quick question .... - Page 8

Pqfan · ‎03-09-2010

Big hugs to you daisy123❤️🌼🌼🌼

Zhills · ‎11-15-2011

Who is to blame is insignificant! You are young and have a long life ahead of you....concentrate of YOU!

Many of us can relate to your situation and understand that doing nothing is the easy way to go through life, but it is a miserable road, admit it!

You do not OWE anybody....you OWE a happy life to yourself. If you can't accomplish that where you are, you need to change it!

Sooner · ‎03-10-2010

I disagree that 60 is young. For some yes, but not for others. You have to be sure you have resouces in case of a significant illness.

Also, if OP decides to move out, she will be even more alone unless she has a plan to find new activities and cultivate new friendships. Being single does not magically become a full and active life.

And I'd suggest she start now on taking some baby steps to get to know more people. Church group, book group at a book store, volunteer for something etc. See how and if that changes how she looks at herself.

dogsx3 · ‎02-05-2011

@SeaMaiden wrote:
@dogsx3 wrote:
Birkilady, yes you are right, and many things have happened in the past few years. I lost my mom, my best friend and love , my dog last year, flood in house, and husband recent triple bypass. I am starting to see a counseler, and have sought advice from a lawyer and am putting home on market in next few months. He has changed a lot, and is also wanting a change in his life. I do have medical issues, and other dogs to consider , so i have put things off over past few years. But it is looking like a change is coming, thanks.

Just feeling overwhelmed and lost, trying to hold myself together and be strong.

@dogsx3 ((Hugs)). You have been through a lot recently. Just do not make any rash decisions to leave him without MUCH thought.

Back years ago when DH and I were married just 7 years, I was terribly unhappy....wanted to do more... felt lonely...un loved...so I moved out into my own apartment in town. Just left him. We separated.

It was a few few months later, I realized how much I REALLY loved him. He got a job offer in Seattle and was going to be moving. It was at that time I knew I really could not be apart totally the thought of him far far away .... I moved back home... we worked things out....we did move to Seattle.

My life lesson was... it is NOT greener on the other side of the fence...that is what I learned being apart from him those months. Life is just a lot of lessons....some difficult some easy. Relationships change over years and years. Who you are when you marry is not that person 40 years later. You both have to work on things and TALK.

@SeaMaiden wrote:
@dogsx3 wrote:
Birkilady, yes you are right, and many things have happened in the past few years. I lost my mom, my best friend and love , my dog last year, flood in house, and husband recent triple bypass. I am starting to see a counseler, and have sought advice from a lawyer and am putting home on market in next few months. He has changed a lot, and is also wanting a change in his life. I do have medical issues, and other dogs to consider , so i have put things off over past few years. But it is looking like a change is coming, thanks.

Just feeling overwhelmed and lost, trying to hold myself together and be strong.

@dogsx3 ((Hugs)). You have been through a lot recently. Just do not make any rash decisions to leave him without MUCH thought.

Back years ago when DH and I were married just 7 years, I was terribly unhappy....wanted to do more... felt lonely...un loved...so I moved out into my own apartment in town. Just left him. We separated.

It was a few few months later, I realized how much I REALLY loved him. He got a job offer in Seattle and was going to be moving. It was at that time I knew I really could not be apart totally the thought of him far far away .... I moved back home... we worked things out....we did move to Seattle.

My life lesson was... it is NOT greener on the other side of the fence...that is what I learned being apart from him those months. Life is just a lot of lessons....some difficult some easy. Relationships change over years and years. Who you are when you marry is not that person 40 years later. You both have to work on things and TALK.

Thanks you so much for telling me that....i will think hard on it with help.

tends2dogs · ‎05-08-2010

@SeaMaiden wrote:
@dogsx3 wrote:
Would you rather stay in an unhappy relationship because you are scared to be on your own financially and 60ish.....or take a chance to maybe find happiness on your own.
@dogsx3 I was just going to post something on this subject and saw your thread.

