to deal with them diminishes. Probably the very thing fueling me to go through everything again. 

[just bee]

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@geezerette wrote:

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@just bee wrote:

@geezerette

You know those moments, early in the morning, when you're all alone and you have the need to confess?

So Better-half, ever practical, arrived home with items that were, for the most part, practical.  He isn't strictly utilitarian so many of these objects appealed to him aesthetically.

I got up this morning and tried to incorporate some things into our existing collections.  But I also woke up perturbed.  When he got home yesterday he handed me a bookmark.  It was the type I collected in the 70s (and still have, by the way) -- the ones easily found at any Hallmark store.  A picture, usually a funny or sentimental message, and some yarn attached.  The one he handed me was well-worn.  There was a photo of an Old English Sheepdog; a message ("Here's looking at you!"); and a message scrawled on the back by someone who was obviously new to penmanship.

A simple message.  It was to his mother -- and he didn't write "mom."  He wrote her name and then he wrote that it was from... well, he used a nickname.  Neither of us use our nicknames.  Ever.  But there it was -- in print: A pint-sized Better-half.

Then he took it back from me and tossed it in the kitchen trash.

"Why did you do that?"

"Why would I keep it?"

But his mother had kept it for 40 years.

And so, as I was washing the very cool pint glasses he came home with, I stopped to reach down into the trash to retrieve the bookmark.

And that just illustrates the difference between us.

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@just bee

 Yes, I do know those moments, although lately I haven't had any alone time in the mornings and I miss it desperately.  But I digress...

A psychiatrist would have a field day with this one.   But I'll give you my amateur stab at it.  You think that while his practical side (the glasses that you could actually use) wouldn't allow him to keep the bookmark, his (deeply hidden) sentimental side subconsciously really wanted you to keep it, otherwise why would he bring it all the way home and not just toss it away with everything else he didn't want?  It brought out the whole "small boy loses his mommy" thing.  As much as he wanted to not go there, dealing with his mother's loss and subsequent possessions forced him to relive a lot of emotions.  Add to that, the fact that it was a bookmark made the connection between you and his mother.  I'm sure there were many other items that brought back memories for him, but this happened to tie you two together so the emotion was even greater.  Making a show of throwing it away in front of you to show you he doesn't care, but bringing it back in the first place and purposely showing it to you in the first place!  Conflicting emotions.  You probably will have a lot of that to deal with for a while.

Also, the ever-practical side of him figured he could bring that item home since it was so small and didn't take up any room.  How's that?

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@geezerette

Well, Dr. G, I will definitely take that under consideration.  Now I'm wondering how much time should pass before I confess that I kept the bookmark and squirreled it away.

He'll be mortified.  You took it out of the garbage?  Eewwwwww!

[just bee]

@aprilskies

@geezerette

If it'll make you two feel any better, I started shredding junk mail on Sunday and didn't stop until I had five trash bags full.

Five.

I'm just getting started.

[geezerette]

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@just bee wrote:

---

@geezerette wrote:

---

@just bee wrote:

@geezerette

You know those moments, early in the morning, when you're all alone and you have the need to confess?

So Better-half, ever practical, arrived home with items that were, for the most part, practical.  He isn't strictly utilitarian so many of these objects appealed to him aesthetically.

I got up this morning and tried to incorporate some things into our existing collections.  But I also woke up perturbed.  When he got home yesterday he handed me a bookmark.  It was the type I collected in the 70s (and still have, by the way) -- the ones easily found at any Hallmark store.  A picture, usually a funny or sentimental message, and some yarn attached.  The one he handed me was well-worn.  There was a photo of an Old English Sheepdog; a message ("Here's looking at you!"); and a message scrawled on the back by someone who was obviously new to penmanship.

A simple message.  It was to his mother -- and he didn't write "mom."  He wrote her name and then he wrote that it was from... well, he used a nickname.  Neither of us use our nicknames.  Ever.  But there it was -- in print: A pint-sized Better-half.

Then he took it back from me and tossed it in the kitchen trash.

"Why did you do that?"

"Why would I keep it?"

But his mother had kept it for 40 years.

And so, as I was washing the very cool pint glasses he came home with, I stopped to reach down into the trash to retrieve the bookmark.

And that just illustrates the difference between us.

---

@just bee

 Yes, I do know those moments, although lately I haven't had any alone time in the mornings and I miss it desperately.  But I digress...

A psychiatrist would have a field day with this one.   But I'll give you my amateur stab at it.  You think that while his practical side (the glasses that you could actually use) wouldn't allow him to keep the bookmark, his (deeply hidden) sentimental side subconsciously really wanted you to keep it, otherwise why would he bring it all the way home and not just toss it away with everything else he didn't want?  It brought out the whole "small boy loses his mommy" thing.  As much as he wanted to not go there, dealing with his mother's loss and subsequent possessions forced him to relive a lot of emotions.  Add to that, the fact that it was a bookmark made the connection between you and his mother.  I'm sure there were many other items that brought back memories for him, but this happened to tie you two together so the emotion was even greater.  Making a show of throwing it away in front of you to show you he doesn't care, but bringing it back in the first place and purposely showing it to you in the first place!  Conflicting emotions.  You probably will have a lot of that to deal with for a while.

