Among Friends

[RetRN]

Send a sympathy card and include a donation if you wish. I think the way they treated you when your husband passed must have been very painful and hurtful. Please stay home and take good care of yourself. You sound like a beautiful lady both inside and out. 

[software]

I'm sorry for your loss, I'm a widow as well.

You asked, so here's my opinion.

I wouldn't go.    It would bring up past hurts, 2 years from losing your DH is not a lot of time, you don't need the conflict.  

Find a way to honor your brother in law's memory in a personal way.

Send flowers, make a donation to cancer or whatever was his interest or yours, in his honor.   

A 4 hour drive there & back is grueling.

Your heart is tender, don't expose yourself to more pain.

[elizabethl123]

HOW CAN I THANK ALL OF YOU YOUR POSTS HAD SO MUCH LOVE IN THEM   AND I NEEDED THAT.  IF ALL OF YOU LIVED NEAR ME IN PA. BOY I WOULD COOK YOU A YUMMY ITALIAN MEAL.   IM ITALIAN AND LOVE TO COOK.  MY HUBBY LOVED TO GROCERY SHOP. KNEW THE PRICES BETTER THAN ME.  THE DAY HE PASSED AWAY MY SON TOOK US SHOPPING   5 MIN. IN THE STORE HE SAID I WANT TO GO HOME, DID NOT FEEL GOOD SO SON WENT TO GET THE CAR. HE NEVER MADE IT OUT OF THE STORE. . I BELIVE GOD PUT HIM THERE  HIS FAVORITE PLACE  AND THE LORD TOOK HIM HOME.    I BLESS ALL OF YOU    

[Cakers3]

@elizabethl123  When you say you want to "honor him" it seems you think it is the right thing to do because we do attend wakes/funerals out of respect. 

I think you are caught up in a societal norm and feel you would be a disrespectful person by not going.

I believe your heart is in the right place but please don't be caught up with the "I have to because it's what I'm supposed to do"-which is what I think you are doing.

A carefully chosen card with a short but heartfelt sincere condolences written by you would be what I would do.

You can do what is best for you, but my suggestion is not to do it because you feel you "have to do it".

Family dynamics can be so complex; but in the end the simplest of solutions are the best.  If you are going to be thinking of what they didn't do the whole way, it will diminish why you are going.

Please accept my sincere condolences regarding your DH.  I know they hurt you but in the end that is on them, and not for you to fix.

Be well.

[house_cat]

@elizabethl123 

If you are able to attend, then do so.  

Let your legacy be one of grace and love.  It's a powerful lesson for those who have disrespected you, and your heart will feel full for honoring the deceased.  

If your departed husband was as caring a person as you seem to be, he'll be giving you the "thumbs up" from Heaven.

[Lindsays Grandma]

ADELINE, I read your post about your beloved husband not making it out of the grocery store, it brought tears to my eyes.  I'm sure you miss him and I hope fond memories of him give you comfort.

As for your brother-in-law's illness and being close to death, I suggest you send a lovely condolence card when your sister calls you about his passing.  At your age a four hour drive is out of the question, you need to take care of you.  God bless you lovely lady, stay well.

[CountryCook]

I completely understand the way you feel.  My husband passed away 13 months ago.  NONE of his family came to his funeral, send a card or flowers to his funeral.  They all had excuses--to busy,  just came back from a big vacation,  could not miss work.  All of them own their own businesses.   His sister called me about 2 months after he passed away and told me that she would not be calling me again.  We very seldom every heard from her.  One of her sons came by and got all the things my husband rec'd when his mother died.  That was the last I saw or heard from him.   I will say that most of his family lived out of state.

So you do what you can live with.  If you are not able to go, then stay home.  If you want to go then go.  If necessary hire a car service or ask a good friend to make the trip with you.

[sissel]

You answered your own question, when you needed them they were not there, now they need you, if not there the furneral will still go on. Just do whatever sending a card or something they know you are in their thoughts, don't get upset it is what it is. I would refuse to go but do some jesture be the bigger person even tho you are upset with what happened to you.I live west coast & Family thinks just hop on a plane for a wedding or funeral plus hotels & rent a car.I am not made with money to do this, Also they really hardley call us to keep in touch and you want me to do all of this.Forget it.

[elizabethl123]

UP DATEMY SIS HUBBY PASSED AWAY TUESDAY    MY NIECE CALLED MY SON  NOT ME  HE TOLD ME    WE BOTH WILL NOT ATTEND     BURIED SAT.   SO WE WILL SEND SYPATHY CARDS    JUST ONE FROM ME TO MY SIS AND FAMILY     ONE OTHER THING MY SIS HAD MASSES SAID FOR MY HUBBY   I THANKED HER. THEN IN EM SHE SAID I NEVER ASKED YOU FOR MONEY TO HAVE THEM SAID  I THANKED HER AND NEVER EM HER BACK   SO I SENT HER A CHECK FOR 100    NO IDEA WHAT MASSES COST   ONLY WAY I KNEW IT WAS CASHED WAS WHEN I GOT MY STATEMENT . SO THATS IT  LET HER 3 DAUGHTERS TAKE CARE OF HER NOW          BLESS ALL OF YOU      

[halfpint1]

My husband died a little over 3 years ago. He would go many times back to Minnesota from California to see his family. I never heard from his nieces or nephews at all. Lucky I have a son that lives close to me. I am 81.