Among Friends

[Jaspersmom]

Just from reading all these posts, you can see how many people understand.  Many have gone through their own trials and tribulations.  I find it's not even that things happen to us, but they can be so very hard to handle when they happen close together.  I had the year from hell.  It started with cancer surgery.  I'm not joking when I say that every two weeks something was happening to me and they were very upsetting things (major illness, death in the family, car accident, etc.).  I've dealt with other very tough times in my life which I didn't always handle well.  However, as I've gotten older, I've come to learn we have choices in life.  We can either give up or plod through the heartache, misfortune, etc., learn better how to deal with them and seek solutions and better outcomes.  You might need to seek support from a really good therapist.  It may take time before you come to terms with what has happened, but be assured you CAN get there.  Give yourself time.  

[wagirl]

@shortbreadlover--first I am very sorry for so much garbage in your life!! Telling you things will work out is belittling so I'm not going to say  that---now I'm wondering what are the things you CAN do to make things right? I find dwelling on the negative so much, even tho there is plenty on your plate, can make it very hard to  even see a glimmer of light. It will involved talking to many people, I suspect,medical, family, even therapy, but those are things that you can do NOW. Put it on paper and figure out what your priorties are---you still have your job--thats good--and any medical insurace to pay for things---is good to--check that off. As for being passed over from a promotion--I don't know how you deal with that as I am retired and  quit my job when things got ugly.  Just ddo your best there, I guess--maybe others can help with that on this board. For me, my medical issues would be next---figure out about that--if you feel awful all the time, you can't deal with much else---and if your vision won't be the same, then thats the way it is and you need to grieve over it then move on and learn to compensate-----misssing your family is easy--are you very close with them? Can you fill them in about everything? Sharing all the downers with people that love you is the most fantastic thing---forget about pride or thinking you don't want to bother them---BOTHER them !!!!

I guess your very last couple of sentences are what is troublesome to me-sound ominous --and thats what you need to talk about to a professional. If your ins covers it, find a counselor/therapist and do it right away !! Ask you dr for his/her suggestions or google it., but do that right now!!

I have been dealing with a whole cracker full of cr*ap myself--from cancer dx to trees  destroying my house to car wrecks that totalled vehicles to kids being in car wrecks, to marital issues-----stress is crazy and hope sometimes very dim. Go step by step, one day at a time and don't look too far ahead and over load your brain. Good luck!!

[RedTop]

@shortbreadlover,

I am very sorry life has piled on more than you feel you can handle right now.   I am no stranger to that low place you are in right now, but I chose not to stay there.

The reality is that you cannot change the circumstances, but you do indeed have the power to change your attitude and how you choose to see those circumstances.   

If you feel life has beaten you down as low as you can go, and you let your attitude and outlook adjust to that low level, sadly, that is where you will stay.   

If you get beaten down, but the first thing you do is look up, then you possess the fight needed to rise above your circumstances.  And at that point, you just pull up the BGP’s and plow thru each day with the determination you’re getting to the other side.   

I wish you better days ahead!

[Tyak]

Talk to a pastor or priest, even if you don't have a church, please find someone to talk with.  

[dex]

@shortbreadlover @I have been wondering how you are feeling today..I hope that after reading all of the caring messages people have sent to you that your outlook feels a little brighter.It can be overwhelming to carry our burdens alone but after sharing the load can become lighter.I am  praying for you to find the answers to your health problems so that you can feel strong again.You have been able to help others and now you need some help for yourself...interesting how we can tackle the life trials of others but can’t see the way when we have our own struggles.Let others help you if they offer and know that it makes them feel good to do it as you already know that.I am thinking back to the couple that you helped get back on their feet and how good it made you feel to have the answers to their struggles.

[Isobel Archer]

I think you have gotten some good advice - and certainly you have heard that people care about you and are concerned for you.

If there is any way you could find counseling available on a sliding scale, that would be wonderful.  As others have suggested, check with your doctor and see if s/he could recommend someone.

As to the work situation.  As a former HR manager, I can tell you that bosses want people who will make their lives easier and accomplish THEIR goals.  Often  and I've certainly done this too - we have an idea of what our bosses goals SHOULD be and set out to accomplish those - and may even do so in an exemplary manner.  However, when someone else who was more astute as to what was actually wanted gets the promotion, we are then surprised - and hurt.

Just as an example - what you did for the homeless patron was wonderful.  But do you know how that actually translates into the goals management has for the position they just filled?  

Having said that, I certainly realize that sometimes management doesn't even have a say in who fills their jobs - you, yourself previously mentioned how that has happened at your Library in the past.  And if that's what happened again this time, well there simply isn't anything you can do about that.

But if the promotions are filled from within, it would help to find out what management is looking for - and what they expect the person to accomplish.  It's rarely just about experience and credentials.  They may need someone to deal with problem employees, or to increase the number of programs the Library offers, or to increase the attendance at those programs, or to increase contributions to the Library.  Any of those could change over time so that filling the job three years ago is very different than filling it today.

I'm just trying to offer another perspective.  Please take care of yourself.  Even if you don't get counseling, try to do something for yourself that brings you joy.

[VaBelle35]

@shortbreadlover   I don't know if you are at all religious, but sometimes we have to go out and build our own family.  We can start by finding a good community of people.  There are a lot of churches (and church-like) organizations that will open their arms and embrace you like family and make you feel less alone.

In the age of Yelp, it's a great place to start to find a community of people to join with in life.

There are a lot of religious and non-religious groups out there.

And it doesn't cost anything other than gas for the car.

[Lilysmom]

@shortbreadlover , when things get bad, some times it helps to just compartmentalize.  Make it about getting through this 24 hours.  Go to work, do your job, and leave it there when you close the door at the end of the day.  Try to make a list of your issues on paper and make a plan to change the things you are able to change.

Not many of us get through life without a major upset at some time.  If you are feeling overwhelmed, reach out to someone for help.  Just like you made a huge difference in the elderly couple’s life, perhaps someone can do the same for you.  Take the first step to change things for the better.  Most people will respond to a call for help but you must make the call.

May God shine his light upon you.  I will pray that you see some way forward soon.  LM

[Drythe]

@shortbreadlover 

Dear Short Bread,

You are very sad, worried, and lonely, that is a very scary way to feel.  Many people here care about you and have given you some good suggestions.

Just one more I would like to add,

Please, look up the phone number for the Council on Aging in your area, and call them.  Tell them what is going on and how you feel. They are there to help and will not charge you for advice and services.

Many of us have needed help at one time or the other, that is nothing to be ashamed of.  But, it would be a great shame not to reach out for help that is available.  

Best Wishes to you.