My Husband of almost 40 years is now retired going on two years. He has no hobbies...does nothing all day...lays in bed on his phone ....or he is in a chair watching TV. That is it. He will not go for a walk with me....come out help me in the yard....will go to Costco only because he wants a hotdog....that is about the only thing we do together.

we argue over simple things....I as him to do something and he always has an excuse. Turns into an argument. Not a fight....just an argument. I am a person who gets things done. He never gets anything done unless I ASK him. He puts things off....I never do.

As to your question....I am not looking for a new relationship. I really would not want to have to deal with another person. Happiness is a broad term. I choose to stay in this relationship just because it is what I know and "comfortable" even if at times difficult. I just do my thing....he does his. So Yes I guess I chose to stay in this relationship.....
At this age....and at this point....it is just easier to stay together.

I would not not be scared to be on my own. I was on my own for many years prior to getting married many years ago. I do need someone to "fix" the computer when something is not working... things like that that😄.

@SeaMaiden After reading your post, I had to wonder if maybe your DH is depressed? Was he like this before retirement or even before his heart episode? My DH had a hard time adjusting to retirement. He didn't have a game plan. He finally figured it out.

I just wondered because it seems a shame that he won't take a walk with you etc. I get the part about not wanting to start over with someone else. There is no way I would want to do that either. Being together 24/7 is a whole lot of togetherness when it hasn't been like that for the whole marriage. That alone is an adjustment. I just wanted to throw out the possibility of depression. I know my DH went through it at first. Retirement is a big life change

Fear not Brothers and Sisters! I have read THE BOOK..........we win!!!

tends2dogs · ‎05-08-2010

@SeaMaiden I just saw your post #68 about your early years of marriage. I agree the grass is NOT always greener on the other side. Glad it worked out for you.

Fear not Brothers and Sisters! I have read THE BOOK..........we win!!!

San Antonio Gal · ‎05-18-2017

@dogsx3 - Sounds like you've done an amazing job with your kids and that's what all parents strive for. Kudos to you.

You're in my thoughts and prayers and I'm hoping you can find a way to make a transition to a new life. You've got a lot of living to do. Sounds like you've thought about this for a long time.

Sure wish I could pick up the phone and call you!

SeaMaiden · ‎03-10-2010

@tends2dogs Thankyou for reaching out. I do think that there is some depression involved to some degree... heck even I have some days that I feel that way but it does not last long. Prior to his actual retirement, we talked all about taking day trips... walking the dogs together and all the things we could do.... then when he actually was retired, he just wanted to do nothing. watch car races on TV... be on his phone.... etc. He is not angry or personality wise different... just seems content with doing NOTHING.

Yes, I imagine perhaps his abdominal aortic aneurysm could have had an impact on him. ... and his Mother Passed away last year too. He never talks about anything.

What did your Husband find he wanted to do finally? How long did it take him to get out of his fog? My Husband is going on 2 years of really doing nothing.

dogsx3 · ‎02-05-2011

SeaMaiden, he has always been kind of a hyper person, keeping busy. He is still working also so i think that helps. He is also the kind of person who likes to show off ,, it's like he never really rested, he was out walking the neighborhood 3 days after. The dr said he was amazed at how fast he recovered, and he just loved hearing that. But i do notice a personality change in him, more childish and forgetful.

Sorry to hear about yours, maybe it just takes more time for some people. If he was close with his mom maybe he is a little depresed.

dogsx3 · ‎02-05-2011

@San Antonio Gal wrote:
@dogsx3 - Sounds like you've done an amazing job with your kids and that's what all parents strive for. Kudos to you.

You're in my thoughts and prayers and I'm hoping you can find a way to make a transition to a new life. You've got a lot of living to do. Sounds like you've thought about this for a long time.

Sure wish I could pick up the phone and call you!

Thank you, i am so so proud of my kids. I wanted them to be able to live good lives and take care of themselves..