Among Friends

[halfpint1]

lights on . asked son to spend a night but no.

[RedTop]

@halfpint1,

I think deep down you know what you have to do, and that is to admit to Bob, and your doctor that you need help, and that you cannot live alone.   

At 81, and being scared at home alone, you should not keep torturing yourself with trying to stay there.   This noise issue has now come between you and Bob, and he can’t hear something that isn’t there.   I feel like he’s making suggestions about what you should do, and you don’t like what he’s saying or what he’s thinking.   But remember he wants you to be safe, and feel safe, which is not how things have been going for 2 1/2 years now.  

Please listen to Bob and do something to help you feel better and more secure.

[10grands]

I know it must be very frustrating to you.   I always have my TV on low at night, doubt if I could sleep without it.   Please continue to take medication the Dr. prescribed.   Do you nap during the day, I find if I do, it is harder to get to sleep at night.

There are many of us here who care about you, so please keep us posted how you are doing.

[RedTop]

@halfpint1,

You have to admit this noise is driving you over the edge, and realize the only way it’s going to stop is for you to ask for medical help and get out of the house into an environment where you know you are safe, and where you feel safe.    

I feel sure Bob can’t understand why you are so scared to be in the same house, and same neighborhood you’ve lived in for a long time.   I’ve never heard you say anything bad about your neighbors, or your neighborhood, as to having any specific reason to be scared at night, other than hearing a noise no one else hears.

[Shawnie]

@halfpint1 hope you are sleeping by now.  what kind of noise do you hear?  i have tinnitus, lots of people do.  for me it is a constant high pitched noise that it just background noise for me.  there really isn’t anything you can do about it.  just one of those things.  anyway do take your meds and listen to your son.  

[lolakimono]

@halfpint1

This article is older, but it's a good one to explain (IMO) what is going on.

https://www.nytimes.com/2001/08/21/health/turning-down-the-phantom-noise-inside-the-head.html

This is another good one.

https://www.aafp.org/afp/2004/0101/p120.html

You have been given lots of appropriate advice here on multiple threads.  I believe, as @RedTop has suggested, that this is tinnitus, and you experience it more severely at night when things tend to quiet down, you notice the noises more.  It can be traced back to many causes, even something as routine as aspirin can make the symptoms worse. You haven't mentioned if you have high blood pressure, but that can make symptoms worse as well.   If you have already had your hearing tested, and have not been fitted for hearing aids, those can help to make the problem better.  You can use a fan or keep a radio on, which will help to give you environmental noise and help mask the symptoms.  

You have solutions to this problem, but you seem unable/unwilling to seek them.

1- have a full medical workup to verify that it is not being caused from something treatable, like hearing loss, wax buildup, or high blood pressure.  

2- have a pharmacist review the medications (prescription and OTC) that you regularly take to see if there is something that is making the tinnitus worse.

3- take the anti-anxiety medication to help you calm down at night when you feel alone/scared.

4- get a roommate or live in caregiver so that you have some companionship at night.

5- move to a senior center, where you can have companionship and a sense of "safety" that you aren't feeling in your own house.  

I hope that you find some relief soon.  I am concerned about you.

[NickNack]

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@halfpint1 wrote:

So if you are reading what should I DO?

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@halfpint1  I am so sorry you are going through this.  I've been reading your posts about the noise you're hearing for several years.  You are asking what you should do, but you have been given many good suggestions.  Why don't you take any of the advice?  You seem to just ignore the posts giving you suggestions and asking again.  I think you're getting suggestions that you don't want to hear.  I'm not sure what you want people to say.

Many people here really care about you and want to see you get help.  Are you unable or unwilling to move to a senior living facility?  That's the best advice you've been given.  Again, I'm so sorry you're going through this.  I do hope you'll start taking some of this advice.

[Gorgf]

I am not officially a widow. I am divorced, 15 years now ,living alone. Mental illiness and alcohol abuse and his affair. He was never happy. He is on his 4th marriage . I have no family to speak of. I was an only child and raised my ex husband's children fulltime, thus none of my own. It is difficult to depend on and ask others for help. I own my own home and thankful, financially secure. I retired a year ago. Trying to keep occupied and doing things out of the house. 

I have been touched by your posts and enjoyed the pictures, especially the pet and animal ones. My Dog keeps me going with our twice daily walks.

Those of you that had a wonderful marriage and relationship were blessed  with fond memories  that keep you going. I am certain you miss many things. I recall my widowed Aunt saying she missed her husband's help carrying in groceries. Those little things that meant so much. You are lucky to have had the goodness a relationship can give. There is always something to be thankful for.

Thank You for the posts. This is the first time I opened this thread. Very nice. You made my day. I won't get involved in Facebook as too  much gossip, breach of privacy, and meaness.

[Bird mama]

@Gorgf  Welcome to the thread.  I've read many books on loss and learned loss is significant whether or not it's because of death, divorce, loss of a job, kids going off to college and getting empty nest syndrome.

I was widowed at the age of 44.  My husband had been in my life for 7 years.  Honestly I have always been comfortable in my own company and never thought I would marry - I was okay with it too, lol.

My husband was a good person.  A little on the selfish side, still an overall good person.  Had he lived we'd still be together.

Once he died, I knew then and there that I would never marry again.  I tried it once and had no desire to do it again.

[Bird mama]

@possummink  Sweetie after reading about the horse incident and lightening strike incident, you are a walking example of a person who was meant to be here.