Brother Update - Page 3

San Antonio Gal · ‎05-18-2017

@monicakm - I'm so sorry and wish I had the right words to say. Please know my thoughts are with you. I hope you find a little comfort coming to the beauty forum.

moonandthestars · ‎03-11-2010

@monicakm So sorry about your brother! That must have been quite the appointment with his doctor - I don't know if that was something out of the blue or somewhat expected from a long known illness, but still that is something that would be shattering to hear. An oncology doctor told me years ago that doctors are not gods and they cannot with certainty say how long someone will live. What they can know if how advanced an illness is and statistically how fast it progresses. That of course can vary for person to person. And hopefully they guide to the best treatment or the best way to feel as ok as possible. It sounds very nice to me that your brother has been working in his workshop - like it's something that's a part of him doing that sort of work. Finding him on the kitchen floor sleeping seems fine to me (like why not?) as long as it wasn't because he fell and couldn't get back up. Do you know? Does he have hospice coming in to help? I don't know if he's receiving any sort of treatment but either way, he is or not, he can still have hospice come in to help. They help with so many things, pain management, day to day living, can suggest the right things and equipment to help him, make sure he's eating ok (i.e. prepare food), they could walk with him to the workshop and see that he's safe, and they are there to offer him a safe space to talk and confide or ask questions, organize thoughts. etc. They may already be coming in so I won't go on. But if they are not, please consider arranging that for him.

Sending my best wishes for your brother, you and your family.

moonandthestars · ‎03-11-2010

@Love4cats my father died of prostate cancer too

Queen of shop · ‎12-13-2020

@monicakm Always sending my best thoughts to you and your family.

monicakm · ‎03-16-2010

Hospice has been with him for 3 weeks. They aren't there full time tho. We think it's the drugs he's on that cause him to get up in the middle of the night and go to the shop. Yes, he did fall in the kitchen. He is bent over all the time due to pain (and most likely medication). He was sitting at a bar stool, bent over and fell asleep, falling to the floor.

He's been sick for months but would never stop. Multiple trips to the Dr never showed anything wrong until it was too late. Stage 4 liver cancer with it also in his brain and lungs. Dr said it didn't start in the liver. My guess, with him being a smoker, is that it started in the lungs. Dr said there was nothing they could do. He had two choices. Live out the rest of his life (less than a week) or be admitted to the hospital and start treatments that would only prolong his life by probably a few weeks, not cure him. It was his choice. He chose not to go thru treatments that would not improve his life and he was going to die from this anyway. He's miserable, in constant agony and ready to (in his words) see the face of Jesus. Apparently at least one person here thinks it's wrong of me to wish he'd let go and go home to be out of ALL pain and suffering. She would rather him hang on by a thread while cancer ravaged what's left of his almost non-existent body while making him weaker and sicker with each passing day. What an insensitive thing to ask of someone in his condition.

I don't think he's actually doing anything in the shop. He's too medicated and the brain cancer is debilitating more and more. I can't understand him when he talks to me When he can speak loud enough to hear, he makes no sense. I remember my brother in law calling me over to his bed as he was dying. He was trying to tell me something. I couldn't understand him. I asked him 2 more times to repeat it. I will never know what he so badly wanted to say to me.

I'd like to thank the ladies who turned me on to rinseless washing alternatives when I was going to have knee surgery. My aunt had to go home (West Virginia). She was helping him clean himself (he won't let Hospice). I'm going to take these over tomorrow and see if he'll let me clean him up a bit. My husband uses the other moistened cloths. I've used these the last two nights since I can't get in my tub again due to my stupid knee. They're great! I will never be without something like this. Should be household staples.

Yes, I do realize I have this wonderful group of ladies to lean on and be comforted by your words. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!

monicakm · ‎03-16-2010

@Love4cats

I'm so very sorry for your loss. There are 100s of millions of us who have been affected by something like this. If not ourselves, our loved ones. This is actually my first experience of a close relative dying from cancer. My brother in law died from cancer but I wasn't there till the end to see him.

I've been amazed and humbled by how strong he's been thru it all. And his emotional and physical strength has kept us strong. I guessing building his casket has been one of the hardest things my husband has done to date. Watching him build it has certainly been one of the hardest things I've had to see.

monicakm · ‎03-16-2010

Yes we have @JeanLouiseFinch I KNOW he's hanging on for our mom. Dad is sad but had dementia doesn't understand why the Drs can't "fix him". I can explain it and he says he understands but 30 minutes later is asking what's wrong with him. Mom told him it's ok to go. He knows they're going to have to move out of the home they love and into assisted living housing.

moonandthestars · ‎03-11-2010

@monicakm oh wow. that's quite the sad situation. Dr. didn't really give him any good choices, did he. Terrible they couldn't find what was going on with him until what he had was so advanced. So upsetting! So unfair.

I'm glad hospice is there helping. Can they increase hours?

Sorry to hear he fell. Maybe hospice has some suggestions as to how to keep him safer - like maybe replace the barstool with something else! I don't know his set up there, but they do. Does he have a wheelchair? Would that help? Does he now have a hospital type bed? or a recliner chair? would any of those help?

Can they work with his pain medications and change things up? Are they trying different things? they hopefully will find a pain med. combination to be most effective for him. For my father it was fentanyl patches (and I know this has a really bad reputation now) They were most effective for him and mixed with some other pain pill - maybe it was dilauded. (sp) it was not 100% but it made things bearable most/some of the time. We also tried some medical pot - pill form tho at that time - helped him relax and increased appetite, helped with nausea. Someone should definitely be in close contact with his hospice people and the dr. to ask them to do more for your brother pain wise.

I know it's all upsetting! And the 'communication' issue too I'm sure is so frustrating and it mirrors your prior experience with not knowing what was being said to you. Can he write things down? Can he understand you? When he makes no sense, maybe just say something back that makes a little sense. Tell him you love him often.