Among Friends

[shortbreadlover]

my neighbor just passed away.  the terrible thing is that her daughter is not going even hold any services at all.  she had her mother cremated and then had a friend take the ashes.  i feel so awful for my friend.  she had all of her arrangments made and what she wanted done.

[GAQShopr53]

@shortbreadlover  Wow...that is sad news.....it sounds like she was your close friend.  I would hope that when I left arrangements for my passing that my loved ones carried out those instructions...I guess the only way to have her wishes carried out was to have a will that specified that...again I am sorry to hear this...

[151949]

I have gone to two funerals lately, both relatives of  my DH ,where they simply had the body placed in a casket and interred. One family member said something very brief, no prayers at all. They were both done the day after the person died. Then everyone went back to the house and they ordered pizza.

[Ifeelwicked]

I am so very sorry for your loss. And I would be very upset, as well, with how her daughter chose to “say goodbye to her mother.” Appalling, really. It sounds like you and your friend were fairly close if she confided in you exactly what her wishes were. Have you considered showing her the respect she deserves, by hosting a small get-together/memorial? Perhaps, one or two of her wishes could be fulfilled, within reason. (ie; favorite music playing in the background, small bouquets of flowers she loved set around.) Coffee and dessert or a potluck served while her friends share meaningful stories about someone who had friends that truly cared about her. Her own family let her down. Maybe her friends could lift her spirit up. Just a thought. 🙏🏻💔

[shortbreadlover]

i aam not sure what i will do.

[Daisy Sunflower]

I wouldn't get involved or hold a memorial service or anything like that. You don't really know what went on and what was discussed within the family. Plans could have changed.

When I die, I told my family that I don't want any kind of service. Cremate me and that's it.

[Q4u]

I am very sorry for your loss as well.... it's all so hard.

I was an only child with no relatives other than my husband and two sons when my Mother passed, it was in the middle of my Father being seriously ill and in a Convalescent home.  My Mother was part of a group of women who loved her but my Mother's wishes were to be cremated and with no service. I knew this and followed her wishes explicitly.

Those ladies could/would NOT understand that how it was handled were her wishes spoken succinctly to me.  She had friends for 25 years who told me tersely that my Mother would be appalled, that she would not have wished for no service.   That in essense I was horrible to do this.

I would not budge, and did what she wanted and took the heat.

Eleven months later, I lost my Father and followed his wishes.   

It was the hardest time in my life.....  .

[jeanlake]

After family goes home, if you and a couple of friends could dedicate an evening, go out to your neighbor's favorite restaurant, wear her favorite color, sit around and share beautiful things about your friend. We can't control others, but we can shine our light.

[dulwich]

This is very sad when this happens.  A close girlfriend of mine suddenly disappeared.  Called her husband only got voicemail so thought they had gone on a trip.  About 2 weeks later in the local hairdressers I asked had my friend been in and was told by stylist she had heard that my friend had died!  We were taking dancing lessons just a few weeks earlier.

I was devastated as we were very close.  No obituary in local paper, no funeral, nothing. Nobody really knew what had happened - we are a very small town and to this day we really do not know what happened.  Her husband, an attorney here in town, would not give out any information.  She was a young woman early 50's and healthy.  I know how you feel as I still wonder about my friend.

I guess people do things their way.

[SXMGirl]

@shortbreadlover, I am very sorry for the loss of your neighbor.  My neighbor passed several weeks ago and I am still very sad as I saw him every day.

I will say that no one really knows family dynamics.  DH and I have decided that we do not want a funeral or any gathering.  I want to go to one of the body farms and I want to be dressed really nice.  Other than that, no plans.