Also, the ever-practical side of him figured he could bring that item home since it was so small and didn't take up any room.  How's that?

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@geezerette

Well, Dr. G, I will definitely take that under consideration.  Now I'm wondering how much time should pass before I confess that I kept the bookmark and squirreled it away.

He'll be mortified.  You took it out of the garbage?  Eewwwwww!

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@just bee

You'll have to figure that one out for yourself.  It's beyond my pay grade, or doctorate level.

[geezerette]

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@just bee wrote:

@aprilskies

@geezerette

If it'll make you two feel any better, I started shredding junk mail on Sunday and didn't stop until I had five trash bags full.

Five.

I'm just getting started.

---

@just bee

Makes me feel much better...

[geezerette]

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@aprilskies wrote:

---

@geezerette wrote:

@aprilskies

I'm with you on the lighter furniture.  Most of what we have is sort of medium, and our house is all light to medium colors, but it really doesn't fit well in this climate.  I guess we couldn't get the desert living out of our system when we first built here.  I got a home catalog the other day and I ended up cutting out a couple of pages to save just to look at.  I'm not pining away to order anything, but they had depicted a bedroom of all light neutral colors--walls, floors, bedding--everything light, airy and well, bland to most people I suppose.  But to me it looked so calming, peaceful and serene.  Very inviting.

Thankfully, I never got into collecting anything.  Probably because I'm too lazy to maintain it and am too fickle to like the same thing longer than a year or two at a time.  And age and infirmity have curtailed the few fashion excesses I had--shoes and purses.  I can only wear basically two brands of shoes now, and even then only one or two styles within each brand.  And I just can't carry a big heavy leather purse anymore.  In fact, I actually was able to finally donate the last of my big designer bags a few weeks ago.  They had been sitting on the shelf in my closet for years but I just couldn't part with them.  When I finally realized a while ago that the desire for them just wasn't in me any longer, I gave them away and haven't regretted it a bit.

I think a lot of my urge to declutter is purely because I'm lazy.  Even when I'm feeling good, I just don't want to maintain this stuff.  I used to take pride in keeping a spotless house.  This summer I've been fighting a losing battle with insects and dirt and the house is truly a mess.  It needed to be redone a few years ago, and with this dog and her utter destructive behavior, there's not much left.  The old geezer says he did the house once, he's not going to redo it.  I just can't get into keeping it up.  And so instead of cleaning out the garage, I sit in the shade and watch the birds.  And I don't care.

---

@geezerette, I am trying not to do anything drastic on impulse with my furniture.  I almost did and am now glad it didnt work out.  If I am going to do anything, I want it to be more mindful than just on a crazy mad impulse. I can go in a bit of a trance when I am in the decluttering mode and want things to be different. It is smart to see what aesthetic changes can be made.  Change in the color scheme goes a long way and really changes things up. 

You know, if I am honest, I dont even understand collecting and I was collecting everything. I think because the people around me were doing it and thought it was the thing to do. It was just my "spending" addiction and retail therapy that took over because it gave me something to focus on.  I never really had the space to display much so everything mostly stayed in boxes except a few things. They are still in boxes and while they are not in my way, I would like to get things cleared out.  And yes absolutely, who wants to maintain things and keep up with dusting, I am fully with you. I am at a stage, I dont want to manage things, even just mentally.  I use to marvel at one of my girlfriends, even with kids, she only had just so in her house. No clutter anywhere, no collections, no nothing, just what they were using and enjoying.  I loved it but couldnt understand it at the same time. It is not that she didnt spend, but she decluttered as she went. No storing it because she will need it later. She didnt get attached to things.

I cant even seem to conquer the phenomenon of the dining room table.  Why is it always cluttered no matter how much I try to stay on top of it. It is a catch all. 

I can understand the need to just want to sit outside and not give a darn.  Me too.  It is amazing how fast things get out of control and the motivation and ability to deal with them diminishes. Probably the very thing fueling me to go through everything again. 

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@aprilskies

Wise decision not to act on impulse.  I can't count the things I've tossed or donated, only to decide I still wanted them and then end up buying the same item back!  I sure wouldn't want to deal with something like furniture without thinking long and hard about what my lifestyle was going to be going forward.  Not to mention that it's a major expense.

What is it about dining room tables?  I had such plans for our dining table: nice and clean with a beautiful seasonal centerpiece to change every few months.  What we ended up with is another catch-all for junk.  And a place for the cat to lay on it all.  I give up.

