Among Friends

[Still keeper of the koi]

@DiAnne,  I don't know what marital position you are in, but mine is that we place each other above all other relashionships but God. it would seem strange sfter 25 years to be lying about family issuesyou husband wanted to leave so he didn't speak in anger .It was very out of character for my sil to speak this way, her heart is heavy with something else. good family relationships   are precious ,things spoken quickly are regretted, and not always able to mend.My husband ,in our family did  the right thing,his life and mine are one.What troubles one troubles the other.It was my intent in coming here ,wondering if things are best left  unsaid  or confronted. Either way we are  all tied as family ,   her pain  should be acknowledged  and  worked on. .After my talk with her ,I am concerned  with her happiness ,  she is hurting, no one should be turned  away 

..Maryanne 

[nun ya]

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@Mominohio wrote:

@Still keeper of the koi

I have only one sibling, a brother. And I know he is pretty much ashamed of me (and to a lesser extent, our mother). He is a snob and always has been. 

Like you, I do a number of things I don't 'have' to do. I mow five acres, plant a garden and can, hang laundry outside sometimes, etc. I don't have to do these things, but enjoy them, along with keeping house, living a quiet life in the country, not drinking (he and his wife and kids are big drinkers and kind of frown on people that don't partake), being happy just traveling our own country, and not really desiring to travel internationally (like they do and are so 'proud' of) etc. 

He thinks I'm an introvert and can't imagine living a life like I do, and doesn't understand or really like what I do.

I have simply learned to distance myself. I'm not going to argue, or bring it up. I'm not going to feel bad about me, because he can't accept what I am or what I do. I find my fulfillment from other people in my life, and I simply, after years of knowing this, don't even let it bother me. I look at it as though he has the problem, not me.

I go to the few family functions a year that we are in the same place, and I make nice. I really don't care that we aren't close, as I can make other relationships with people who are more like me, and he can do the same. 

I don't have to see him more than a couple of times per year, but if you need to be around your sister more than that, you may want to bring this up and nicely put her in her place about the fact that you are who you are, and you have no shame in that or any reason to accept from her, negative comments about that fact. 

Don't let this one person stop your from enjoying the rest of your family, hold your head high, and continue to be you. She has the problem at this point, it isn't you.

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Good for you!! I was also called the "Beverly Hillbillies" by my sister in law. Because I mow grass, paint my own walls, hang laundry, cut coupons and live in a small house. Well, they lost their house this past year in foreclosure and mine was paid off 5 yrs early. One side of me feels bad but the other side laughs. Pretty smart for a HillBilly.

 People do not understand that others like a simple, content life. I wouldn't do it if I disliked it!

[viva923]

i am not sure if you should speak to you sister in law about this.

I think you should turn the other cheek and let anger go.  What is anger going to do but fester and cause more problems that mom-dad will eventually pick up on and then they could get involved in the fray which i doubt you would want or like.

just let yourself know she is not fond of you and has a very high opinion of herself along with her money.

treat her with respect just be prepared to hear more of her gripe that she is rich and you should follow in her footsteps.

You will collect more with honey than with anger and hate.

[Still keeper of the koi]

@viva923, you understand and are very wise, I am not married to her .  I see her infrequently ,  it  iseems not worth causing family upset, she is an adult ,  she needs to deal with herself...This is why my husband  felt the need to  leave and not make a scene.. .I'm happy , she needs to find hers..Thanks for a very astute observation friend..Hugs, Maryanne 

[TaylorBrown]

If you don't want to go to the graduation, don't go.  If you are not going because of your SIL that's another story.  IMO, no one is going to stop me from doing something that I want to do.  So, the ball is in your court.

[jubilant]

People get angry at the silliest things these days. It sounds to me that she was sorry she said it and wanted your husband not to say anything.  Maybe I misunderstood....but that's how I took it.  I can understand why it upset him but it probably would have been better to have kept it to himself.  Since it is his sister and his conversation, I would let him handle his own sister and not deny your niece your presence.