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Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,453
Registered: ‎04-03-2016

Re: gift-giving to grandchildren

Grands very young so reading this thread insightful.  So far I have asked DIL if she was getting  a particular item so that child does not get duplicate.  I get small things throughout year at used stores that are appropriate for age, usually to play at my home when i watch them 2 x week.  Their birthdays and Christmas are within weeks of each other.  A few weeks ago I noticed youngest just had moccasins as footwear even though we like sidewalk walks and its getting chilly. I asked if I could take to shoe store to get fitted for shoes. Told not necessary.  She came next week with suade boots from other grandma.  Not great for running.  I think I am going to go ahead and buy athletic shoes and wrap and give as early birthday.  The practical in me prevails. I will control myself and not overdo Christmas.

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,044
Registered: ‎03-28-2010

Re: gift-giving to grandchildren

My Mom and sister always asked what my daughter would like or want, even at a very young age.  It wasn't to run things by me to make sure it was okay, they just wanted to give her something she really wanted.  Since we lived so far away, they usually just sent money and I picked out gifts for her.  We live a closer now,  well at least in the same time zone, and they still ask and still send money.  

Respected Contributor
Posts: 4,588
Registered: ‎03-30-2014

Re: gift-giving to grandchildren

I live in hotbed of relatives and the moms tell us what the kids have asked for and we ask her about what we may want to get.

 

Then we have a race for first dibs.  One year I was edged out the alternative grandma 😂

 

Esteemed Contributor
Posts: 7,432
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: gift-giving to grandchildren

My DDIL and I always check with each other about the gifts during the months and weeks ahead.  I am usually through shopping first.  In fact all my Christmas shopping for 2020 is done for my two grandchildren.  One year for my granddaughter's birthday we went in together on a kitchen area for her.  Last year I bought her a lavender vanity set which they knew about.  For this year I just purchased the KidBuzz G2 cell phone.  They were going to get it for her but I asked for the honor instead. They can pay for the service. 

 

I just love the chaos on Christmas morning when we all get up and toys all over.  My DDIL loves to get the photos from me as the stuff comes in and then sneaks back into my bedroom the next time she is over to see it in person.  My visit tomorrow to their home will have my grandson's Little Tykes Workbench taken from car into their storage room.  My son will put it together on the sly like he did the vanity set last Christmas.  I am so excited for all.

 

DDIL and I also always tell each other about my son's gifts for birthday and Christmas too.   Saves on holiday returns.

"Live frugally, but love extravagantly."
Respected Contributor
Posts: 3,222
Registered: ‎05-27-2015

Re: gift-giving to grandchildren

@GoneButNotForgotten  I always ask the parents. But, I usually come at them with an idea of my own first, because they are sometimes out of ideas, and my suggestion helps to sharpen their focus. We give a gift to open and money (for the bank account).

@drizzella  Your story is very familiar to me. It gets better as they get older. 

Honored Contributor
Posts: 22,933
Registered: ‎05-17-2010

Re: gift-giving to grandchildren


@GoneButNotForgotten wrote:

do you usually ask the parents of your grandchildren if they're ok with a present you want to give them? My d.i.l. is super-careful about that; at first I didn't like it but now I'm glad she's protective of her daughter (my granddaughter). Also, the parents have a better idea of what their children will like, especially since, due to the pandemic, I haven't been able to see her much lately.

One thing I ran by them was a Magic 8-Ball. I was kind of suprised when they gave the ok; I hope I can see granddaughter open in and figure out how to use it. I doubt we'll be there, though, due to pandemic considerations. (Of course they can make a video and send it to us.)



 

@GoneButNotForgotten   I always ask my DS or DIL because the Girls usually have been asking for specific things. 

Super Contributor
Posts: 296
Registered: ‎06-02-2010

Re: gift-giving to grandchildren

Wow, it is so nice to read that some grandparents actually care about the gifts they give their grandchildren.  It hasn't been my expirence at all with my MIL.  She been my son's only grandparent.  He's my only child.  It seems to me she gets gifts for him because she feels obligated to.  It's almost always been clothes that don't fit or toys he wouldn't be interested in or toys too young for him.  I've never said anything in front of him about her gifts but he sees it now that he is an adult.  He feels like an after thought.    

Respected Contributor
Posts: 2,326
Registered: ‎03-11-2010

Re: gift-giving to grandchildren

I'm glad the OP started this thread as it's something I've been stewing over lately, and need some advice on.  I too have young grandchildren all under 10 and want to get things they want or can use. Problem is I don't have the best relationship with my DIL and am pretty sure she's thrown away or gotten rid of all the things I've gotten the kids in the past. Since I don't exactly have money to burn am not even wanting to buy stuff that I know she will get rid of anyway. What should I do?  I've thought about money but with young children that seems so impersonal.

Trusted Contributor
Posts: 1,122
Registered: ‎03-29-2020

Re: gift-giving to grandchildren

[ Edited ]

When my son, her 2nd grandchild, was born, my mother played a dirty trick on me. I mentioned to her that I thought he would like a certain toy and I was eager to give it to him for his first Christmas (he was 9 months old at the time).

So of course my mother, just because she was a mean-kind of ornery, bought that exact present for him and deprive me of the pleasure; deliberately giving me a poke in the eye, as it were.

Karma got her, though; he never did like what she gave him. Instead, I bought him a Space-Shuttle kind of toy that he could push around, put his toys in, etc.; he even learned to walk using that thing. The only reason he stopped using it at 6 years of age because our fence blew down in a winstorm and crushed it.

That's one reason I'm careful with this kind of thing; I don't want to spoil m son or d.i.l.'s fun the way my mother intentionally spoiled mine.

Honored Contributor
Posts: 35,355
Registered: ‎03-09-2010

Re: gift-giving to grandchildren


@KKJ wrote:

I'm glad the OP started this thread as it's something I've been stewing over lately, and need some advice on.  I too have young grandchildren all under 10 and want to get things they want or can use. Problem is I don't have the best relationship with my DIL and am pretty sure she's thrown away or gotten rid of all the things I've gotten the kids in the past. Since I don't exactly have money to burn am not even wanting to buy stuff that I know she will get rid of anyway. What should I do?  I've thought about money but with young children that seems so impersonal.


 

 

@KKJ 

 

i dont know how often you see them or have the chance to have them with you, but my mother used to take one child for an overnight visit. she would take them to the movies, the zoo, the aquarium, or do something they wanted to do. she would then take them out for a nice meal. it gave her a chance to spend time with them alone AND actually talk to them. you could even take them shopping for an item that may interest them or something they say they have been wanting. they will always remember the special times you spent with them even more than the gift.

 

of course, with covid and restrictions, this is a bit more difficult these days.

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"I would prefer even to to fail with honor than win by cheating." - Sophocles