what would you do - Page 3

Ketra · ‎02-16-2018

@elizabethl123 Since you and your sister & bil aren’t close, and haven’t kept in contact with one another, I wouldn’t feel guilty at all for not going to the funeral. Send a card expressing your sympathy, and make a donation to a charity in your bil’s name. You are 90 years old and need to take care of yourself both physically and emotionally. I’ll say some prayers for you tonight. The Holy Spirit will let you know what you should do.

GraceLady · ‎01-03-2013

I am sorry for the loss of your husband. I want to acknowledge your feelings. I understand being upset with your family for not coming to his funeral. When my husband died, I could not even tell you everyone that was there, but I can tell you who did not come. It hurts because the funeral is not only to pay your respects for the person who has died, it is to be there for the living as well. When it was your immediate family, it is not so easily forgotten.

I would suggest you search your heart, and do what you are able to do. If attending the funeral would be a hardship on you physically, be honest and let them know. I am sure at your age, they would understand. You could then send a card, flowers, have some masses said. If you feel you are able to attend and are able to get there, and want to see your family, by all means go. Just keep in mind that you must keep the past in the past. You would be going to pay your respects to your brother-in-law, and to be of some support to your sister. I don't think there is a wrong answer. You are certainly a very caring person. They are lucky to have you as family.

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

Are you even able to go physically? Do you have someone to drive you? Would it be uncomfortable for you to be there? That's a big consideration because if so, you don't need that.

Would it be more stressful for your sister's family if you were there? Sometimes when families are estranged it is better for all not to go.

Just tossing that thought out.

PamfromCT · ‎05-22-2014

First of all, I want to send my sympathy to you for the loss of your husband. It must be so hard to adjust to such a loss.

As far as your sister is concerned, who can explain why some people fail to do the appropriate thing? You are certainly justified in feeling very hurt. Anyone would be. That said, you are to be admired for wondering how to best handle the situation that will be coming soon. As so many have said, don’t even consider such a long and taxing trip. A card will certainly suffice, and it sounds like you may want to consider a donation to a charity in his honor.

You are really a very special and loving person. I wish you all the best, and the world needs more people like you. I do hope you will come back and post, as you would be such a positive influence here. I look forward to hearing from you again.

Pam

pugvette74 · ‎06-11-2010

@elizabethl123 wrote:
2 years ago my hubby passed away not one from my family came 4 hour drive too busy .my hubbys family came 4 hour drive now my sister her hubby 87 is dying from cancer so i will probably get the call. im still hurt plus i never hear from them at all. what would you do . i would love to honor him but what can i say to my so called family . i will be 90 in oct. thank you for reading this and bless all of you. i read lots of forums so much hate and why if you cant say a kind word let it go we were born to love not hate i t .ell my g/gdaughter all the time i love her and tell her that loves goes in her heart and stays there and no one can take it away . shes 6 . hubby and i were married for 65 years when he passed away. so tell some one that you love them

@elizabethl123 You said it best~ "You want to honor him" "if you can't say a kind word let it go" "but what can I say to my so called family"

You lost your hubby, your best friend of many many years and for whatever reasons your family wasn't there.

Do what you wrote in this post and what you feel in your heart. You have the answers. You are a beautiful soul. A loving and caring woman.

God Bless you too. You are in my prayers.

Still Raining · ‎03-30-2014

I am so sorry that you had additional issues at your husbands death.

i was struck with your statement that you wished to honor your BIL. Would a visit while he is living give you peace?

jlkz · ‎12-02-2013

@elizabethl123

Lots of very good and similar advice in these posts. One piece came from you: tell someone you love them when they are alive to hear it.

Your BIL is alive now...a short telephone call to tell him he is being thought about and prayed for can mean a tremendous lot at this stage.

Traveling shouldn’t be a concern: when he passes send a note to your sister, call her, send a donation in his honor, send a silk plant, etc.

We make a living by what we get. We make a life by what we give.
Sir Winston Churchill

AuntG · ‎03-09-2010

That seems unfair @elizabethl123 . You have my sympathy.

drizzellla · ‎03-14-2010

@jlkz wrote:
@elizabethl123

Lots of very good and similar advice in these posts. One piece came from you: tell someone you love them when they are alive to hear it.

Your BIL is alive now...a short telephone call to tell him he is being thought about and prayed for can mean a tremendous lot at this stage.

Traveling shouldn’t be a concern: when he passes send a note to your sister, call her, send a donation in his honor, send a silk plant, etc.

Follow your heart. You have a good one. I can not believe how your family acted but that is beyond your control.

I agree with Jlkz. Since he is still alive. I think the best way to honor him would be to visit or phone him. Talk to him now while he is still alive.

Then don't worry about the funeral. You have already made your peace.

Starpolisher · ‎03-10-2010

@drizzellla wrote:
@jlkz wrote:
@elizabethl123

Lots of very good and similar advice in these posts. One piece came from you: tell someone you love them when they are alive to hear it.

Your BIL is alive now...a short telephone call to tell him he is being thought about and prayed for can mean a tremendous lot at this stage.

Traveling shouldn’t be a concern: when he passes send a note to your sister, call her, send a donation in his honor, send a silk plant, etc.
Follow your heart. You have a good one. I can not believe how your family acted but that is beyond your control.

I agree with Jlkz. Since he is still alive. I think the best way to honor him would be to visit or phone him. Talk to him now while he is still alive.

Then don't worry about the funeral. You have already made your peace.

@elizabethl123
I agree with most on here.
First please let me say you have my sympathy on the passing of your husband and the turmoil within your family. It's unfortunate but many times families hurt one another whether intentional or not. I understand your pain. I think you should do what is, first, best for you and makes you comfortable. God knows what's in your heart and you know what you think you should do. (BTW, My mom will also be 90 in October.)