Among Friends

[Big Sister]

I am more on your side in this problem.  It's time for your DH to compromise and move for you.  You stuck it out for ten years for him, really, and it is now his turn.

Good luck to you.

[CalminHeart]

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@chrystaltree wrote:

I'm with your husband on this.  It would be different if you wanted go back after a year or two after 10 years, Texas is now home to your husband one of the kids.  You children are adults not kids.  Your husband is happy, he's settled in and content where he is after 10 years.  Your desires shouldn't come before his.  I think he's the one on firm ground here.  I suspect that you never really bought into to the move, you caved in to what he wanted 10 years ago.  You didn't stand up for yourself then and tell the truth...no I don't want to move and I won't.  It's too late now.

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Her desires shouldn't come before his?  I thought marriage included 2 equals.  Situations change in 10 years and it may well have worked 10 years ago.  Perhaps they moved for a job.   Whether or not they move back now, she's homesick and her feelings do count.

[newname0]

Yes, you can return but you can't have it both ways.

If you husband won't but you will do it.  Say goodbye to him.  It's been a nice life but I really prefer my aging family and the terrific Northeast to you.

It's as simple as that.  And whoever of your adult children want to return with you let them come too.

If this is happiness for you take it.  Remember if you're not on the road you're in a rut.

[SharkE]

Always can divorce him if you really want to go back that bad.

I moved to Tx from Ind.  I couldn't wait to get away from my family and the life I had up there.   Got one sister that I see once a yr or this yr not going back with husband who still has a 85 yr old sister up there. To far to drive with us bickering all the time. She can wait till next yr. LOL Other sister is a 'B' and don't care if I ever see her again or not. 

My vacation will be when he goes up by himself and  I can have a week of peace.

[ScrapHappy]

In 2000 I moved from NJ to California. My boyfriend (also from NJ and same neighborhood) took a job there.  It was to be for 3-5 years.  We got married, purchased a house and had a daughter.  Ended up being 16 years.  When we first moved there are intention was to give it a try, have an adventure, etc.  Really thinking we will move back to NJ.  That did change for us.  After some time we realized we changed, NJ changed and even friends moved.  It just wasn't the same.  Never felt California was our home.  Never thought we'd stay there forever.  We did end up moving last summer to Georgia and I love it here.  We are closer to friends and family.  One of my best friends actually just moved to South Carolina. 

[homedecor1]

@SharkE

hmmmmmm (in jest) the last line....maybe that's why my spouse says "go anytime!" He's doing the 🕺🕺 when he drops me off at airport!!! Lol

have a great day!!!

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@SharkE wrote:

Always can divorce him if you really want to go back that bad.

I moved to Tx from Ind.  I couldn't wait to get away from my family and the life I had up there.   Got one sister that I see once a yr or this yr not going back with husband who still has a 85 yr old sister up there. To far to drive with us bickering all the time. She can wait till next yr. LOL Other sister is a 'B' and don't care if I ever see her again or not. 

My vacation will be when he goes up by himself and  I can have a week of peace.

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[RedTop]

How often do you go back to visit?   Before I would decide it's time to totally pack up and move, I would visit (without husband) 2-3x a year and see how I felt after making those trips.   Determine whether you truly want to go back home, or if your mind is just hanging onto an old promise and something you think you should do.   

[Isobel Archer]

Does your husband's job play into this?  How easy would it be for him to go back - could he transfer with the same company?  Would he have to go back to extensive traveling?  Would it end up being a step down for him?  Would he basically have to find a new job?

If any of that is at issue, would he consider moving after retirement?

[Q4u]

This is a sad situation because without knowing it, you may push one of  your kids into not moving back as they are of age to decide for themselves.  Your husband in invested in the area but it sounds as though you never have been.  Regarding your relatives... you can still visit often.

We moved across country 6 years ago and I understand missing my friends (that I've known since grade school) but going back to visit is one thing but going back to live quite another.  They've moved on.  They still love me (and me them) but it's different now.

One of the best sayings I've ever heard:  Inhale the future, exhale the past.....

[SharkE]

So true. My husband is going back for a high school reunion and I'm not going. He's living in the past thinks people still care, etc. Half will be dead and the other half don't give a rat's ---.   LOL

He's the type that when people say come over sometime he'll say "when"?

LOL They will stutter and say see ya' and walk off.

Like a little kid.