It's supposed to be cooler with less humidity here for the next couple of days, so I think I'm going to forget about everything I have to do around here and just enjoy a hint of fall.  I can't wait for the real thing.

[just bee]

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@geezerette wrote:

---

@just bee wrote:

@aprilskies

@geezerette

If it'll make you two feel any better, I started shredding junk mail on Sunday and didn't stop until I had five trash bags full.

Five.

I'm just getting started.

---

@just bee

Makes me feel much better...

---

@geezerette

See, I get more mail than Better-half.  And, as I was shredding away, I realized that 90% of my mail is from organizations that have either received donations from me or are hoping to receive donations from me.  If they would stop sending me all this paper, they'd have plenty of money.

My whole approach to junk mail has been idiotic.  I associate paper with trees and so I feel obligated to recycle all this mail.  But my system was all wrong.

Better-half figures that he's done his part for recycling.  He hasn't produced any offspring so his footprint is microscopic.  He only recycles because I keep a large box in the kitchen for recyclables and whine occasionally.

He gets mail and immediately shreds it.  For some reason I believed that shredded paper, because it was in a plastic trash bag, was considered trash.  So I carefully remove recyclable parts from my junk mail (the parts that don't have my name and address).

This has become increasingly difficult because organizations put your name and address all over.  Do you know how much time I was spending analyzing every piece of mail and separating its parts?  Then I'd tear the parts with my name and address into little tiny bits and throw them in different trash receptacles throughout the house.

This was an exhausting process.  So, of course, I'd put if off as long as possible.  Meanwhile, mail would pile up.

Finally, I decided to check the city's website and I discovered that shredded paper is acceptable in the recycling bin.  (Kibble bags are not.)  Well, this is life-changing.  I don't have to separate anymore -- I can just shred it all.  (Of course, in the back of my mind I can picture someone piecing it all together but, really, who wants to do that when they can just break into my mailbox instead?  So much easier, right?)

Anyway, now that I know I can shred with abandon, I have a future of shredding ahead of me.  Junk mail, school papers, work papers -- all sorts of things.

I feel lighter already.

[just bee]

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@geezerette wrote:

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@aprilskies

What is it about dining room tables?  I had such plans for our dining table: nice and clean with a beautiful seasonal centerpiece to change every few months.  What we ended up with is another catch-all for junk.  And a place for the cat to lay on it all.  I give up.

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@geezerette

@aprilskies

Well, if it will make you two feel any better...

I was always the one who piled my work and school papers on the dining room table.  I finally made myself clear the table once and for all and I broke the habit.

That's when Better-half decided that he needed to paint.  For the past few months there has been a large canvas on the table, surrounded by paints and paint supplies.

I haven't said a word.

[geezerette]

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@just bee wrote:

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@geezerette wrote:

---

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@aprilskies

What is it about dining room tables?  I had such plans for our dining table: nice and clean with a beautiful seasonal centerpiece to change every few months.  What we ended up with is another catch-all for junk.  And a place for the cat to lay on it all.  I give up.

---

@geezerette

@aprilskies

Well, if it will make you two feel any better...

I was always the one who piled my work and school papers on the dining room table.  I finally made myself clear the table once and for all and I broke the habit.

That's when Better-half decided that he needed to paint.  For the past few months there has been a large canvas on the table, surrounded by paints and paint supplies.

I haven't said a word.

@just bee

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When my old geezer does something that really doesn't mean anything in the broad scheme of life but irritates me to no end, I try to think about how I would feel if I lived in a home that was perfect according to my standards, but had no old geezer living in it with me.  Puts things in perspective.

Bet you're happy just to have BH home safe and sound, even if he has painting stuff all over your table.  

Besides, now you can have something to eat other than tuna.

[aprilskies]

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@geezerette wrote:

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@just bee wrote:

---

@geezerette wrote:

---

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@aprilskies

What is it about dining room tables?  I had such plans for our dining table: nice and clean with a beautiful seasonal centerpiece to change every few months.  What we ended up with is another catch-all for junk.  And a place for the cat to lay on it all.  I give up.

---

@geezerette

@aprilskies

Well, if it will make you two feel any better...

I was always the one who piled my work and school papers on the dining room table.  I finally made myself clear the table once and for all and I broke the habit.

That's when Better-half decided that he needed to paint.  For the past few months there has been a large canvas on the table, surrounded by paints and paint supplies.

I haven't said a word.

@just bee

---

When my old geezer does something that really doesn't mean anything in the broad scheme of life but irritates me to no end, I try to think about how I would feel if I lived in a home that was perfect according to my standards, but had no old geezer living in it with me.  Puts things in perspective.

Bet you're happy just to have BH home safe and sound, even if he has painting stuff all over your table.  

Besides, now you can have something to eat other than tuna.

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Laughing my pants off. Your palate must be doing the happy dance, JB.  Roll your tongue back up, you are salivating all over the place.