sad news here - Page 2

mousiegirl · ‎03-09-2010

@Daisy Sunflower wrote:

I wouldn't get involved or hold a memorial service or anything like that. You don't really know what went on and what was discussed within the family. Plans could have changed.

When I die, I told my family that I don't want any kind of service. Cremate me and that's it.

@Daisy Sunflower Me too, but DH told me to just stand him up in the compost bin, LOL! I told him he is going to sea as I will be.

Diva on The Q · ‎03-28-2016

@Daisy Sunflower wrote:

I wouldn't get involved or hold a memorial service or anything like that. You don't really know what went on and what was discussed within the family. Plans could have changed.

When I die, I told my family that I don't want any kind of service. Cremate me and that's it.

I feel the same way. I don't like to judge other people's actions especially when it comes to the death of a loved one. People grieve and handle these matters in a million different ways. As outsiders, we all may have our opinions, but we can't possibly know all the particulars. My first thought was that no one really knows what the mother and daughter relationship was. There may be a reason the daughter handled things the way she did. Right or wrong.

geezerette · ‎03-16-2010

@Q4u wrote:
I am very sorry for your loss as well.... it's all so hard.

I was an only child with no relatives other than my husband and two sons when my Mother passed, it was in the middle of my Father being seriously ill and in a Convalescent home. My Mother was part of a group of women who loved her but my Mother's wishes were to be cremated and with no service. I knew this and followed her wishes explicitly.

Those ladies could/would NOT understand that how it was handled were her wishes spoken succinctly to me. She had friends for 25 years who told me tersely that my Mother would be appalled, that she would not have wished for no service. That in essense I was horrible to do this.

I would not budge, and did what she wanted and took the heat.

Eleven months later, I lost my Father and followed his wishes.

It was the hardest time in my life..... .

I was in a similar situation just months ago when my husband passed away. He never wanted any type of service, announcements, etc. And so I honored his wishes, as I would expect him to have done for me had our positions been reversed.

To the outside world, he seemed healthy and vibrant and so when friends did learn of his death, they were shocked, and frankly some were downright mad, that there had been not even an obituary, let alone a big emotional funeral for them to attend. This is a small town and I know that people hold this against me, as very few understand when I tell them I was doing what he wanted. That was my privilege, honor and duty as his wife.

Neither of my parents wanted services either, and I respected their wishes as well.

People may think they know what someone wants or would have wanted, but that’s not always the case. There is no reason why the neighbors and friends of this woman can’t get together on their own to celebrate her life if they so desire.

Ifeelwicked · ‎06-03-2012

@Daisy Sunflower wrote:

I wouldn't get involved or hold a memorial service or anything like that. You don't really know what went on and what was discussed within the family. Plans could have changed.

When I die, I told my family that I don't want any kind of service. Cremate me and that's it.

She knows what her friend wanted bc her friend told her. I

doubt, VERY seriously, her wishes included someone outside

her own family ending up with her ashes. Seems clear her

daughter knew exactly what she wanted, then did the exact

opposite.

shortbreadlover · ‎06-25-2018

she did not even have an obit in the local paper.

corita · ‎08-20-2012

@Daisy Sunflower wrote:

I wouldn't get involved or hold a memorial service or anything like that. You don't really know what went on and what was discussed within the family. Plans could have changed.
-----------------
That is exactly what I was thinking!!! Maybe wait until her birthday or some special, favorite date and have a small, get together to celebrate her life!!

RedTop · ‎09-01-2010

One of my husbands aunts also had all of her funeral arrangements made, and prepaid, prior to her death. By the time we even learned of her death, her 50 year old granddaughter who lived in the house with her grandmother, and was the sole heir, had the body cremated at a different funeral home, and didn’t even do an obituary. Her actions were totally out of spite, and left her 4 aunts very upset that their sisters funeral plans were not carried out.

patbz · ‎03-10-2010

My 28 yr old son lost his 27 yr old best friend to lived failure (alcohol poisoning!!!). There was no service and no obit; my entire family was shocked by this.

mistyada · ‎03-09-2010

I am sorry for your loss. Maybe the family did not have the money to pay for the funeral your neighbor wanted. Even small funerals can cause many thousands of dollars. A lot of people do not realize the cost until something happens.

tends2dogs · ‎05-08-2010

@shortbreadlover wrote:
my neighbor just passed away. the terrible thing is that her daughter is not going even hold any services at all. she had her mother cremated and then had a friend take the ashes. i feel so awful for my friend. she had all of her arrangments made and what she wanted done.

@shortbreadlover I am sorry you lost your friend. You state that she had made all her arrangements. Who did she make them with? The funeral home? Cemetery? Aren't they committed to follow through? It is a contract and I am sure that money was exchanged. This is a sad situation. I hope the daughter wasn't able to benefit by getting a refund from the funeral home.

Also, you have to pay to have an obit put in the paper......at least we do in our town.

Again, sorry for the loss of your friend.

Fear not Brothers and Sisters! I have read THE BOOK..........we win!!!